since i last posted, which has been a long time. many things transpired and here i am to tell you all about it mundane or not, it's for you to decide.
so i last blogged about how stressed i felt for the upcoming exams, or rather how pointless it all was/felt and how unmotivated i was. it was a chore to head out day after day to study, i chose to study out even if it drained all my savings because if i studied at home, the studying would never happen. and i did my best to focus on the task at hand, but ended up eating and drinking and people-watched more than i should have. in the end i felt really unprepared for the exams but i still did my best and won't not second guess myself when the results are released.
the feelings i felt for the exams were probably due to the fact that there wasn't sufficient time given to us this semester and we all just felt so swamped by the sheer amount of work loaded onto us in this short amount of time. and that might have lead up to the "you'll-still-do-badly-no-matter-how-hard-you-study" vibe and thus the lack of motivation. but i am my own creator of destiny and fate and so since it's over, whatever man.
after my last paper, i let loose and was finally able to relax and not give a heck about school and books and academics. well, at least for the next 3 weeks or so. the immediate weekends were spent with jeremy and it was fun. not too much happened.
then the first week was burnt with all the ak related stuff. had a camp training/briefing on monday and got ready for the upcoming days of camps before crashing onto bed. tuesday came and i headed out dark and early for a half-day camp. after that we (me and two other coaches) rushed a macdonalds lunch and cabbed over to ecp for the training/briefing for the next camp. the camp was a 3D2N camp that involves such a strenuous programme. we trained and trained to no end. having laughs and serious moments, it was bittersweet. dinner was a little painful for me. because of dietary habits and all that jazz. the nasi/mee goreng was so spicy i couldn't eat 3 mouthfuls without crying. i felt so weak and burdensome.
we all had a hard night sleeping what with all the aeroplanes flying over, and mosquitoes, and ships, and cold. when we woke we got ready to take on the camp and campers and make it awesome. walked more than 1km to get to our bus to find out the bus company got it wrong and sent us the smaller bus meant for <10 coaches. so all 24+ of us squeezed onto the minibus and left for the school
the camp in all was taxing and a true test of my abilities as a coach, and as a person. i've learnt some, gained some, taught some, loss some. in the end, i made an impact in at least one camper and for that i am satisfied.
after that, i met up with my canoeing team, well a few of the team, and we had a great time catching up. it is no doubt motivating and heartwarming to see this bond still kept and surviving. even though we've all moved on in our lives, all pursuing various different routes, enduring and experiencing trials and triumphs, the bond is there. after the gathering, a team mate texted me, saying that he is sad and worried that we will slowly drift apart. this is what i said to him:
we may have drifted apart and went on to chase a different dream, a different goal. we may not ever talk or meet up as much as we used to. but who can say that another person has gone through what we have gone through together? the pain, tears, sweat, and blood we shared and shed were common and thick between all of us. the bond might loosen and fray but it will always be there. if we were ever thrown into a situation with only each of us, we will be able to get through it, because we've done it before, and though time has come between us, we can do it again. just like the skill to swim. you might have not swam for the longest time. but if i were to push you into a body of water, you will still manage to stay afloat. you might not be technically proficient or efficient but that can be trained up and honed again. so fear not.
after the meet up, i went for a movie with jeremy. we watch Act of Valour and i cried like a baby. it is indeed sad to see the sacrifices and pain families of men and women in the force. the mental and emotional struggles they go through as same as the men and women on the frontline is truly a test of faith and honour.
many a times, we take what we have for granted. we take the norm of our routines and imbibe into our psyche that it will and forever be. but let's not forget how we've all come this far, from our first baby steps, our first words and our first failures. those have shaped us and have brought us to where we are today. it is a daily fight to maintain the norm and to maintain the rigour of our lives. yet we tend to see this fight as the way to go. and when faced with new challenges and obstacles we ignore and worsen the problem or we just do what we are used to hoping it will just work and go away.
after this few weeks of my life, before my exams till today, i have found my drive and my pushing power. it is not the yesterdays or tomorrows that matter, but the todays. we may look back at our successes and failures and see where we have come from and how it has shaped us. but dwell we will not. we should focus all our energy on today so we can create a better future for ourselves, a future that we will be proud of, with no regrets.
super long post. read or not, i don't mind. have a nice day! (: