sigh,tried to change my blogskin but i kinda screwed up the codes.conclusion,i ain't a html code person.haha.shall try again later.haha.what with nine days left till school reopens,i'm a screwed girl cause i haven't done my holiday assignments.haha.shall strive to do them tonight and every other night.haha.

au revoir

hello world.
haha.watched enchanted and the golden compass.enchanted is funny and oh-so-sweet.really a must-watch.while golden compass is ohkay.there will be a sequel.so you should really follow,otherwise i don't think you'll understand.haha.

i hate him

i hate him

i hate him

i hate him

i hate him

fuck you la.i don't wanna call you my brother anymore.thanks to that incident i see how you really see me and i shan't fool myself for your stupid attitudes and shit.i'm not taking anymore off your shit.

blow me away,blue

sigh.HUGE sigh.life sucks like hell.treated like a fucking useless slave by that hell of a bitch.doing extra and then got scolded.less talk about appreciation.fuck her man.seriously boils my blood andi don't deserve to be treated like that.

don't feel like going on sunday and monday because (1) i'm not needed anyway.but they ask me to go because (2) at least then i'll leave glamorously and will leave her with nothing to pick at.both are tempting,don't you think?haha.

blow me away,blue.

I'M SO TIRED!!!

been sleeping late almost everyday cause of stuff i have to do.damn tired.and lifeless too.schoool's out so it's a good thing.so can concentrate on my productions.have so much going on at the same time and it's tiring me out.haha.

tomorrow's the school's camp and i'm afraid it'll just suck hell cause we met so many problems lor.sigh.

blow me away,blue

how screwed is my life

[x]Gotten detention

[x]Gotten your phone taken away

[ ]Gotten suspended

[ ]Gotten caught chewing gum

[x] Been late to a class more than 10 times

[x] Didn't do homework over 5 times

[x] turned at least 3 projects in late

[x] Missed school cause you felt like it

[ ] Laughed so hard you got kicked out of class punished

[x] Got your mom/dad etc. to get you out of school

[x] Text people during class

[x] Passed notes

[x] Threw stuff across the room

[x] Laughed at the teacher

[ ] Pulled down the fire alarm

[x]Went on myspace, friendster, xanga, etc. on the computer at school

[x] Took pictures during school hours

[x] Called someone during school hours

[x] Listened to an ipod/cd player/mp3 during class

[x] Threw something at the teacher

[x] Went outside the classroom without permission

[x] Broke the dress code

[x] Failed a class

[x] Ate food during class

[ ] Gotten a call home

[ ] Couldn't go on a field trip cause you behaved badly

[x] Not taken your stuff to school

[ ] Gotten a detention and didn't go

[x] Stuck your middle finger at a teacher when they were not looking

[x] Cursed during class loud enough so the teacher could hear

[x] slept in class

[x] cursed at a teacher behind their back

[x] Copied homework

[ ] Felt hungry during class and left to eat

Total: 26

Times your total by 3: I screwed up 78% of my life

i can't help but say,"i told ya so.my life sucks"

blow me away,blue

sigh.it's getting so funny and pathetic.i need taller friends cause i'm always tired and i need a shoulder.haha.anyway,my gals got guys and it's so funny to go out with them now.sigh.it's so obvious,i'm the odd one out.dang,the fact that i am so extra and out of place like a sore thumb sucks hell can?

anyway,yasser rocks!haha.he is such a great friend.haha.thank you babe!haha.i had fun bullying you today.thanks.

spending money like water.need to save money!haha.

i'm just upset like since forever.i wanna smile like last time.like in the past when i don't worry shit.i need my life back!

blow me away.i'm blue.

"why can't you just hurry up and be good.i'm really getting impatient."now i know how pathetic i am.it's really eating into me.i hate this darn feeling.i blame it on the school for eating up my precious time.or should i blame myself?this sucks,worse than leeches and i feel so down.

blow me away,blue

i really don't mean to bitch on my blog like my childish self used to.but the bloody two-faced bitch is really boiling my blood.what's with being timid?if you're so scared that you'll crap in your pants don't even bother to step on my tail alright?you are such a bitch la.i don't care if you're my friend's friend,i won't let that affect me in making you suffer.so watch out.(susu,sorry.)

i'm now like fucking pissed lor.kiss my ass you filthy whore!

gotta crash

i guess i'm inconsolable.nothing is going my way at all.not one.sigh,i wanna go to sleep and wake up knowing all this crap that life is throwing me is all a nightmare.i'm tired and wanna take a break not?

i wanna give up,i really wanna!but i can't.my mind is driving me nuts.not allowing me to take a break and forget about it.i can't take it no more.

gotta crash!

i'm lovin' inconsolable by backstreet boys.haha.nice nice.. (:

i don't know what i wanna undate on leh..like my life is so boring. q: life is just a sad ball rolling on and on to nothingness.haha.i wanna be unfeeling and want nothing so i won't be so disappointed when i don't get it.sigh.

yeah,i do want him.but i'll be unfeeling for now.not wanting him would be better not?he's unreachable and i'm being haunted by bad experiences that i don't wanna be reminded of.bleah,i need to find my life back. (:

show me the camps and fun,i think i'll find myself again... (:

haha.i've been crashing with my crew the whole week la.haha.been crapping at my home for three times so far.haha.made loads of videos of our spastic selves.got two "educational" videos made by yours truly.haha.exams are in full progression and i know i won't do well.but it'll be better than myes i guess.haha.been mugging and trying my best la.haha.anyway,i wanna go to lalaland.haha.i don't know where it is but i'll find it.haha.life's a bore though.haha.

there's this one person that keeps popping in and out of my mind.i know i'll forget that one person soon.cause life goings on.i'm unfeeling not?

life's a bore,

entertain me

(:

ohkay,so after sooo long,i'm here to do my updates!haha.there's like so much i wanna say,but oh wells,i'll filter some of the crap out.haha.

when life gives you lemons,make lemon juice.some people get strawberries and they get to make strawberry smoothies.some people get lemons and they make lemon juice.but some people get nothing,and they dun get to make anything at all.haha.how pathetic is that?it seems like i belong in the last category huh?man,life sucks.haha.

now my life is just full of stuff.mondays with tuition,tuesdays with class,wednesdays&thursdays with rehearsals,saturdays with piano,sundays with rehearsals.haha.fridays' the only day i'm free apart from school.and walking home today see,ed really weird cause i haven't done it in like so long.it was great to walk home and read my book.haha.

sometimes i question my very presence on this earth and apparently,i can't find my meaning of life.i've yet to find what i long to find.and i always seem to not be good enough.i can do things well.but i'm neither bad nor excelling in it.and this really makes it hard for me to find passion in anything i do.i've long forsaken my athletical goal.but i'm still not doing well for ballet.i still feel insecure and unable to live up to my teacher's expectations.i feel i'm not as good as the others and i feel plain awkward.

damn,life sucks.for now,i hope. (:

you are nothing but scum.

plaguing my entire body.

leave me alone,i owe you nothing.

you hit me with your ice-cold hand,

the ring of the crack of whip rings hard in my ears.

i hate you so much,

you're a pest in my life.

i'll pay you back your measely money

so leave me alone you fucking bastard.

i rather not knowing you,

i don't crave for you like them

you're not related to me

you suck you low-life

my head is throbbing

it's enclosing me alive

the mark with scar me life long

so don't think i'll forget.

haha.today went out to meet friend but he was late and it was raining.haha...then went over to meet the others.but they were even later.haha...made us both wait like crazy..haha.but they paid for the tix.so it wasn't so bad.anyway i cope alot of susus's sweets so it's even.haha.had fun at the museum.but one of the sections had this god thingy.that lights up at time intervals and has this eerie gong sound.haha.freaked me out.but susu and brenda and mel gutsy enough to even sit in that room.haha..after that,we went to long johns while the other rich kids went to cafe cartel and waste food.haha.then they went home and we went for the movie.

