it's a FAMILY AFFAIR

[clockwise from right:

teng li jie (cousin)

daren (skinny)

francis (cousin)

ME

estelle (niece)]

WHERE/WHAT IS SKINNY LOOKING AT?!

what is my fringe doing?

boys having fun

[my idea of the three-tiered piggyback!]

of course i had to have a go!

(:

ihateschool

i might get facebook?

yes people,

you've been commenting about this

and you all said that i ain't what i say i am

well,

you never know right?

i think i am

so yeah,

we'll se

(:

but thank you for sticking up for me

from me

q:

it's still raining!!!

damn damn damn

i swear jeremy is just too cute!

new post-its!

short stuff draw two

[just spot the childish drawings!]

yupp, have hope people!

sow hope and you'll reap faith

macha galore!

been bringing/steeping/consuming green tea in school for like a week

and i'm gonna keep doing so

[makes me pee alot tho]

and macha kitkat is love love love

it's seriously just too nice for words

and i just drank green tea latte from starbucks

i'm drinking jasmine green tea from heaven&earth now

i swear green tea is one of the awesomest drink ever

and its detoxification and slimming properties is just more boons to add to it's taste!

thumbs up to green tea

(:

today, i was a bad girl

but i studied!!!

short stuff (:

so nice of her to write my name

cluttered table at coffeebean

(while waiting for this girl to come)

[CAN ANYONE SPOT THE MACHA KITKAT?!?!?!]

one doesn't know anything in full certainty

there could be a little more anchorage

but other than that, the unsure fire burns deep and rampant

the anchorage could just last a mere second

and then the insecurity becomes viral

and all hope is lost and all is light is frail

we all end up cold homeless hopeless

thoughts barging into my mind like a fucking hydraulics pump

thoughts racing in like a bloody F1 car

i need to fix this

i need to fight this

you can never be too sure of anything

anything can be said and changed in a blink of an eye

always expect the unexpected

because when you're caught off guard

you will topple and fall,mangle and break,hurt and cry

but no one,nothing will pick you up

you don't have to state the obvious

you don't have to pretend to take it in

i know, but i don't care

i'm just gonna do things the way i like

whether you give a shit or not

i have plan A and B

even a C

come beat me

you won't be able to pin me down

i'm just good like that

ohkay i swear,

NO ONE reads this space anymore

cause while i'm here blogging and updating

people are hardcore mugging

-.-

motivational talks and pep talks only have this much effect

the magic wears off sooner than you'll believe

and then you're back to square one

regular dosage is required but not given

cause by then, you're a lost cause

like me

skinny looks so cute

new haircut! (:

raw emotions are enough to twist and turn the facts

no one is at fault yet every party has a part to play

we all need to be the warriors of our battles

be calm at heart before anything else

when the wind settles, everything will fall in place

friend, if you still read this space

get well soon, i'll be here waiting for your recovery

shed no more tears, be strong cause you are

photoframes from dearest lydia

and note plus other unshown gifts from the juniors!

(:

i do not know how to even begin telling you

how much i hate school

this morning, i wake up to this sinking feeling

the horrible feeling of apprehension and disgust

getting prepared wasn't as hard,

it's all just routine

travelling there was worse

because i kept having to fight thoughts of escape

as i got closer

the feeling of dread just washed over me, in strong pounding waves

it was just sucking

cause i have 85 more days of dread to tread

missed the last PE session with my class

it was a great 1 plus year of PE with you guys!

(:

doesn't mean that i am gone and done

doesn't mean that i was hurt and still recovering

that i will stop doing what i like

my edited pictures/photographs are my art

(:

takes forever and effort to build up something

but takes only so little and no effort at all to bring it down

this picture reminded me of the "personality quiz" my friend asked

one question was;

"you walk into the room and you see how many chairs"

i said two, where one was fallen and on its side

the quiz is open-ended

so you have to deduce your own answers

and this question was about how many people i trusted

then he tried to deduce what my answer meant

and his deduction was rather accurate, it's scary

because he asked a second question in which he was to remove a chair

which i'll choose and i chose the fallen chair

it was all too scarily accurate at that time

canoeing makes one physically and mentally strong

but not emotionally

i cried while singing home

yes i know, WTF?!

i cried during the video at the farewell

sigh

i think i too much tears

everytime this one particular song plays,

the pang is existent

it used to be so painful i thought i would be better off dead

but slowly it simmered down

then after that fateful day

[good/bad i'm thankful it happened]

i'm am ready to put you behind

and go ahead with my future my happiness my life

no doubt it's all gonna take time

and i will need it all

but taking the first step

means a lot, not to you, but for me

now when i hear those lyrics,

i just sing along

there is still that pang

but it lessens every time

SO MANY THINGS TO UPDATE!!!

[shall only mention the major happenings, that i can remember]

wednesday;

friend brought me out

to take photographs

to cheer me up

IT WAS AWESOME FUN!

friday;

NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATIONS!

had to much fun with 09S02! (:

helium is addictive and fun!

blowing up the balloons was crazy!

SO MANY BALLOONS!!!

CLASS BARBEQUE!

it was a crazy night with three connections to the other group

bittersweet moment for me

but the food wasn't bad at all *AHEM*

played twister with ms tan(!) and a few others

i felt like i could go represent singapore in YOG gymnastics!

it was great!

saturday;

training is awesome!

did c2 with shawn once again

and then c1

great time to think through and just lose myself in the waters

and just be the true me

SENIOR FAREWELL!

wow, the grossness and fun level is like WTF?!

it was great and i really am touched

THANK YOU JUNIORS FOR THE EFFORT AND ALL!

[although i'm quite sure none of them reads this q:]

we met our seniors at central,

so it was like 3 generations together

awesome much?

GREAT DAY,GREAT NIGHT,GREAT EXPERIENCE

εγώ θα περιμένω?

ακόμα κι αν είναι για τίποτα

i don't know how to react to all this

just numb and tired

really really tired

superwoman needs to rest

maybe for the full long long time

that she needs

if erasing was so easy

CANOEING;

used to be an escape

used to be my life

used to be something i'd give EVERYTHING for

CANOEING;

used to study to train

[my results were so much better then than now]

used to be my motivation to go to school

used to be my drive for everything

CANOEING;

is now still a place to forget all things that bothered me

is now still an escape of all things

but added on to it,

is a reminder of painful and what could have been

get well soon,hazel

get well soon

"work hard, and you will get what you deserve"

i live, breathe, trust this

but believe me, it doesn't apply to all context

i learnt it the hard way,

and i wish that no one ever have to go through it

but then again, we grow from pain and lessons learnt

don't we all?

if i walk would you run

no

if i stop would you come

no

if i say you're the one would you believe me

no,it's not enough

-Try, Asher Book

yesterday and today was a

fucking screaming amplified reminder

never once in my life

had i shivered in westmall coffeebean

never once in my life

had i felt so cold

OTHER THAN THAT VERY BLOODY MONDAY

like you babe,

i wish i could walk outta my life

or at least rip my heart out

but for that fact, WE WILL NOT

we will be better/stronger/tougher

what do say to jumping off the edge

never knowing if there's solid ground below

or a hand to hold or hell to pay

i've had better days

and i've felt much better than now

everything's still raw

sounds, places, people and all

reminds me, still triggers those feelings

it's all being amplified

paths cross and separate

that's just the way of life

let's just make the best of it

in the meantime,

there's nothing i can do

but mend my broken heart