ohkay,things aren't any better nor any worse.zul's getting cold and hot at times.really dunno what the fuck he's thinking.but i ain't goona let go just yet.i wanna really hear his side of the story.at least,i'll be the one who dumps him.haha.zann has stopped calling me "mimi",both of us(susu&me)think that she's inlove with him too,since she claimed so recently in front of...i forget,just one of the gals.haha.and i hear news of him and zann way too many times.my sources are reliable and i have no reason to doubt them.cause firstly,they are trustworthy,and they have no reason to lie.also,zann and him are just way too coincidental.but i find myself thinking of him most of the time.and he's acting hot and cold at times in school when we meet.however,there's a guy that i've been talking to this guy recently.kinda talk loads.the gals claim that i like him cause there are signs.but i ain't taking any of that.whatever it is,i believe its just platonic.and even if anything happens,i ain't gonna go anywhere further till i settle stuff with zul.

also,i was just freaking pissed and put off by the bad bad leadership skills of my president.he seriously sucks hell.he really cannot multi-task and he got a scolding from me.then the next day i let him known to the problems and what i thought.he just had the "orh" reply that seriously pisses me and the other vice.ain't he capable of anything other than "orh".i realised that no matter how hard i try,i just can't seem to work with him.and i really can't exist with him in the way.i believe that i'm feeling this way is most probably that i have been more on the successful side in my past leadership.and that's why i'm not used to this.i'm not jealous or upset that i'm not the president,actually happy that i'm not.but he really can't do the job.there are others who are way much capable to carry his position in the exco and i feel that the teachers had chosen him for the wrong reasons.he can be an asset to the team just not the leader.a leader have to possess more than only being able to take anything that comes in or against his stride.one must be able to lead others and commit to the pressure and the rest of the team.but unfortunately,we're stuck with him.

i'm thinking of dropping my post after the teachers' day celebrations and had planned to talk to one of the teachers.but i haven't found time.however,my friends all feel that its a waste to drop my post because of him.but i really dun want to be in the same team.i just can't work with him.also,others might feel that i am inappropriate as i can't even resolve the friction between us.really,i rather the negative remarks than stay and ruin my day for the rest of our service.also,i rather commit to something that i enjoy then to do things that will not benefit me in the future.also,i had not wanted this in the first place,therefore since teachers are not satisfied with my performance and i dun really want to commit to improve myself,i shan't waste their time as well as mine.also,the responsibility that encases itself in my post is something too much that i can handle and therefore,i do not feel that i deserve this post.also,i do thing with enthusiasm when i have passion in the task.as for the post,it has evolved from a passionate service to a dreaded chore.he sucks,it sucks.

ohkay,he called me like at around 9.30 pm from home.and i was damn shocked.i kinda wanna talk but also wanted to end it quick.we've been acting like complete strangers cause he is not acknowledging me.he called to ask for harris' number.

our coversation:

him: do you have harris' number?

me: yeah.i'll send you the business card kae? (small pause) bye.

him: wait... i'm not using that number now.so you have to tell me now.

me: erm,kae...

kae.if he aint using the number and he didn't tell me.well,thats so cool.i was upset la.maybe i came on too strong in the start.and maybe he really is a playboy.but whatever it is,he should just put me out of my misery.and i've learnt to be strong.whats meant to be will be la.so be strong hazel!

end.takkaire and sweet life.

ohkay,i was reading my old post (20th june) and realised i haven't talked about him like i promised.haha.so here goes...he's name is ryan and i j\used to like his lilbro and that's when i knew him.but his lilbro was just primary shit.anyway,so i liked him and we talked alot.but he doesn't know at first.then it got quite obvious and shit.during camp we talked for damn long and yeah...but it didn't work out.so i was emo for some time...

but then someone else came into the picture.he's malay and two years apart.it was fun hanging out la.but now he's mugging like shit so we aint talking much.but sometimes,i dunno if i'm doing the right things.you see,he used to be a matt and he's bad.but he's changed like hell (and fyi: he's model student in school kae?).but my friends (for my sake) told me things they saw with their own eyes.i mean i have no reason not to disbelieve them.they tell me, "once a playboy,alwyas a playboy".i dunno la.thats all for today.