HAIRSPRAY is freaking nice.a MUST-WATCH!!!haha.

nights..

ohkay,things aren't any better nor any worse.zul's getting cold and hot at times.really dunno what the fuck he's thinking.but i ain't goona let go just yet.i wanna really hear his side of the story.at least,i'll be the one who dumps him.haha.zann has stopped calling me "mimi",both of us(susu&me)think that she's inlove with him too,since she claimed so recently in front of...i forget,just one of the gals.haha.and i hear news of him and zann way too many times.my sources are reliable and i have no reason to doubt them.cause firstly,they are trustworthy,and they have no reason to lie.also,zann and him are just way too coincidental.but i find myself thinking of him most of the time.and he's acting hot and cold at times in school when we meet.however,there's a guy that i've been talking to this guy recently.kinda talk loads.the gals claim that i like him cause there are signs.but i ain't taking any of that.whatever it is,i believe its just platonic.and even if anything happens,i ain't gonna go anywhere further till i settle stuff with zul.

also,i was just freaking pissed and put off by the bad bad leadership skills of my president.he seriously sucks hell.he really cannot multi-task and he got a scolding from me.then the next day i let him known to the problems and what i thought.he just had the "orh" reply that seriously pisses me and the other vice.ain't he capable of anything other than "orh".i realised that no matter how hard i try,i just can't seem to work with him.and i really can't exist with him in the way.i believe that i'm feeling this way is most probably that i have been more on the successful side in my past leadership.and that's why i'm not used to this.i'm not jealous or upset that i'm not the president,actually happy that i'm not.but he really can't do the job.there are others who are way much capable to carry his position in the exco and i feel that the teachers had chosen him for the wrong reasons.he can be an asset to the team just not the leader.a leader have to possess more than only being able to take anything that comes in or against his stride.one must be able to lead others and commit to the pressure and the rest of the team.but unfortunately,we're stuck with him.

i'm thinking of dropping my post after the teachers' day celebrations and had planned to talk to one of the teachers.but i haven't found time.however,my friends all feel that its a waste to drop my post because of him.but i really dun want to be in the same team.i just can't work with him.also,others might feel that i am inappropriate as i can't even resolve the friction between us.really,i rather the negative remarks than stay and ruin my day for the rest of our service.also,i rather commit to something that i enjoy then to do things that will not benefit me in the future.also,i had not wanted this in the first place,therefore since teachers are not satisfied with my performance and i dun really want to commit to improve myself,i shan't waste their time as well as mine.also,the responsibility that encases itself in my post is something too much that i can handle and therefore,i do not feel that i deserve this post.also,i do thing with enthusiasm when i have passion in the task.as for the post,it has evolved from a passionate service to a dreaded chore.he sucks,it sucks.

ohkay,he called me like at around 9.30 pm from home.and i was damn shocked.i kinda wanna talk but also wanted to end it quick.we've been acting like complete strangers cause he is not acknowledging me.he called to ask for harris' number.

our coversation:

him: do you have harris' number?

me: yeah.i'll send you the business card kae? (small pause) bye.

him: wait... i'm not using that number now.so you have to tell me now.

me: erm,kae...

kae.if he aint using the number and he didn't tell me.well,thats so cool.i was upset la.maybe i came on too strong in the start.and maybe he really is a playboy.but whatever it is,he should just put me out of my misery.and i've learnt to be strong.whats meant to be will be la.so be strong hazel!

end.takkaire and sweet life.

ohkay,i was reading my old post (20th june) and realised i haven't talked about him like i promised.haha.so here goes...he's name is ryan and i j\used to like his lilbro and that's when i knew him.but his lilbro was just primary shit.anyway,so i liked him and we talked alot.but he doesn't know at first.then it got quite obvious and shit.during camp we talked for damn long and yeah...but it didn't work out.so i was emo for some time...

but then someone else came into the picture.he's malay and two years apart.it was fun hanging out la.but now he's mugging like shit so we aint talking much.but sometimes,i dunno if i'm doing the right things.you see,he used to be a matt and he's bad.but he's changed like hell (and fyi: he's model student in school kae?).but my friends (for my sake) told me things they saw with their own eyes.i mean i have no reason not to disbelieve them.they tell me, "once a playboy,alwyas a playboy".i dunno la.thats all for today.

heyhey.very long never update le.haha.been damn busy and tired.keep falling asleep.haha.anyway,today went to come lab during physics.thats why i went to my blog.the two girls with me so curious about my blog sia.so yeah,came to update when i saw the last post's date.haha.i'm effing broke sia.so have to start saving money.haha.so,i'll update when i have something to say.haha. (:

ohkay,finally i find time to blog.but i'm just too mixed to say much.i feel like so lost la.i dunno why i'm feeling liddat.(fuck shit,another emo post)but i can;t help it.and i'm upset.but i hope to find the answer soon.

haha..ohkay,so today was the exco outing.but we needed to go to school for some stuff.was late but still walked there with yas..haha.then they helped the aunties put up the curtains for the councillors' room.haha,pictures later.slacked till ms chua came.then went to do the class diary.easypeasy.but had a more vast job scope waiting for us to settle.sigh.then supposed to have a "meeting" with ms chua.but in the end she cannot..then we sneak off to sentosa lor..but during the journey,we very distracted.so finally made it there.then the started to drag and carry people into the sea.haha.i also kenna.by yas la.nehneh.haha.then played captain's ball in the water.damn fun but very tiring.then went to play volleyball,sucked hell.then soccer.then another round of water dragging.haha.then went to bathe.haha.then went to vivo to have linner (lunch+dinner).then walked a bit then come home.haha.wah lao,they all keep saying me and yas couple.haha.no way la.haha.

and now,the pictures.haha.

hardworking guys.

hardworking.

sadly,group photo not with me.shall upload next time. (: takkaire,

sigh.today started out as a very very bad day.i woke up late when i was supposed to wake up early to do some work before heading out.so i had to rush everything and in the end was late for the judging.but one of the guys from the judging department looked damn good and he's funny too!haha.then i went to meet yingjie.before boarding the train,i bought the mac's honeydew milkshake.not bad,just too sweet.so when i changed the train,i bumped into a lady and i was "oh shit!" and i had to pick it up.and then i went into the other train.the train started and i shuffled backwards.i screamed "fuck" damn loud and knocked into a group of guys behind.my head hit some guy's head la.fucking embarrassing.then i said sorry and didn't dare look at them la.but the day changed when we started shopping.haha i bought a pair of three quater whitewash jeans.haha.takkaire (:

hey all!i was so overwhelmed by all th tags.wonder how some got here.haha.anyway,i'll take some time before moving my lazy ass to change and add links so do bear with me.anyway,it's been long since i blogged so i'm gonna write out my whole hols.haha.bear with the long post.

28th may.

my grade4 piano exams.internal.the examiner was a tall lady that looked like she wanted to eat me.and it freaked me out.stumbled over everything and well,rushed out as soon as i could.(fyi,i passed on the dot (: )

29th may.

first day of hua chong SLC.got lost in their high school section which looked like a holiday resort.found the place and got settled.in group MINERVA!with 2 huachong guys,menghang and alwyn.only malay gal,azeerah.only indian guy,sankarsh.only other singapore chinese gal,jingting.one hongkong foreign participate,karman.one indian foreign participant,abu.our dearest fac,CJ!haha.had orchard orientation where my super useful good sense of direction and orchard wits came to good use.haha.didn't win but had a fun time.went back for the water bombing war.haha.was physically tired out.

30th may.

second day of SLC and it wasn't as fun.was all thinking.had to come up with an effective group action paper.then attended my first FORMAL consortium meeting.it was so formal,i nearly slept.haha.

