sigh.it's getting so funny and pathetic.i need taller friends cause i'm always tired and i need a shoulder.haha.anyway,my gals got guys and it's so funny to go out with them now.sigh.it's so obvious,i'm the odd one out.dang,the fact that i am so extra and out of place like a sore thumb sucks hell can?

anyway,yasser rocks!haha.he is such a great friend.haha.thank you babe!haha.i had fun bullying you today.thanks.

spending money like water.need to save money!haha.

i'm just upset like since forever.i wanna smile like last time.like in the past when i don't worry shit.i need my life back!

blow me away.i'm blue.

"why can't you just hurry up and be good.i'm really getting impatient."now i know how pathetic i am.it's really eating into me.i hate this darn feeling.i blame it on the school for eating up my precious time.or should i blame myself?this sucks,worse than leeches and i feel so down.

blow me away,blue

i really don't mean to bitch on my blog like my childish self used to.but the bloody two-faced bitch is really boiling my blood.what's with being timid?if you're so scared that you'll crap in your pants don't even bother to step on my tail alright?you are such a bitch la.i don't care if you're my friend's friend,i won't let that affect me in making you suffer.so watch out.(susu,sorry.)

i'm now like fucking pissed lor.kiss my ass you filthy whore!

gotta crash

i guess i'm inconsolable.nothing is going my way at all.not one.sigh,i wanna go to sleep and wake up knowing all this crap that life is throwing me is all a nightmare.i'm tired and wanna take a break not?

i wanna give up,i really wanna!but i can't.my mind is driving me nuts.not allowing me to take a break and forget about it.i can't take it no more.

gotta crash!

i'm lovin' inconsolable by backstreet boys.haha.nice nice.. (:

i don't know what i wanna undate on leh..like my life is so boring. q: life is just a sad ball rolling on and on to nothingness.haha.i wanna be unfeeling and want nothing so i won't be so disappointed when i don't get it.sigh.

yeah,i do want him.but i'll be unfeeling for now.not wanting him would be better not?he's unreachable and i'm being haunted by bad experiences that i don't wanna be reminded of.bleah,i need to find my life back. (:

show me the camps and fun,i think i'll find myself again... (:

haha.i've been crashing with my crew the whole week la.haha.been crapping at my home for three times so far.haha.made loads of videos of our spastic selves.got two "educational" videos made by yours truly.haha.exams are in full progression and i know i won't do well.but it'll be better than myes i guess.haha.been mugging and trying my best la.haha.anyway,i wanna go to lalaland.haha.i don't know where it is but i'll find it.haha.life's a bore though.haha.

there's this one person that keeps popping in and out of my mind.i know i'll forget that one person soon.cause life goings on.i'm unfeeling not?

life's a bore,

entertain me

(:

ohkay,so after sooo long,i'm here to do my updates!haha.there's like so much i wanna say,but oh wells,i'll filter some of the crap out.haha.

when life gives you lemons,make lemon juice.some people get strawberries and they get to make strawberry smoothies.some people get lemons and they make lemon juice.but some people get nothing,and they dun get to make anything at all.haha.how pathetic is that?it seems like i belong in the last category huh?man,life sucks.haha.

now my life is just full of stuff.mondays with tuition,tuesdays with class,wednesdays&thursdays with rehearsals,saturdays with piano,sundays with rehearsals.haha.fridays' the only day i'm free apart from school.and walking home today see,ed really weird cause i haven't done it in like so long.it was great to walk home and read my book.haha.

sometimes i question my very presence on this earth and apparently,i can't find my meaning of life.i've yet to find what i long to find.and i always seem to not be good enough.i can do things well.but i'm neither bad nor excelling in it.and this really makes it hard for me to find passion in anything i do.i've long forsaken my athletical goal.but i'm still not doing well for ballet.i still feel insecure and unable to live up to my teacher's expectations.i feel i'm not as good as the others and i feel plain awkward.

damn,life sucks.for now,i hope. (:

you are nothing but scum.

plaguing my entire body.

leave me alone,i owe you nothing.

you hit me with your ice-cold hand,

the ring of the crack of whip rings hard in my ears.

i hate you so much,

you're a pest in my life.

i'll pay you back your measely money

so leave me alone you fucking bastard.

i rather not knowing you,

i don't crave for you like them

you're not related to me

you suck you low-life

my head is throbbing

it's enclosing me alive

the mark with scar me life long

so don't think i'll forget.

haha.today went out to meet friend but he was late and it was raining.haha...then went over to meet the others.but they were even later.haha...made us both wait like crazy..haha.but they paid for the tix.so it wasn't so bad.anyway i cope alot of susus's sweets so it's even.haha.had fun at the museum.but one of the sections had this god thingy.that lights up at time intervals and has this eerie gong sound.haha.freaked me out.but susu and brenda and mel gutsy enough to even sit in that room.haha..after that,we went to long johns while the other rich kids went to cafe cartel and waste food.haha.then they went home and we went for the movie.