heyhey.very long never update le.haha.been damn busy and tired.keep falling asleep.haha.anyway,today went to come lab during physics.thats why i went to my blog.the two girls with me so curious about my blog sia.so yeah,came to update when i saw the last post's date.haha.i'm effing broke sia.so have to start saving money.haha.so,i'll update when i have something to say.haha. (:

ohkay,finally i find time to blog.but i'm just too mixed to say much.i feel like so lost la.i dunno why i'm feeling liddat.(fuck shit,another emo post)but i can;t help it.and i'm upset.but i hope to find the answer soon.

haha..ohkay,so today was the exco outing.but we needed to go to school for some stuff.was late but still walked there with yas..haha.then they helped the aunties put up the curtains for the councillors' room.haha,pictures later.slacked till ms chua came.then went to do the class diary.easypeasy.but had a more vast job scope waiting for us to settle.sigh.then supposed to have a "meeting" with ms chua.but in the end she cannot..then we sneak off to sentosa lor..but during the journey,we very distracted.so finally made it there.then the started to drag and carry people into the sea.haha.i also kenna.by yas la.nehneh.haha.then played captain's ball in the water.damn fun but very tiring.then went to play volleyball,sucked hell.then soccer.then another round of water dragging.haha.then went to bathe.haha.then went to vivo to have linner (lunch+dinner).then walked a bit then come home.haha.wah lao,they all keep saying me and yas couple.haha.no way la.haha.

and now,the pictures.haha.

hardworking guys.

hardworking.

sadly,group photo not with me.shall upload next time. (: takkaire,

sigh.today started out as a very very bad day.i woke up late when i was supposed to wake up early to do some work before heading out.so i had to rush everything and in the end was late for the judging.but one of the guys from the judging department looked damn good and he's funny too!haha.then i went to meet yingjie.before boarding the train,i bought the mac's honeydew milkshake.not bad,just too sweet.so when i changed the train,i bumped into a lady and i was "oh shit!" and i had to pick it up.and then i went into the other train.the train started and i shuffled backwards.i screamed "fuck" damn loud and knocked into a group of guys behind.my head hit some guy's head la.fucking embarrassing.then i said sorry and didn't dare look at them la.but the day changed when we started shopping.haha i bought a pair of three quater whitewash jeans.haha.takkaire (:

hey all!i was so overwhelmed by all th tags.wonder how some got here.haha.anyway,i'll take some time before moving my lazy ass to change and add links so do bear with me.anyway,it's been long since i blogged so i'm gonna write out my whole hols.haha.bear with the long post.

28th may.

my grade4 piano exams.internal.the examiner was a tall lady that looked like she wanted to eat me.and it freaked me out.stumbled over everything and well,rushed out as soon as i could.(fyi,i passed on the dot (: )

29th may.

first day of hua chong SLC.got lost in their high school section which looked like a holiday resort.found the place and got settled.in group MINERVA!with 2 huachong guys,menghang and alwyn.only malay gal,azeerah.only indian guy,sankarsh.only other singapore chinese gal,jingting.one hongkong foreign participate,karman.one indian foreign participant,abu.our dearest fac,CJ!haha.had orchard orientation where my super useful good sense of direction and orchard wits came to good use.haha.didn't win but had a fun time.went back for the water bombing war.haha.was physically tired out.

30th may.

second day of SLC and it wasn't as fun.was all thinking.had to come up with an effective group action paper.then attended my first FORMAL consortium meeting.it was so formal,i nearly slept.haha.

31st may.

boring day.full of boring meetings.

2nd june.

last day.had performance.ecne sucked as a group.but their teamspirit was commendable.but they screwed the whole consortium performance.all in all a teary day.then met up with jinxuan jie.kept her waiting.really sorry.

4th june.

the start of my obs trip.haha.damn high.got there like in the afternoon?then had the admin. stuff.then had the general stuff.and finally,we set off.reached the campsite and food never tasted so good.haha.thinking of him.