31st may.

boring day.full of boring meetings.

2nd june.

last day.had performance.ecne sucked as a group.but their teamspirit was commendable.but they screwed the whole consortium performance.all in all a teary day.then met up with jinxuan jie.kept her waiting.really sorry.

4th june.

the start of my obs trip.haha.damn high.got there like in the afternoon?then had the admin. stuff.then had the general stuff.and finally,we set off.reached the campsite and food never tasted so good.haha.thinking of him.

5th june.

woke up and it my family's turn to lead.got the the base camp where we did high elements and started our boating trip to either campsite a or b.we were good and fast enough for b.haha,camped.thinking of him.

6th june.

found our trash all over the place cause some family didn't do sentry and the dogs got to it.continued our sea ex around the entire island.rowed like most of the journey,sometimes navigating and humouring the tired souls.haha.slept the last part of the journey in the slack boat and got BURNT(yay me!)!got to bathe.haha.thinking of him.

7th june.

land ex.tiring but damn fun...felt so accomplished when we reached the end and saw the breathe-taking sight of the quarry.damn beautiful.thinking of him.

8th june.

left pulau ubin.went to yppae to slack.then he walked me home.

10th june.

log shopping for tong xin camp.haha,fun shit.

11th june.

log shopping.and the rushing out of the shirts.damn nice la,our comm. tee.haha.ORANGE JUICE!!!

12th june.

first day of tong xin camp.haha.was late cause only had 15mins of sleep rushing out the stuff need for camp.at night,talked to him till like 3?

13th june.

second day.also had the pot luck.damn nice food man!thanks to all the uncles and aunties!haha.and our performance.i screwed up but was ohkay.haha.talked to him till like 1plus.damn sad.

14th june.

left the sembawang camp.cabbed home.rushed lunch and met him.he brought me to this damn cool place then went to buy his cds and went home.haha.

15th june.

totally quiet day.no interaction.talked to him.ended up crying cause the truth is he didn't wanna continue.doesn't feel as much as i feel for him.

16th june.

elbro and cousin's birthday.watched shrek.ate at crystal jade for dinner.celebrate fathers' day and birthday lor.went to the body shop.came back with loads of stuff.

17th june.

went the yppae to pack.turned into "spring cleaning" of M24.haha

18th june.

partII of "spring cleaning"

19th june.

went to town on my own.dun feel inferior now.i think i've found confidence. then to ballet(yay me!)!

20th june.

going to the science centre to judge on the competition.then going out with yingjie.

21st june.

going to school to prepare for the department meeting the next day.and for ms chua to see us.then continuing with the sentosa outing.

22nd june.

outing with my mum.

the other days are serious homework days.rushing to complete my homework.

you see me talking about him.but i'm not ready to talk about him.so do bear with me.

you guys,just takkaire and god bless you. (:

haiz.today's vesak day and also the day my uncle's tablet is arriving at his home.so now all the poeple are gathered here to do the ceremony and stuff.well anyway,let me update you on the huachong SLC that has taken place on tuesday,wednesday and two more days to come,friday and saturday.

tuesday,which is the first day was sort of the orientation.we went to orchard and had the orchard orientation.it was fun and i was namely the walking street directory.haha.i was good.[grins]then we went back for mass games,throwing water bombs at people.haha.it was great.we were physically tired out.

wednesday,the second day was a more formal day.we had to write out an action paper on two major problems.we spent 5hours plus thinking and writing,then we had a formal consortium meeting.it was my first time in a real fromal consortium meeting.and it was really fun in a way.we were all mentally worn out.haha.only two more days and SLC will be over,time really flies.haha.

well,seeya!haha (= takkaire.

haiz.it just totally sucks,being in the council.he's not stable enough and doesn't carry authority.tsktsk.i worry for our 21st council.i know i should be giving my greatest support.but sometimes,i feel that he dosen't deserve to be the head casue he can't step up to the challenge.and sometimes,things aren't always what they seem.and i've learnt to not trust people.cause looks can be deceiving.and it takes alot to know what dirty secrets lie ahead.

i'm beat on friday.having to worry and get effing pissed with a number of people,i really didn't know what to do.and i was really touched when my friends just got me to sit and stone there while they left me to myself.really,it helped me.when things started having it momentum,i got the hang of things too.and the meet was more or less alright?

i believe i can do better and i want to do better.i want to prove to them that i really dun need them and that i can jolly well survive on my own.and by right,i'm not a lone stranger,people dun like them as well.and thats becasue of what they did and not what i said to them,(i'm not that influencial and they can disbelieve me).

this two weeks have been really really hectic.whats with the investiture coming up(its over)and the preparations for the inverstiture and meet.darn the school for giving so much time(not).steeping up to the mike,i didn't know i had a habit of softening my voice.and with the eyes on me,i read monotone-ly.but i will work harder.i want(hope)to be an exco teachers will remember.

and now i feel kinda bad when i "take over" the president.cause is the president and i will feel bad.but now,i will do my best,even if it means that i'll "overtake".cause the kids need order and firmness.and if he can't take charge and give that,i have to take over.otherwise,our council will collapse like what the student body and councillors think.they foresee us fail.but i will do my best anf give my all to ensure that it doesn't fail.and it will have to start from me.i have to do best of what i know.

ok.so i haven't been doing regular posts this past week or so?well that's cause i've recently received my post as vice president for the 21st student council.darn the post man,because of the investiture and other stuffs,i've missed FIVE ballet lessons.WHAT THE FUCK!damn the school.it just sucks.i hope i haven't demoted myself into my teacher's black book.

haiz.

ok.so today went for yppae.then instead of the magical holiday camp meeting,was the friendship camp.then i became the vice-chairman.haha.stressed sia.haha.today finally sent out the consent forms.hope the response will be good.only left 4sundays to the camp and time is really running short.haha.oh and for the choir,i'm in soprano.haha.so happy.cause its the melody.easiest to sing.hehe..drama for today wasn't quite fun but hope it will get better.haha.as for the poem recitation,i'm the group leader.and the poem for my group is about FRUITS.so...interesting.haha.dunno what to expect.and we're supposed to sing it?dunno how to do so.haha.

well takkaire. (:

after i retired to my room to cry in peace,tears didn't flow out.nothing came out.i just felt really really tired.as if,i could fall asleep even while standing.

i'm just really tired of this kinda rubbish you people throw at me.you'd think i'll kill to have fakers and actors in my life.and then treat them like what you call friends?save it.i'm not interested.

but now that i'm awake and reading my stuff again,i feel nothing.i'm just numbed towards this kinda crap.save your act in front of other people.you are the ones "pretending" your ass off.

like my url tells you,my life ain't your life.
you say i have no rights so talk about such stuff?well,you're in no position to reprimand me about it anyway.and anyway,you are no better yourself.well well well,i can probably guess who the fuck you are.but you ain't gonna be here to access my blog anyway.but since you're such a superbeing where you can actually assess my situation and conclude that i'm a bitch.well,i can also conclude that you're no better.and i dun look in the mirror.my bad.i just use my time to make sure people like you have a time of their lives and have the material to look at.consider the deed done.

you people have no rights to step into my life and say anything.cause first of all,you all are in no position to talk.secondly,i'm not hypocritical like you both are.thirdly,i have real friends.not like you guys who have FAKE friends.and thankfully,you showed me your true colours.then i no longer ahve to waste my precious time on you guys.and really,i rather i be a loner in school then mix around with you guys.haha.

i can believe that my temper is really better then you guys.and really,your temper is much worse then mine.at least i know my real friends can understand me.not like you guys,little bit also can't take it.haha.take a hike. (:

