too tired to do anything

too tired to bother

in fact;

i'm too tired to realise

how far you are from me

till now

countdown?

i don't need to countdown

it's staring me in the face

are you gonna finish strong?

always writing here

cause i know hardly anyone reads

fuck fuck fuck

my favourite line:

fuck, screw this

i think i will just post

whenever i feel like it

more words

cause pretty pictures are hard to find

i must like it

and the message it is trying to convey

oh yeah, i wanna take up photographer

cut the overrated-ness

and get those pretty pictures i have build up in my head

(:

i wanna walk at night

when the city sleeps

and when the only lights are the street lamps

so when i smile

no one sees

and when i cry

no one knows

now it's just me against the world

how awesome is that

something triggered all the negativity to rush out

and i guess i was a complete train wreck

regarding the math paper,

well, it'll all be known soon

as for the rest

i can assure i won't be myself anytime soon

but i'm getting better

for now, i just wanna nurse my wounds

and pray that my life don't continue spiraling outta control

for those who i disappointed,

all i can say is extremely sorry

crying like a kid

will my parents comfort me?

it's not like i don't see them

i do, but we rarely talk

like heart-to-heart talks

i guess it's a two-way thing

i admit i push them away

but they don't really try to talk to me either

haa, so it's all our fault?

my two thighs are dotted with bruises

it honestly looks like i've been beaten

but i don't think my parents noticed

and i'm waiting to see how long my mom

notices my new piercing

so far,she claims she noticed my piercing very soon after i got it

but half the time, i exposed them that's why she noticed

not like she really went to go notice it

if you get what i mean

i am 99% confident that i'm not an angsty teen

but i really find moments where i just can't wait to escape

from my home and this pathetic life

my dream of an escape is the beach

so far, it has proved to me that it is a magical place

i always feel that it's able to soothe me

rain or shine, i'd wanna go down

at times, when i'm down

and the beach is wet and cold

after a rain or during a drizzle

i feel as though i'm not alone

and i can be myself

the true me

baring my emotions and be sad without having to be judge

i've always wanted to prove myself to someone

be it my brother, my mother, my daddy, other people

it has be so draining i lose myself

what am i doing

ain't my life supposed to be about me?

i feel like i can never satisfy people

i am never good enough

the chinese have a saying

there is always another mountain that is taller

meaning, there is always someone better

but i am never the better one,

nor am i the one to be compared

i know there are people out there thinking

what the fuck is she talking about

she is better than me and she thinks she's trash

so what am i?

don't lie, i know what you're thinking

well, all i gotta say

you go through your shit

and i go through mine

people have a tendency to compare their misery with others

some will feel that others are worst off

some will feel they themselves are forever worst off

i don't know how to help you

cause i myself am going through my own breakdown

i feel exactly like the girl in the photo

i'm screwing up my life

i don't even know what i'm doing with my life

i honestly wanna quit school

you know, when my parents ask me if i like studying

i don't even ponder about the question like i always so

i just say what is right on my mind

and i answered no

all my pathetic 17 years alive

i've never succeeded in anything

i don't do too badly in things

but not good enough to excel and be extremely at it

be it studies/dance/piano/drama/sports

and now, i'm finally a little better at something

i'm clinging on to it like it's my life

but i know i am nowhere good enough

and i feel so many obstacles in front of me

i just can't seem to command enough courage/strength to get pass it

i feel like i'm at my wits' end

i don't know what i wanna do with my life

i seriously don't know

if i don't study

where am i gonna get money

in this world, it's no money no talk

and without money where is my life gonna be

how do i support my parents

how do i even support myself

don't talk to me about being like one of those success stories

i am not rich, with parent's backing

nor am i set on what i believe can be a success

neither am i a genius

so where do mere mortals like me stand

are we not forced to conform into studying/working robots

just so we can secure a stable livelihood

it's 4am in the morning

and i have a math re-exam in 4 1/2 hours

i have not studied for it

and i have cleaned my head of anything math related

i'm just going cause i have to

otherwise i might just be stopped from doing what i wanna

if only i could say fuck,screw this

but alas, i can't

i am a nobody

i don't even know what i've ended up like this

when i was young,

i had so many dreams and goals

but gradually as i grew up

i lost sight of these dreams

because reality can be so cruel

and it showed me how limited i am

how impossible these dreams are

i guess they are called dreams for a reason

no one can capture dreams

because they are intangible

they are not really existent

it's just made up in our heads when we are unconscious

work undone

mind unset

it's practically a scream revelation

that i'm FUCKING SCREWING UP MY LIFE

haa, and here i am rambling

about how sucky my life is

no one reads this crap

much less my random rambling

gawd! i'm pathetic

it's so hard to type when you can't see proper

i thought chocolates are supposed to make you happy

crying alone sucks

ignore me

oxymoron |ˌäksəˈmôrˌän|nouna figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction

you are an oxymoron

today sucked

i swear

so near; yet so far

you don't look;

you see

no parties for me

dislike the scene

need to get me head in the game

when i grow up

i wanna have cute adorable babies!

that is, if i find a man

just when i thought i saw the light

i got sucked back into the thick dark treacherous forest

this year, i hope to find the light

once again

for now, let the sun be my warmth

and the wind my gentle touch

if i could,

i'll make my bedroom my ultimate fortress

protected from all hurt and pain

played

fluxx

taboo

the game of life

"...get a life"

you all should play it sometime!

looking at the majestic beauties

mother nature has for us

and we all seem so small

against the wonders of the world

alpine glaciers

desert

a new year

and it rained

had fun at xixi's place with all the seniors

(:

i'm bored at home