5th june.

woke up and it my family's turn to lead.got the the base camp where we did high elements and started our boating trip to either campsite a or b.we were good and fast enough for b.haha,camped.thinking of him.

6th june.

found our trash all over the place cause some family didn't do sentry and the dogs got to it.continued our sea ex around the entire island.rowed like most of the journey,sometimes navigating and humouring the tired souls.haha.slept the last part of the journey in the slack boat and got BURNT(yay me!)!got to bathe.haha.thinking of him.

7th june.

land ex.tiring but damn fun...felt so accomplished when we reached the end and saw the breathe-taking sight of the quarry.damn beautiful.thinking of him.

8th june.

left pulau ubin.went to yppae to slack.then he walked me home.

10th june.

log shopping for tong xin camp.haha,fun shit.

11th june.

log shopping.and the rushing out of the shirts.damn nice la,our comm. tee.haha.ORANGE JUICE!!!

12th june.

first day of tong xin camp.haha.was late cause only had 15mins of sleep rushing out the stuff need for camp.at night,talked to him till like 3?

13th june.

second day.also had the pot luck.damn nice food man!thanks to all the uncles and aunties!haha.and our performance.i screwed up but was ohkay.haha.talked to him till like 1plus.damn sad.

14th june.

left the sembawang camp.cabbed home.rushed lunch and met him.he brought me to this damn cool place then went to buy his cds and went home.haha.

15th june.

totally quiet day.no interaction.talked to him.ended up crying cause the truth is he didn't wanna continue.doesn't feel as much as i feel for him.

16th june.

elbro and cousin's birthday.watched shrek.ate at crystal jade for dinner.celebrate fathers' day and birthday lor.went to the body shop.came back with loads of stuff.

17th june.

went the yppae to pack.turned into "spring cleaning" of M24.haha

18th june.

partII of "spring cleaning"

19th june.

went to town on my own.dun feel inferior now.i think i've found confidence. then to ballet(yay me!)!

20th june.

going to the science centre to judge on the competition.then going out with yingjie.

21st june.

going to school to prepare for the department meeting the next day.and for ms chua to see us.then continuing with the sentosa outing.

22nd june.

outing with my mum.

the other days are serious homework days.rushing to complete my homework.

you see me talking about him.but i'm not ready to talk about him.so do bear with me.

you guys,just takkaire and god bless you. (:

haiz.today's vesak day and also the day my uncle's tablet is arriving at his home.so now all the poeple are gathered here to do the ceremony and stuff.well anyway,let me update you on the huachong SLC that has taken place on tuesday,wednesday and two more days to come,friday and saturday.

tuesday,which is the first day was sort of the orientation.we went to orchard and had the orchard orientation.it was fun and i was namely the walking street directory.haha.i was good.[grins]then we went back for mass games,throwing water bombs at people.haha.it was great.we were physically tired out.

wednesday,the second day was a more formal day.we had to write out an action paper on two major problems.we spent 5hours plus thinking and writing,then we had a formal consortium meeting.it was my first time in a real fromal consortium meeting.and it was really fun in a way.we were all mentally worn out.haha.only two more days and SLC will be over,time really flies.haha.

well,seeya!haha (= takkaire.

haiz.it just totally sucks,being in the council.he's not stable enough and doesn't carry authority.tsktsk.i worry for our 21st council.i know i should be giving my greatest support.but sometimes,i feel that he dosen't deserve to be the head casue he can't step up to the challenge.and sometimes,things aren't always what they seem.and i've learnt to not trust people.cause looks can be deceiving.and it takes alot to know what dirty secrets lie ahead.

i'm beat on friday.having to worry and get effing pissed with a number of people,i really didn't know what to do.and i was really touched when my friends just got me to sit and stone there while they left me to myself.really,it helped me.when things started having it momentum,i got the hang of things too.and the meet was more or less alright?