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

who do you think you are?why do i always have to "pretend" around you?somehow,you always demand us to please you and shun and step aside when you come by?you think you're so effing big and stuff?well no you aren't.why can you feel the way you feel and say the things you want and others can't?you have no rights to do so and behave like that?you're like a bitch.you're just a toy that people pick up and play with.then discard you when they had enough fun.that's how miserable you are.

and "yes,i am pissed.and i have the right to be.although i had a part to play but you were the trigger.and because of you,i end up crying every night.you caused me to have endless screaming catastrophes with my parents.and you're getting pissed cause i'm blaming you?reflect your fucking fake life girl.just blame myself for seeing the wrong people.and that i'm too rash when making decisions..

everytime. ):

STOP FINDING MY BLOG!

why must you all keep finding my blog?darn it.and,"yes i WAS pissed with you.but who wasn't?but now,all's done cannot be undone.so get over it.i'm no longer pissed.so stop dwelling over the fucking dumb issue.

whats wrong with me?i'm crazy enough to forfeit my results with dumb ideas.that's how dumb i am.haiz.

i wanna lead a whole new life.one where i'm a successful person and i know whats right and whats wrong.i want to lead a life where i dun have to beg to get what i want.i like the fact that there are peopl on the earth who can spend how they like.andits really cool to lead a life like that.just one week i all i ask for.and then i get to keep whatever riches from that week.i just wanna be rich and powerful!haha.i'm like crazy and insane but who doesn't wanna be rich.

they say money can't buy you happiness.its not entirely true.everything now talks money.you get a husband,you need money.set up a family,you need money.no money,you can't live.so everything's about money.

i have big ideas but they need money.how heartwarming?

this life just darn sucks. (:

FUCKFUCKFUCK

i can't believe that my life can be so fucking screwed.

today,my phone and 5 others were confiscated by the dms cause during our bio paper,SOMEONE'S phone needed to ring.the teacher(being a dm herself,)conducted a bag check.and got confiscated.by right it should be held for 10weeks for students and 20 weeks for councillors.but ms chua gave us 5weeks.but i'm still fucking pissed.the culprit wasn't caught with a handphone.and SHE should have admitted.cause it's HER fault,not ours.fuck la.she put in a netting compartment behind her pad.then the male teacher did do much to it.what the fuck.can you believe it?i'm like what fucking crappy world is this la.how can like that de?wah lao.i'm like so freaking pissed la.what the fucking.and she got pissed when one classmate got pissed with her.what right has she got to be pissed?she got us all in trouble when she didn't even get caught la.

WHAT THE FUCK!

haha.today walked home,ok,briskwalked home.bathe and prepared and went out le..then,went to far east to see the shoe.there's a shop at far east level3.it sells white canvas shoes with really unique designs.but i went to see,but can't find something i like.so decided to make myself.and for my mum.it so simple and i have the design in my head le.haha.then go meet yingxi jie to cut hair.cut le.it so short,can't tie.but i like!haha.then go makan,walkwalk and came home.haha.and the *ahem* thing i settled.haha.so happy,and burdenless. (:

haiz.today is the first day of the myes and people still come late.tsktsktsk.dun they view myes as important as their sleep?there was a total of 13 latecomers.haiz.anyway,we have english paper1 first.it was ok cause i didn't have much to write.and had a few minutes left till the bell rang.after which,went to study area to cram in my ss.haha.then went back to class.haha.then something good happened before the ss paper(later then tell).for the ss paper,didn't have enough time to finish.so my essay and source base last question just vaguely finish.mygosh!gonna fail!haha.so after the paper.had a fifteen minute chem class.mdm lock went through the remaining stuff and we went off.

went all the way to lavender cause need to do ic.then i had to retake the electronic scanning of my thumbprint dunno how many times cause my thumd was wet.but after that,i walk to bugis and walk from nearly one hour for jun to come.then had lunch at mac and then went walk walk...

ok.and now the GOOD news!!!(i'm so excited!)i'm going for OBS!!!haha.i was like hopping mad la.haha. (= (smiles from ear to ear.)

today is the big day!haha.the clearing of my table.haha.it was like reall high and i measured two times of beng loon's stretched hand(from thumb to pinkie).imagine the load!haha.met up with yas and walked.but i couldn't take it and passed him some books.still no help.so we decided to take cab.flagged but occupied.empty but blind drivers.empty and it drove off.drivers who chose to change shifts.thanks.especially all the comfort taxis.darn it.but luckily we got a taxi before i officially go completely nuts,a nice aunty driver dropped her passenger at our point and took us in her taxi.woohoo!god bless her man!haha.

haiz.just went to check my results for the nationals.darn,it sucked bigtime.haha.expected but didn't think it can be this bad...haiz. ):

heya,its been awhile.and finally,my school's speech day is over.no more pissed off afternoons getting wasted.but now,i have to go make my ic(its been dragged on for too long!)and prepare for exams.haha.its crazy how i have lost totally interest in studying and fighting for the best.haiz.ever since sec three,i've been slacking and slowing down.i think i'm mad!haha.and i've got to buck up or else i'll never forgive myself.hehe.

the 20th student council is stepping down and nomination forms are handed out to not only the sec3 but also some sec2.haha.and i'm one of it.all of them say that i'll be the next president.but i dun wanna.its stressful enough to be in this school.and i'm not ready to perform supernatural powers.i'm still a human being.and i dun need to be scolded for the tiniest detail or whatever you wanna vent on.so i've yet to get anyone to write in my form.i need dunno how many different comments for the discipline dept to write and i need to hand it in on friday.firstly,i'm lazy to do so and secondly to burn my chances of being chosen.i rather save my time for studying then burning my time doing things that are for this crummy school.haha.

whatever,exams are coming.so good luck to everyone!haha! (: takkaire

i always live by this,"if you're gonna do it,go up to the best."but apparently my school working towards this.haiz.its so stupid and crazy.i will feel ashamed to be known as the organiser if i ever present such a stupid sucky speech and prize giving ceremony.it lame.

i'm tired and will post till here.will post again later. (:

takkaire.

ok.so friday,straight after school,i took my mother tongue oral.wah,was like so nervous.but i think it was ok la.then went for camp.leadership camp.really enjoyed myself.and i think i like someone there leh.i dunno.maybe i hallucinating.haha.i'm crazy la hor.really liked the games there but maybe was too short for any serious work la.but learned looads of skills and stuff.but all in all,was just pure fun!

but after the the breaking of camp,i waited for my dad to come pick me and i waited for 40+minutes.then went went into the car,my dad said,"you know,gu zhang passed away already."(he said in chinese and he used the words "zhou le".so i was like,"huh?what you mean?"then he tell me gu zhang passed away.i was shocked la.but we all saw it coming.actually only kinda of la.cause last week,my sis told me that the doc said can remove the tubing cause he can breathe on his own.so i thought it was a good thing.then my mum also told me that he's out of icu.in normal ward,even better.but then,it ended likle this.but it's also a relief as its been hard for my sis and aunt these weeks.

now at my sis's house.resting before rejoining the people at the wake.so i shall update till here.

takkaire.

watched freedom writers on sunday.a really really good movie.i'd give it 4.5stars out of 5.

i really salute Erin Gruwell for her passion for teaching.her perseverence and strive to make a difference,to help her students and to bond them all.she went all out to ensure that they get to have facilities experience of real war and even the introduced them to The Holocaust Project.

also,i salute Miep Gies.she is the war heroine.without her,there wouldn't be any The Diary Of Anne Frank.she was the peoson who hid the Frank family from the Nazis and was held at gunpoint when the germans took Anne away.she could have been killed or sent to camp.thank god she survived to tell the tale to the world.