HAIRSPRAY is freaking nice.a MUST-WATCH!!!haha.

nights..

ohkay,things aren't any better nor any worse.zul's getting cold and hot at times.really dunno what the fuck he's thinking.but i ain't goona let go just yet.i wanna really hear his side of the story.at least,i'll be the one who dumps him.haha.zann has stopped calling me "mimi",both of us(susu&me)think that she's inlove with him too,since she claimed so recently in front of...i forget,just one of the gals.haha.and i hear news of him and zann way too many times.my sources are reliable and i have no reason to doubt them.cause firstly,they are trustworthy,and they have no reason to lie.also,zann and him are just way too coincidental.but i find myself thinking of him most of the time.and he's acting hot and cold at times in school when we meet.however,there's a guy that i've been talking to this guy recently.kinda talk loads.the gals claim that i like him cause there are signs.but i ain't taking any of that.whatever it is,i believe its just platonic.and even if anything happens,i ain't gonna go anywhere further till i settle stuff with zul.

also,i was just freaking pissed and put off by the bad bad leadership skills of my president.he seriously sucks hell.he really cannot multi-task and he got a scolding from me.then the next day i let him known to the problems and what i thought.he just had the "orh" reply that seriously pisses me and the other vice.ain't he capable of anything other than "orh".i realised that no matter how hard i try,i just can't seem to work with him.and i really can't exist with him in the way.i believe that i'm feeling this way is most probably that i have been more on the successful side in my past leadership.and that's why i'm not used to this.i'm not jealous or upset that i'm not the president,actually happy that i'm not.but he really can't do the job.there are others who are way much capable to carry his position in the exco and i feel that the teachers had chosen him for the wrong reasons.he can be an asset to the team just not the leader.a leader have to possess more than only being able to take anything that comes in or against his stride.one must be able to lead others and commit to the pressure and the rest of the team.but unfortunately,we're stuck with him.

i'm thinking of dropping my post after the teachers' day celebrations and had planned to talk to one of the teachers.but i haven't found time.however,my friends all feel that its a waste to drop my post because of him.but i really dun want to be in the same team.i just can't work with him.also,others might feel that i am inappropriate as i can't even resolve the friction between us.really,i rather the negative remarks than stay and ruin my day for the rest of our service.also,i rather commit to something that i enjoy then to do things that will not benefit me in the future.also,i had not wanted this in the first place,therefore since teachers are not satisfied with my performance and i dun really want to commit to improve myself,i shan't waste their time as well as mine.also,the responsibility that encases itself in my post is something too much that i can handle and therefore,i do not feel that i deserve this post.also,i do thing with enthusiasm when i have passion in the task.as for the post,it has evolved from a passionate service to a dreaded chore.he sucks,it sucks.

ohkay,he called me like at around 9.30 pm from home.and i was damn shocked.i kinda wanna talk but also wanted to end it quick.we've been acting like complete strangers cause he is not acknowledging me.he called to ask for harris' number.

our coversation:

him: do you have harris' number?

me: yeah.i'll send you the business card kae? (small pause) bye.

him: wait... i'm not using that number now.so you have to tell me now.

me: erm,kae...

kae.if he aint using the number and he didn't tell me.well,thats so cool.i was upset la.maybe i came on too strong in the start.and maybe he really is a playboy.but whatever it is,he should just put me out of my misery.and i've learnt to be strong.whats meant to be will be la.so be strong hazel!

end.takkaire and sweet life.

ohkay,i was reading my old post (20th june) and realised i haven't talked about him like i promised.haha.so here goes...he's name is ryan and i j\used to like his lilbro and that's when i knew him.but his lilbro was just primary shit.anyway,so i liked him and we talked alot.but he doesn't know at first.then it got quite obvious and shit.during camp we talked for damn long and yeah...but it didn't work out.so i was emo for some time...

but then someone else came into the picture.he's malay and two years apart.it was fun hanging out la.but now he's mugging like shit so we aint talking much.but sometimes,i dunno if i'm doing the right things.you see,he used to be a matt and he's bad.but he's changed like hell (and fyi: he's model student in school kae?).but my friends (for my sake) told me things they saw with their own eyes.i mean i have no reason not to disbelieve them.they tell me, "once a playboy,alwyas a playboy".i dunno la.thats all for today.

heyhey.very long never update le.haha.been damn busy and tired.keep falling asleep.haha.anyway,today went to come lab during physics.thats why i went to my blog.the two girls with me so curious about my blog sia.so yeah,came to update when i saw the last post's date.haha.i'm effing broke sia.so have to start saving money.haha.so,i'll update when i have something to say.haha. (:

ohkay,finally i find time to blog.but i'm just too mixed to say much.i feel like so lost la.i dunno why i'm feeling liddat.(fuck shit,another emo post)but i can;t help it.and i'm upset.but i hope to find the answer soon.

haha..ohkay,so today was the exco outing.but we needed to go to school for some stuff.was late but still walked there with yas..haha.then they helped the aunties put up the curtains for the councillors' room.haha,pictures later.slacked till ms chua came.then went to do the class diary.easypeasy.but had a more vast job scope waiting for us to settle.sigh.then supposed to have a "meeting" with ms chua.but in the end she cannot..then we sneak off to sentosa lor..but during the journey,we very distracted.so finally made it there.then the started to drag and carry people into the sea.haha.i also kenna.by yas la.nehneh.haha.then played captain's ball in the water.damn fun but very tiring.then went to play volleyball,sucked hell.then soccer.then another round of water dragging.haha.then went to bathe.haha.then went to vivo to have linner (lunch+dinner).then walked a bit then come home.haha.wah lao,they all keep saying me and yas couple.haha.no way la.haha.

and now,the pictures.haha.

hardworking guys.

hardworking.

sadly,group photo not with me.shall upload next time. (: takkaire,