i can't even begin to say how angry/disappointed i am

it's never a nice feeling

to get ready to go

all that's left is to wait

and wait and wait and wait

and it never happens

fuck.

being the total lazy-ass-bum that i am,

let's recap my wednesday,

oh-so-wholesome-and-well-spent wednesday.

putting myself to bed at say 2am,

i timely woke up at 5am then 8, 9, 10, 11

and finally peeled myself outta bed at 12.

cooked myself and skinny so instant noodles

cause we were too lazy to head out for lunch

so jeremy told me about how some of the ns guys

cook instant like cup noodles

where they just put the noodles in the mass tin

and put in the hot water and wait for it to cook

i tried that and boom!

IT WORKS BITCHES!

no more standing by the hot steaming pot

you can't get any lazier than that

after which i surfed the net, watched tv and gorged myself on snacks

then went to nap again

resurfaced at 6 for dinner and then surfed the net and watched tv

now, i've made myself some green tea and once again

am in front of my macbook

so bottomline, i'm NOT studying

and i'm getting FAT

RAWR

so, i've gone through a really really bad roller coaster ride

regarding my "future"

and, since i don't know who read this space

i won't divulge too much info

let's just say, i'm done with the ride

- - -

secondly, i received my ca results for all three subjects

a B+ and 2 As

surprisingly, and A for math!

(take that mr chan and mdm song! HAH!)

what i am kinda upset about is getting a B+ for english

i know that the marks were greatly affected by ca2

see, ca2 is a group assignment where we have to design a poster

and well, i have faith to say that we did a good job

before i submitted the work, i check, double-checked and TRIPLE-checked

but, when the teacher opened it, the text was all over the place

and she had to adjust it a bit to see the whole poster

so naturally, we were penalized

and since others didn't have a problem with it (since they used photoshop)

my group had to be marked down

she "blamed" it on my lack of skill

in my defense, who said it HAD (and if i don't i will die) to use photoshop?!

i don't even have photoshop

plus, when she showed us past batches' work,

she used ms word to open it

so why did she have a problem with mine?!

and afiqa rised a fair and justified point:

I'M STUDYING ENGLISH

this is bollocks

- - -

anyway, now i'm on study break

exams will be next wednesday to friday

then holidays till oct

please, will everyone pray/hope/wish that i spend my time productively

and with that,

i'm signing off

(oh, and apologies for the LONG hiatus)

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARCHIVE?!

SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE?!

):

went to watch a movie alone today

honestly, i'm really proud of myself

happy that i finally got off my ass to go alone

yes, i've done it before

but doing it now, is really important for me

no, i am not detaching myself from my life

nor am i detaching myself from my friends and family

i am just finally giving myself some me time

some time to do things i love,

with myself

why would people to do things they know are bad

and continue to do so even if it means hurting their loved ones?

i am thankful to be surrounded by people unlike the aforementioned group above

group work is ending soon!

bad news: we are NOT done yet!

good news: no more late nights editing incoherent chunks of stuff

i guess there's always a silver lining

been arriving at school later than i should

for the whole week now

hopefully this doesn't persist after this week

no more group work should equal earlier nights yes?

haven't posted in awhile

i've been really busy

grrr

anyway, a few days ago i was on the bus to school

and since it's during peak hour,

the bus was packed like sardines

and well, i was near the front

evidently, we were all so packed, rear and front

i was so close to this guy i could almost smell his hair

(gross, but yes)

so a few stops later,

a bunch of people alighted, approximately 10 plus?

but, magically, the squeeziness level at the front did not change

i repeat, DID NOT change

now, how the cheese balls is that possible?

apparently, there were people who decided they need more room

and just generally adjusted so they have more room

while the 20-odd front pack continue to smell each other's hair

wow people!

your selfishness astounds me.

i will get a sentosa islander membership

cause it's way cheaper

and i will be motivated to go!!!

excites!!!

my room is so messy

i try not to stay in there any longer than needed

the mess is such a puke-inducing heap

and when i need to stay in my room any longer than 5 mins,

i go in at night and turn off the lights

so i really need to pack my room

or at least attempt to

but there's so much to do

somebody help me?

ARGH!

or maybe i just need a bigger room

school's starting soon

thinking whether i should spend the money

for a new pencil tin

and a tumbler for the coffee/green tea i'll be drinking

but food&drinks not allowed in lecture theatre

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

saw a really cute one at artbox@ion

but the starbucks one more durable i think (?)

then there's the headband i kinda want

some new in-ear earphones

and then the bandeau top i want so i wont get such ugly tan lines

gahhh

money money money

there will be times when you feel like you are drifting away

away from those who you once were so close with

you were "attached to the hip" with them

but then now, you feel the distance

and the strain of holding a conversation

well, that's what life does to people

it sometimes pulls people in opposite directions

it sometimes pushes people together

but ultimately,

it's how you find your way back

despite all the differences and all the clashing schedules and obstacles

i am going through that now

with one of my friends

she might or might not read this

given her busy schedule

but if you do, bbgirl

please know this

i know i've become a whole different person in your eyes

but i guess my passion and drive for everything has died down

and given all this we have grown slightly more apart that i wanted

i hope we can kick back and go shopping or something soon

putting this behind us

till then, i'm still a text/call away

(:

some people just need to know when to BACK OFF

you might have been some random stranger

then someone who meant something to me

and then made me wanna push you away

whatever the reason,

whatever my reason,

you DO NOT have a bloody right

to make judgements about me

you are not making sense

ya know?!

a word of advice,

go and re-think about everything

then maybe you won't be so baffled

and then at the same time,

do me a huge favour and

fuck off

school is gonna start soon for me

and i have orientation coming up

for once in my nineteen years of life

i am dreading EVERYTHING

be it piano, driving or sports

i am just dreading doing/going through it all

i lost my drive in everything

don't even wanna attend orientation

just wanna quietly go by each day and finish school

so when you ask my "classmates" if they know a hazel

they'll be like, "who?"

that's my goal

or else, someone find me back my drive

cause i can't find it

i can't do it

how do you tell someone to back off

without seeming mean

and without all the drama that follows?