i feel that everyone should be exposed to this movie.it shows us how colour and nationality is such a big issue and it comes under the word racism.it is an uber sensitive word.but somehow,there are a few suckers who find it funny to crack racist jokes and give comments.a funny no-offence joke is ok.but no one asked for you to start discriminating people by their skin colour.also,the movie touched on a touchy issue,gangs and gang fights,racial or group clicks.this can be seen in every society,evn singapore.however,kids her dun fear everyday,whether they can live up to be 18.but it could happen one day.therefore,this movie should be seen by everyone possible.to see what the real world is like.and what could be when the singaporean society mutates.

also,sunday,we had a meeting about what plans yppae had and the june friendship camp!yay.this time i'm the medic(yet again)and the ic for games com.!haha.so excited but so worried at the same time.counting down,we only have 9 more sundays to the camp.short time!

anyway,i will strive to make the games fun and easy. (:

after the meeting,we had the final closure for wizard of oz production.had fun voiced out thoughts and then had the potluck.nice yummy time. (:

the hippy peeps didn't come.but it ok.we'll be seeing them at their performance. (:

takkaire. (:

haiz..after a night's sleep,i feel much better.but still nothing has changed.but after waking up and looking at my phone-9.25,i tried to go back to sleep then i suddenly sprangup and guess what?i said in my mind,"shit,i'm late for rehearsals"darn.and then i realised that i wasn't late for anything.and that the performance had long ended.haha.

anyway,takkaire. (:

finally,its over.no more sad cheerless days for me and the others who actually put in effort.i dun understand why so many things have to happen over these short period of time.everything's just going the wrong way.things shouldn't happen like that.things shouldn't be like this.but apparently He's playing with me.why,why does things need to come to such a state?and i still try to look on the bright side.there is no bright side.no more,no longer,never will.

what is your problem?i never ever helped you to ask for your trust and whatever for the future.you,you looked for me in the first place.i tried to help you but you just wasted my time.you wasted my time asking stupid things and coming to a conclusion way before.you wasted my time worrying for you.you wasted my time trying to console you when i need some comforting as well.and now,you turn your back against me.as if nothing had ever happened before.as if,i've been that evil and enemy-ish to you since the day we were born.well,i no longer have anything to say.i have nothing to reminisce about at all.你根本就是翻脸不认人,是我的好弟弟.

"we're losing him.we're going to lose our guzhang"-the exact words of my mum.i don't care how things are now.bad till no return,i'll continue to pray and hope you'll wake up.and that you'll get better soon.

everyone has to go through this,its part and parcel of life.but its so sudden.he always appear to be strong and will never fall.but,things has to turn out like this.jiejie is the one that really can't take it.its the hardest on her.but i don't know how to help her.

i've always thought that i'm a strong girl.and that i can smile through the strongest wind,brave the overturning waves and stand strong no matter what comes.but i realise that i always break down over the smallest thing.and that i have no courage at all.i just can't stand up to the fact that my life is off the track.i cry because i get pushed to the front.i cry bacause i'm hurt.how could i?i'm supposed to be strongest among all the others.i'm supposed to be their pillar no matter what happened,no matter how the think of me.but when the moment is just right round the corner,i cower and breaks down.really,whats wrong with me?i've lost sight of my spirit,my path.but when will i find it?will it ever be back?

all thats happening,i'm glad that i still have yppae.it allows me to temporarily forget all my tears and smile.thanks guys! (:

politics,-"it's a bad word.you know,the word politics is a really bad word?"-quoted from someone.

my gosh!i got pulled in to some really bad class politics and apparently,i'm the victim.what the hell.and all the assumptions you made,all the things you said.how fun it is to slap you face till my hands hurt?i'll really like to try.but i'll give one more chance.but its not going to stop me from hating you.hehe.you know,all these politics really brought out the colours in you.how dull!all the grey and especially black.how beautiful.you really paint a colourful picture.

why do you start sms-ing me again?first you break my heart and then you ask me to forget you.its right.and thenyou sms me.you're supposed to avoid me!my gosh.its not your fault but i'm here reprimanding you.i'm insane,i'm nuts!

i wanna go back to a time when nothing went wrong.when my life hasn't gone off the track.then maybe i can change the course of life.its shattered and its bleak.when will life change for the better?i need to know now.cause i'm on the verge of breaking down.really.

oh my gosh.8 months have just zoomed by and the wizard of oz production has finally come to an end.i hate the word end!!!8 months just fly by and everything's over.i can still remember the very first rehearsal...everyone stuck in M23 and then doing the warm up,everyone squashed together.ah~the good times.even the feeling of nervousness,i miss.i dunno,just feel darn empty.like a huge part of me is gone.i want to go back to 8months ago.just relive the whole experience again?but then again,too much of a good thing is bad.now,its the looking forward to the june camp and also the meeting on sun... (:

haha.after so long,i've finally found time to blog.been really hectic over the days and could really use so break-time.haha.anyway,yesterday was the first day of performance.kinda got screwed but we still have a last show today.everyone's gonna give it our all to redeem ourselves and shall do our best.but whatever it is,we'll just give it our all. (:

takkaire.peace out.

hehe.went to watch stomp the yard on friday.haha.so freaking nice. (: all the guys have pecs la.haha.and stepping is so cool!!!can't wait to catch the other movies on the list. (:

went home at 11.35.but walked xiaojun back because was dark.then walked to the bus stop.missed my last bus but took another bus.then my dad called then kinda scolded me on some stuff.nvm.then changed bus and reached home at like 1 plus.bathe then sat here till now.

think i'm sick.in class,my friends dun feel cold but i feel cold.i have a sore throat and now i'm shivering when there's no wind nor fan or aircon.my body isn't normalbody temp.darn this hectic school days. ):

watever it is,i've done my bit and actually more then asked from.so i'm quite ok.then she suddenly talked to me.not really talked.just acted normal.so its ok?nah,i rather not know.the other is history.so there you have it,the ending,official ending of this stupid thing.haha. (:

now i feel so light.i mean mentally.i feel like a burden has be lifted.but duh,there are other things that weigh me down.got to resolve them soon so i can concentrate on my effing studies.haha. (:

peace out, takkaire. (:

numb to my feelings,numb to emotions,its just unexplainable.

"i'm sorry for

blaming you

for everything

i just couldn’t do

and i’ve hurt myself

by hurting you" - Christina Aguilera, Hurt

i'm a LONER,for now.haha.

thinking it over,yes,its no one's fault that this all happened.things just happens sometimes.and when it comes to the affairs of the heart,my doesn't count as a result of any party.but if really we have to say,i blame myself for making myself so mirserable.i will eventually forget him.i know.but how long?

i'm so emo-feeling and well,just can't comprehend what i'm feeling.i feel like crying and i dunno whats wrong with me la.i mean,its not that i'm touched or angry.i just had a sudden gush of sadness and i felt tears welling up.but i hold them back.

actually,when there are fights like these,you know people better.invovled or not. (:

dun think you know me...cause you really dun...

i thought that i have let you go.but i still get all nervous and uncomfy around you.whats wrong with me?

i'm tired and stressed out.i'm worried and tired with loads of work,dropping grades and effing crap.yeah,push all the work to me.you guys are doing such tedious work.eh~

i'm starting to see you in the dark light. ):

after walking out of the class on wednesday,stories got around.and it seems like everyone got a different story.and its wrong.thanx!

what i dun understand is how you can effing contradict yourself without blinking your eye.you are just ruthless,heartless freak.and if you have got the guts,come talk to me face-to-face,dun go around talking behind my back.too scared to face me?got the creative juices then write your own cheer la.dun come and change my cheer from good to effing crummy.you're ruining my name.i thought you wanna be original?write your own.so disrespectful of you to go around editing cheers without the acknowledgement of the writer and then pass it off as yours.how original.ask us dun stick in a group,then you also dun stay in a group la.slapping your own face yeah?

