i thought if i didn't think about it;

i'll forget

i thought if i didn't talk about it;

it'll pass

but everytime someone asks me about it

or when i see photos

i remember

and i feel really sad and pathetic

i really meant to win something for the team

for the k4 girls

for everyone that told me i could do it

but in the end i capped

and i let them down

i know to some,

it is a small matter

it ain't really of a high standard

but to me,

failing and letting my team down sucks

i don't know how i'll let this pass

cause it seems impossible

damn hazel,

stop dwelling, stop fucking crying

"you are aggressive;

but in the water,you are so vulnerable"

like what i learnt from tuesdays with morrie,

no matter what happens,

the world doesn't stop

so just because i'm still upset and shitty

life moves along

and the world continues spinning

the second and last day is over

today is the day that we cried the most

although we didn't get what we want

and we have our share of disappointment

we gained an experience that is beyond

i'm so sorry i couldn't win anything for you guys

i really tried my best

thank you for the support,the pats on the back

the hugging and the shoulders

and the "focus"s

love you all <3

day one is down

and it was indeed a whole new mind game

the guys were awesome,

helping us with the boats and whatnots

and the girls all did an awesome job

tomorrow is a whole new day

jiayou!

first blood!

now let's see what they're gonna do about it!

[shuts eyes and squeezes hands together,

chants under my breath,"close school,close school"]

what makes you think you can just walk in when you like

and strut off when you feel like it

it's about earning your rights

it's about being respected

if we could make a choice

i am confident that majority will vote against you

no matter how the others may think

i am strong on my stand

i wish you would just back off

cause you ain't gonna earn my respect

as much as i want a happy ending

i'd rather not give you what you think is the return ticket

cause some things,

when lost,

you can't take back

since you've broken the seal

it's hard to put the pieces back

as the days draw nearer

the nervousness is creeping up my spine

rowing in singles event is unthinkable

i'm scared,i truly am.

friday wasn't the best of days

but i lived through it

with the support of my teammates!

thanks guys&girls!

you have no idea how touched i was (:

"what doesn't kill me will make me stronger"

i'm like, really?

show me,cause i don't see it

life's a bitch

i'm so screwed

so much work due tomorrow

but hardly done or completed

hazel, you are so screwed!

saturday wasn't all that great for me

i'll always remember what you said

"hazel,don't get frustrated with yourself"

if only it were that easy

i feel like this just isn't what i'm supposed to do

i'll never be good enough

been two baby's first month

two words: BABIES GALORE!

today started out fine

chinese lecture was ohkay

and i watched a short snippet of flight of the fireflies

and also going home (watched three times and i still cry)

then the second lecture,

the external lecturer is so funny!

sitting with the team was fun!

the random guy who waved goodbye to us was so cute

but then training was so utterly disappointing

i have no words to describe it

i know i friggin' pissed them off (if i'm even worth it)

cause i was so stubborn

but i'm really trying to twist!

i swear

although the K4 experience was beyond

i'm still upset

note: the alternate spelling of screw-up is

HAZEL LONG

it wasn't as bad as i expected

but i know i didn't do very well

i'm just relieved Alevel oral is over

honestly,

school is anything but fun

they are just trying to keep us in school

when it's like serious H1N1 time

let us stay home!

cause the holidays were anything but a holiday

we were all busy mugging for the midyears,

(ohkay and training,but!)

stop trying to fill up our time with miserable plans

because it makes us miserable

and then force us to sit in specific allocated areas in the canteen

like,WHAT?!

so we can "contain" the bloody virus

it's time for a lock down and closure of schools man

really!

today was tough

but not hell yet

for every sprint i wanna cry

because i know i'm not giving my best

because it feels like we were starting from square one

because i let thought of giving up take over me

i need to push so much harder