i believe i can do better and i want to do better.i want to prove to them that i really dun need them and that i can jolly well survive on my own.and by right,i'm not a lone stranger,people dun like them as well.and thats becasue of what they did and not what i said to them,(i'm not that influencial and they can disbelieve me).

this two weeks have been really really hectic.whats with the investiture coming up(its over)and the preparations for the inverstiture and meet.darn the school for giving so much time(not).steeping up to the mike,i didn't know i had a habit of softening my voice.and with the eyes on me,i read monotone-ly.but i will work harder.i want(hope)to be an exco teachers will remember.

and now i feel kinda bad when i "take over" the president.cause is the president and i will feel bad.but now,i will do my best,even if it means that i'll "overtake".cause the kids need order and firmness.and if he can't take charge and give that,i have to take over.otherwise,our council will collapse like what the student body and councillors think.they foresee us fail.but i will do my best anf give my all to ensure that it doesn't fail.and it will have to start from me.i have to do best of what i know.

ok.so i haven't been doing regular posts this past week or so?well that's cause i've recently received my post as vice president for the 21st student council.darn the post man,because of the investiture and other stuffs,i've missed FIVE ballet lessons.WHAT THE FUCK!damn the school.it just sucks.i hope i haven't demoted myself into my teacher's black book.

haiz.

ok.so today went for yppae.then instead of the magical holiday camp meeting,was the friendship camp.then i became the vice-chairman.haha.stressed sia.haha.today finally sent out the consent forms.hope the response will be good.only left 4sundays to the camp and time is really running short.haha.oh and for the choir,i'm in soprano.haha.so happy.cause its the melody.easiest to sing.hehe..drama for today wasn't quite fun but hope it will get better.haha.as for the poem recitation,i'm the group leader.and the poem for my group is about FRUITS.so...interesting.haha.dunno what to expect.and we're supposed to sing it?dunno how to do so.haha.

well takkaire. (:

after i retired to my room to cry in peace,tears didn't flow out.nothing came out.i just felt really really tired.as if,i could fall asleep even while standing.

i'm just really tired of this kinda rubbish you people throw at me.you'd think i'll kill to have fakers and actors in my life.and then treat them like what you call friends?save it.i'm not interested.

but now that i'm awake and reading my stuff again,i feel nothing.i'm just numbed towards this kinda crap.save your act in front of other people.you are the ones "pretending" your ass off.

like my url tells you,my life ain't your life.
you say i have no rights so talk about such stuff?well,you're in no position to reprimand me about it anyway.and anyway,you are no better yourself.well well well,i can probably guess who the fuck you are.but you ain't gonna be here to access my blog anyway.but since you're such a superbeing where you can actually assess my situation and conclude that i'm a bitch.well,i can also conclude that you're no better.and i dun look in the mirror.my bad.i just use my time to make sure people like you have a time of their lives and have the material to look at.consider the deed done.

you people have no rights to step into my life and say anything.cause first of all,you all are in no position to talk.secondly,i'm not hypocritical like you both are.thirdly,i have real friends.not like you guys who have FAKE friends.and thankfully,you showed me your true colours.then i no longer ahve to waste my precious time on you guys.and really,i rather i be a loner in school then mix around with you guys.haha.

i can believe that my temper is really better then you guys.and really,your temper is much worse then mine.at least i know my real friends can understand me.not like you guys,little bit also can't take it.haha.take a hike. (:

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

who do you think you are?why do i always have to "pretend" around you?somehow,you always demand us to please you and shun and step aside when you come by?you think you're so effing big and stuff?well no you aren't.why can you feel the way you feel and say the things you want and others can't?you have no rights to do so and behave like that?you're like a bitch.you're just a toy that people pick up and play with.then discard you when they had enough fun.that's how miserable you are.

and "yes,i am pissed.and i have the right to be.although i had a part to play but you were the trigger.and because of you,i end up crying every night.you caused me to have endless screaming catastrophes with my parents.and you're getting pissed cause i'm blaming you?reflect your fucking fake life girl.just blame myself for seeing the wrong people.and that i'm too rash when making decisions..

everytime. ):