personally,i feel you have no leadership qualities at all.not that i wanna brag,but from my view,you have no command over the others.its not that they have to listen to you like a squad and commander manner.but a respectful manner.you just dun command that.too bad.but do i look like i care?i just want my cheer to return and not be used in an edited and crunny way.not only is it rhythm-less,it doesn't work with the beats.but what really bugs me is that you took my perfectly fine cheer and transformed it into a really bad crummy cheer.it's pissing me off.

as for the other one.i know you too well.i thought you didn't like the idea of the cheer.and now i see you being to hyped up.why?new alliance,must show enthu side?hah!my ass.let's see how long you'll last.dun let me predict you,prove me wrong.got nothing to do?being a spy for your precious friend?well,obviously,i'm talking about you guys.what more can i do then to oppose you?but the fact still exists.it's true.whatever i say is true and not some fake crap like what you will come up with.oops,saw through your smokescreen?boo~

in conclusion,if you got the guts to face me,come and settle with me.i'm definitely not afraid of you.also,you got the guts and creative juices,write your own cheer.dun use other's work,edit and pass it off as yours.i'm not saying you can't change my cheer.but at least have the courtesy to inform and acknowledge the writers rights.i work professionally.with work,talk is ok.no guts to even talk work?dun be a leader.

stop ruining my life.cause i will let you taste what i'm going through really soon.dun wait for it to come,thinking i won't do it.dun underestimate me.

when you are not true to yourself,how can you fnd true friends?true friends are friends who accept your all,not at one shot but little by little.they know you well after years of being together.they tell you what they think without hesitation because they know you will do the same.they are comfortable around you being themselves with no hidden veil because they know you will too.they smile when you smile and cry when you cry.and when you choose to end your life,they dun jump too,but hold you close and tell you that its not over.you still have them,and if you still go,they'll be there to tear your tears,love your beloved and watch you from below.

why do you talk the "necessary" whenever the situation calls for?it just shows how fake you are.you can go around bluffing the others.but 旁观者清(people who are not invovled sees the clearest,).so grab a flight and fly to some unknown country and stay there.you can start anew. (:

takkaire (:

tell me really

you wanted all this?

you saw it,

you knew it would come

come one day.

but you held on.

what is wrong with you?

who knows what thoughts they think.

they're known for they're different thoughts yeah?

and also they're contradiction.

life goes on.

uoy clal eslevsoyur ym senifrd?ltoylta nto i ehosoc ot asy.uoy erwe verne owh yuo ylreal aer.msaks nia’t puseodsp ot isxet etbnwee iednrsf,fi tshat hwta uoy atrte em.tusj og no twih elfi dan rcayr no wtih rouy oatrdinnsocitc.usjt cyarr no spiitng em.i kiadn klie eht uqtie em orf ocen.ebnig teher ot eehcr ouy gysu pu dan ingmak oolf uot fo flseym newh i eden moes nchergei pu oto.nkhat oyu rfo ienbg husc lnwrfdueo sifedrn!

i dunno what i've become.i'm just totally numb to the fact that i'm performing badly.at least i used to feel sad and cry.now,i just stare at the paper as if it doesn't matter.i does.it does but it just doesn't sink in.i dunno.i'm in a mess.

but i know that there are just freaking great _______ there for me!they use forgotten about it as excuses and also been pms-ing everytime or just suddenly.dun you have to agree that they're real great _______?

i just know everything so so fine!

what hell,i've just accidentally deleted my whole post.what the hell?haiz.i'm too lazy to retype.maybe tomorrow.haiz.tomorrow,they both have plans.and i'm all alone.bleah q: nevermind,i shall enjoy myself at home to the com!haha.then i shall update again.haha. (:

i dunno if its me or that it is a sign of despodency because i have been having feelings for my ex-es one after the other.i keep telling myself that i'm just despo but now it just doesn't seem like it.what to do?tsktsk.

quite blue now.seeya.takkaire. ):

haha...back from camp!hehe...it was fun and i really miss myra and feeq!they are our trainers and it was fun to have them.

i finally got to play the zipline(flying fox)and i broke my record of less than 20sec on the rockwall.haha.but the rockwall was like very short and easy so yeah.haha...anyway kinda wanna go for more camps instead of just going to school.cause school sucks and its boring.haha.

shall update next time.takkaire and peace out. (:

i feel like i'm being punished for things i never did.and it wasn't my fault.it's really unfair.let's take a history lesson...

after the WWI,the big threes and other worls representatives were called in to have a meeting on how to settle the war.however,germany and russia didn't sent any representatives.so in the end,germany was blamed for the whole war and was asked to pay an impossible sum of 6.5million.and because it was impossible,germany had to tax the people to repay.the tax went up and up and in no time,the poeple and the whole of germany sank into a poverty that was very difficult to rebound.it was like the fell into a really deep hole and no one could help.but the poeple had no business in the war.they had been under monarchy rule and thus had no chance to choose their ruler.the people had to "pay" for damanges they didn't caused.it was unfair to them.no the rulers,but the poeple.

anyway,i feel like this and i dun understand why they must vent their anger on me.i had to "pay" for him and no i've lost my phone and my allowance lowered.vulgaritiesare like popping into my head.

well for this i cried and also took a cane mark with me.i'm way too old for it.please.anyway,that explains the swollen and also,the bluebalck i have on my thigh. @#$%

anyway,no peace out today cause i'm not at peace.takkaire

well so i changed my url.please dun nobody link me.cause i just wanna lead a simple life.thanx. (: and please dun spread either.haha.i'll explain some other time. (:

peace out. (:

haha.today's the 2nd day of CNY and my family went to my uncle's house.cause two of my uncles have their homes like just a "road" away from each other,we visited both,one after the other.and i started eating from the first house at around 2 till 8.cause after the first house,we went to the next house and then went to my grandfather's house for dinner.cool huh?!haha.i feel so fat,i look fat and i am fat!ahhh!!!help!

haha.anyway,it's quite fun to have time spent with relatives and friends.haha.anyway,life is just getting boring-er and boring-er...haiz...

people,just takkaire!haha. (:

haha.it's weird.usually CNY would be a really busy day for me and that usually i'm nowhere near the computer.but it seems i've managed to sit in front of the computer without putting up any form of fighting with my lilbro.i mean,it's always the same situation.we'll fight like it costs our lives.haha.

so anyway,i've been blogging alot.it's probably that i've changed a blogskin so i have this new lease of energy and urge to blog.haha.all hail blogging and blogskins and most importantly blogskiners.haha.without them,i won't be able to have this wonderful skin!haha!

channing tatum is just totally too juicy!and the movie and choegraphy is just amazing!!!haha...

anyway,just to give a report of my progress to lenghten my post.i've done an excellent job of keeping out of the way!haha. (:

takkaire people and peace out! (:

hey guys and gals...hehe.kinda just came back home from my hectic day of reunion.haha.quite ok la.first went to my parternal side of the family to have a steamboat style reunion lunch.then went shopping for my elbro's CNY clothes.then after that went to my mum's side of the family.had a simple family reunion dinner.then stay and talk and watched Step Up!

i love that show man...i mean i've just created a whole new record for myself to have watched a movie for 3 times within 2 days.i mean i've never been so hiong for so long.it feels great.haha. (: it may not seem crazy for others but i mean for me thats alot haha.

anyway,i visited stan's blog and found outabout a new movie.epic movie.i dunno why i haven't of it yet?haha...i'm outdated and slow ba...haha.it seems really cool and i really wanna catch it...but i dunno.have to see.hehe.

tomorrow's gonna be a day in which for the first time,my home is hosting the makor gathering.and my mum's gonna be like freaking stressed.so i'll do a good job of sticking to the com or room and keep outta the way.many would like help the mums out.but if i step in and help it'll make my mum more stressed.haha.

anyway,i feel so bored so i need those other bored people to sms me if there's any out there.so yeah.be it boliao or whatever.help!haha.dun disregard this call for help!haha...

anyway,if anyone realised,i changed my blogskin.like?i dun care la actually...cause i love it!haha...well to everyone,again, HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR (:

haha...finally changed blogskin.so all those who have pested me to change...nah..change le.so dun complain.

anyway, bought the step up dvd!!!oh my gosh la!i love step up and channing tatum.he's just too cute!!!haha...

today is the eve of lunar new year so need to go eat reunion dinner and lunch...haha.so gonna see my cousins and all.haha...

to all, happy lunar new year!

hello!!!missed me yeah?haha...well it's been like ages since i last posted so it'll be short?haha.well today had to stay back in class to discuss about class cheer.wtf la...pissed off because of this lor...haiz.whatever it is i dun wanna care...cause i've given up on it and i'm doing it for rachelle.so yeah...piss me off and you'll get it.haha. (:

well today's also post v day....so i'll wish everyone a happy POST valentine's day! (:

yeah!haha... (:

this is goona be a short post...really wanna clear things up and move on.people out there really need to clear their ears.if it still doesn't work,go find a quieter place.get your facts rite and please dun act like a god.no one owes you a life.no one need to have a good attitude towards anybody.and it also means you.if your attitude and actions are pleasant,then things would have turned out pleasant too.and if you resort to such lowdown acts then you can gurantee that i've utterly lost my complete respect to any one of you.

so things are cleared.let's move on...

now,its clear that wr has broken out between us.to think that we were so close and now...this has to happen.i dun intend to be friends with her at all but we were friends before.but it has to end like this...i mean,probably we were just to close for comfort.haha.but i kinda have to thank you too.so that i can see your TRUE colours.i dun understand why you have to be so mean.(to feng la.feng dun scold me hor)i mean what or who makes you think that you can just walk down the aisle and pick up this toy and then have real great fun with her.then throw her aside...its just so not fair to her.i mean everyone has feelings.even you.but when you treat our feelings disrespectfully,we will take eye for an eye and repay you back the way you've treated us.many a times,people say to disregard the presence of people like you and just let them do things they like.but i feel that although its the peaceful way to resolve the problem,the problem isn't solved.if we dirsregard your presence,you may think that its alright to do so and continue.nope,for me i'll take action.really take action.but you have better thank the person you call deardear.he had asked me to not take action.haiz.i was so pissed off with him.but his decision is his.i never force him.but whatever la ok?

its funny how you can come up with excuses so nicely.it seems as though you are so used to being questioned?whatever it is...i'm just tired of all your lies and presence.im tired of this war and the fact that it's so difficult and tiring to keep up with the war.but as i said today,you have gotten what asked for...

peace out...

haiz...today is such a high low day...as usual,i was freaking high during breaks.ESPECIALLY during recess...i was like dancing around.haha...and freaking high.then i kept on trying to sing the jojo-too little too late de high pitch part.haha.so funny.haha.but some parts really pissed me off... q:

well of them is something that happened during chinese class.today we have physics prac. before chinese.so by the time we reached class most of the other people reach le.then it all started...

in the class
esther:omg...karen and jingxuansitting at our places leh.
me:huh?!

me:(to jingxuan)sorry...i'm sitting here.
jingxuan:but got people sit our places already
me:but i'm sitting here.
(she nothing to say and reluctantly stood up)
(turns to karen)
me:ummm.karen,she's sitting there
karen:can you dun talk until liddat?no need to talk until so unpleasent one
(no written word to word but is very near this)

i'm like *chicken neh neh* la.i dun need to say anything.i dun wanna waste my breathe.BIATCH!

then also got the zikang thing.but i lazy to type.haha.but he's a major bastard and i'm gonna make him regret offending me.haha.i'm gonna make him suffering and make she he's so embarrassed he dun come near me. q:

haha.anyway,i kinda feel that that girl is dumb and very contradicting.haha. q:

peace out.

you know sometimes you feel that you know the person.but it turns out that you dun know the person at all.or its just that the person changed so much and so drastically that you feel that the person is like some complete stranger.sometimes its just too difficult and too much to accept.but what can i say?perople change.some fast,some slow.nobody knows how much,when and all this.some people believe life is predestined,some believe that we path our own life.whats you pick?to me,i agree with both.life is predestined that whatever is going to happen,He knows.as in He knows we are gonna take this path and He knows that we are going to do this.so in fact it is predestined and we choose our own life.(although i'm not christian,i believe that ther's a god and all gods are the same.just that to different religions,their gods come in different form.this belief is neither racist nor against any religion)

talking about life,i believe that no one owes anyone a life and that if anyone thinks that they owe anyone a life,they need to rethink their definition of life and find a meaning in life.likewise to people who think that others owe them a life.i mean no one owes anyone a life because we are the owners of our own life.if we let others run our life,we might as well find a new life.when others run our life,its as if we have lost our soul and our feelings.remember,we run our OWN lives.

anyway,after much thought,i've decided to turn over a new leaf and really really stop cursing.and also i'll stop my unreasonable acts and stop hitting people for no particular reason.however i will still stand up for my own rights if i ever have to.but rome wasn't build in a day so it'll some time but i'll work on it and try to accomplish as soon as possible.

time has made me realise that somethings cannot be forced.and really,people say that impossible is nothing.sometimes its really means nothing.nothing will be the outcome.i've decided to let go of him and i hope to really walk out of this everlasting crush.i mean,i don't want to be stuck in the one-way road to nowhere.i want to get somewhere and i'll have to work to get results.no pain no gain!

i have also made a resolution to train really hard this year round.and train whenever i can.also,i want to work really hard academically too.i want to work towards 7 points.and to really clinch a firm foothold,all my results must be high A1s and A2s so that at least i have a certain answer.

yppae will finally start next sunday!i've waited so long!not only because i'm really bored on sundays,i miss the people too!i didn't know i'll miss them.i mean,i know i'll miss the gang because we are so close.but i also miss my huas!haha.and the wuyas and the maos and everyone!haha.so happy that we'll be seeing each other again!haha.yay to sundays!haha.family!haha.

this is really a long post and i don't know who would come to read.but i will still be as crazy as nutter!haha. (:


i love my BESTIES!!!
peace out and takkaire! (:

haha...what should i post today...hmmm... q: dunno what to post sia..haha..never occurred to me that i have nothing to post.well actually have la...but is kinda depressing.later stancome and scold me.haha...say everytime also emo and pissed..haha..but i'm gonna post anyway.stan dun blame me...i'll find happy things to post soon.haha

so had training on wednesday for xcountry.bah~sucks la can... ): totally didn't train during the hols.was busy with chiong-ing homework and also the rehearsals.haha...so during xcountry training,had to take in the ugly truth...totally sucked...but i'm determined to train hard.and do myself proud... (: jiayou me!

i'm tired of your lies.i'm tired of being there with you and being at your disposal when you took me for granted.i've had enough.you're on your own...dun turn to me,ever...since you always have a decision planned beforehand why still ask us for advice?i mean,you've already made a decision...so dun come and waste our time.we have spent time and effort and all you did was to push us aside and pretend we dun exist?i dun understand why she still helps you.you said you've wronged many people?i change my statement.you did.and you still do.wake up!i'm giving up on you.so takkaire...

anyway...so far had two test.maths(e) and physics.haiz...both also got make mistakes.but maths confirm fail.lost 19 marks straight on.just great!haha.

i dun wanna have tuition stress but then it would be good to have tuition and allow me to do really well.i mean...it will enrich me and it will help me do better.way better.i dunno.i mean i need time to think.i dunno...i'll talk to my parents.but its ex yeah?$240 for 4 x 2h sessions.haha...we'll see...

anyway,i think there's something wrong with cbox.all the cboxes cannot type message.tsktsktsk...

haiz.stress le.and so fast.third week of the term.there's a long time yeah?anyway...i'm feeling rather demoralised by some stuff at school which sucks bigtime.haiz... ):

reply taggies
jinxuan:haha.yup.agreed.SCREWED!!! (:
jinyong:haha.i dunno.but i'll write about happy stuff more often.thanx... (: rock on!

ok.now i really hate you.how could you?fucked up bastard.go and get a room la ok?stop hanging out in class like the rest of us are invisible.i wanna do my work.so dun gross me out.and you're just a spineless stubborn and selfish coward!fuck!get a life thats out of mine!

AHHHHH!!!!

i'm so effing pissed off now!

who do you think you are?asking me to stop my only way of venting anger.you watch out!ask me to stop and i'll find new ways to vent my effing anger.how 'bout in her face?how 'bout i slash a few cuts on her effing "pretty" face?she thinks she's so tough,she thinks she's so innocently cute.dun even try me.i dun understand why i'm just so effing nosey.i even bother to bother about that "brother" of mine.i should just give him up.he never understands and always stand on her side."well,thanks for everything"...you've wronged many people?well,fact is you've just wronged yourself.you dun accept the fact,then you'll suffer...i dun care who you are.you piss me off and you'll geddit!i dun care if i'm a councillor or not...dun make me flare up...you'll fucking regret!

fact is,now i regret having you as a brother.you just make me tear.sad tears.thanx for the wonderful smokescreen though... ):

fucking bad mood.so bad i could kill.i wanna hate him...but i can't bring myself to hate you la.happy?just count me unlucky to have you as a brother.takkarie,i'm off.

):

haha...so life carries on.totally boring and packed.haha.but getting used to la...haha.but sometimes i really regret a decisions that i made which might be right.as in i told him i'll stay out because i dun want things to fall apart because of that bitch.at that point of time i really meant it and its right to not interfere in stuff that doesn't concern me.but now that i think of it,its not worth it.i meani so think that they both deserve each other.really but in a bad way.and sometimes,no most of the time...she doesn't deserve him.but who am i to say.even i'm not him,i feel hurt and betrayed for him.i mean no one says you can't hang out with out people of the opposite sex.but at least make it clear.i dunno la...others have different thinking.this is just a one-sided opinion.haha.whatever!DROP IT hazel!stop dwelling on it.haha...

changing subjects,i'm feeling rather dumb myself.i'm huachi-ing for like forever!haha.i keep telling myself that its part of the phase of forgetting him.yes,i've made up my mind to forget him.but i never said it was easy.and i know that it isn't easy.but i want it to end soon.its absorbing the life and energy out of me.i dun feel as crazy as i used to be.i really miss 2006.there was 2e5'06 and also yppae production!it was so fun!(starts tearing cause of emo feelings )': )haha...but after i get over this phase once and for all,i'll be my old self again.as crazy as ever.i kinda feel that the craze i'm displaying ain't real craze.as in i feel that i'm just putting an act.i dunno...but just wait and expect more from me...when people say,as you grow older,you mature and fun just fades away.well its true but there's one thing that doesn't change.craze!however old you are.,there's this tingling feeling in you...thats craze.i believe that all humans have fun craziness in them.even adults.they just have to conceal it cause they have to "act"mature.haha...anyway...anything,i'm here.haha (:

takkaire...as yida and stanand ern would always say,"TAKE A CHILL PILL"haha... peace out (:

haha...i'm back after very long to post.actually long ago wanted to post.but lazy to la.haha.anyway,today went out with my yppae friends.but then like very diao liddat.alot people can't come then had no plans.so first,met up with yida then go mac eat.waited for weineng to come.then after that went to play pool but all full.then go the cathay building to eat then yida go home.then both of us walk to bugis meet xiao jun.liying can't make it in the end.then xiao jun come,weineng go home.then walk around bugis looking for a bag.but too bad,can't find my IDEAL one.haha.

anyway,i really think that being a concillor,you're still HUMAN!so i dun think its fair to confine us councillors to be really guai and shirts tucking in like its connected to the skirt.i think that being a councillor we have to be an example.so just be neat and keep unallowed stuff away from the teachers sight.like i dun care if you bring or not.just dun get caught by the teachers.simple as that.i dun care if you put extension for your shirt.just appear neat.i dun care if you bring mp3 or handphones.just dun get caught.i even warn the kids about spotchecks and crap.haiz.i dun care what you think.i'm human and i wanna bring my handphone to school.bite me! q:

so school started got to know the teachers le.but lessons haven't officially start yet.haiz.dunno how i'm gonna cope though.hehe.anyway,i got a haircut and it wasn't what i wanted.dun really like it but all my relatives and mumsay ok.haha.well,good luck to all the poor peeps like me who need to study.jia you!peace out. (:

so today's the first day of the new year,2007.so i really have to say it was a fun-filled year with lots of drama and happenings.good and bad,happy sad.but on a whole,it was an enjoyable year.but i really miss 2006.but i know 2007 will be better.other then the homework and exams and stress.its more or less fine.school kinda gets on my worry list too.i mean i just went to check the timetable and its so sickening to realise you get teachers that kill and the timing kills too.as in look at the time!i'll be considered tohave my whole life spent there from morning to late afternoon for approximately 9 months.that just totally sucks balls!argh!but we're doing the production again.so its cool!frankly,i can't wait to graduate.i mean.just this year,i was crying because i didn't want this year to end.but other part of me wants to graduate and get on with the interesting part of life.haha.i dun rally wanna spend my life going to school and staying there doing work.ok learning stuff is cool and important.but studying isn't my interest.(dun go duh and say,its nobobdy's interest)there are people who ain't nerds but like to study and its their interest.as for me.i wanna "study" in yppae.i mean other then ma,i dun see what's not fun with yppae.i've got friends and seniors juniors.then its drama and acting and by luck some dance.she brings in lots of different directors ad they're great expect for that mother-fucking bastard.i have to really thank her for bring in Aaron Guo(guo ya fu) and Ix Wong(huang tian bao)to come in this time.it was so great working with them.haha.i'm gonna miss them.haiz.

and soon,really really soon,life is back to its normal self and school starts again.wth!but i'll feel really out of place cause i'm already used to going to yppae and drama centre for rehearsals.and rushing all day for the performance.haiz.i just love that life.but school is still important yeah?haiz.i have so much homework to do and i haven't finish half of them.wth!i'm so screwed la.haiz.tsktsktsk myself!

but anyway,good luck in the new year and takkaire!peace out. (:

haha....so the performance is over and i can say that it was fairly satisfying,onmy part.i mean i can do better and i will for the march rerun.so after the last show on 30th dec 2006,some of us helped to bring the props back to yppae.me,my lil bro,weineng,xiaojun,yunzhou,yingxi,shulin jie,mingxiu jie.helped then after we reached yppae on foot,the others left except for me,my bro and xiaojun.then we waited for the first trip of props and helped to carry the props up lor.we helped till like 12 somethingbut couldn't wait for the third trip though.so that was that.the next day,we met at 11 to have lunch and then head down to yppae to pack stuff.1 reached and started packing.the shoes and prepared for the "buffet" later.but in the middle,ma ask us to have a meeting on what to do with the huge props.like the house.and so we planned and in the end,finished packing the whole thing into M31 at 10 plus.so we decided to skip dinner and go to esplanade to watch the fireworks display.it was freaking cool.we walked all the way to like the bridge at esplanade drive there.then people spray us la.damn!but the fireworks display very very nice.a must-watch la.haha.then went to vt to play sparklers.and hugged each other.haha.we were doing really cray stuff.but we didn't care.we had much fun.then slowly we went home lor.i reached home at like 0355.so quite cool la...haha.must thank yeujia,yingxi,jinxuan,xiaojun,mingjing,weineng,xueyu and yingjie for the humongous amount of fun tonight!haha.

everyone,HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (: