from a short story i read;

a clay pot maker made a bundle of pots and set out to sell in the village.

on his way to the village,a few pots slipped and fell onto the hard ground.

the pots were smashed into many pieces.

however,the pot maker did not flustered or stop to look at his pots,

he merely walked on.

a passer-by then called out,"aren't you going to take a look at your broken pots?"

the pot maker replied,"why should i?they're already broken.what help will a look do for my broken pots?"

you see,many people will fluster and turn back to their setbacks.however,these actions are a mere waste of time and attention.

a meaningful lesson that allowed me to really stop and think how much time i've actually wasted.

as i say,been there,done that,move on. (:

now that it's out in the open,does it mean i can be sad in the open?

i have always made it a point to keep my emotions to myself,

or at least,i don't express it in the public eye.

all i show the world is how pissed/frustrated/shitty i feel.

just never the weaker part of me.

cause i hate the feeling of weakness,

the digusting chrome-metallic taste that never seem to disappear.

it's a feeling that leaves me feeling lousy and useless.

i never want to feel like this again.

but life has it's ups and downs,

so it's bound to come back,

but with each down,i'll rise up higher.

i'll swear to that. (:

if i hadn't stepped into this huge mess

then all this shit won't be happening will it?

if it wasn't so complicated,

it won't be like that.

fuck,i'm screwed.

twists and turns...

that what my world looks like.

the world is screwed,

it's basically a domino effect,

it's as screwed as my life.

I HATE YOU!

don't promise me no more

cause i can't trust you

you broke your promise once

and it's scarred me for life

so just shut it!

you know so,

you know it too well,

but you opened your mouth and promised.

we all know,we all knew

it's so obvious,

we're drifting away.

and you know very well why.

it could be the result of many shitloads of crap being thrown at me,

it could be the result of the lessons learnt,

but i found myself to heal real fast or just not allowing things or certain events get to me.

i mean,been there,done that,get over it right?

but well,it seems like it works for really very little people.

and i've learnt not to hope for too much?

i used to say i won't hope for anything..but that's tough.

i allow myself some limit,and well,it works better than restraining myself.

well,i'm beginning to really feel in control of my life again.but in a better way.

i hope this feeling is the result of me maturing.

i hope i have matured out of the old me and to a better me.

cause there are times when i irk myself out.

so kudos to my willingness to improve!

ganbatte hazel!

Hazel, your best quality shines through in how Determined you are
The fact that you're a person with a strong will who is typically determined to follow through on difficult demands and meet important goals really draws people to you! But that's not the only thing. Your answers on the test indicate you're a calm, relaxed person who tends to take life in stride. You are a funny person who is likely known for your great sense of humor, too.

www.web.tickle.com : What's Your Best Quality

haha,we'll see if it's really true.haha.wel,i'm stuck on hyperframe.i'm left with ten more levels.but now my brain ain't working to help me get past the levels.haha.

you know,sometimes it takes certain hurtful experiences or events to actually bring out the true colours of some people.i mean,are those the layers they wanna conceal and hide because they don't like it or are those the layers that that hide till it's time to unleash?some layers are a fresh change or a new layer,showing that the person has grown.while most layers are just really ugly colours sloshed together.personally,i am disgusted by two particular ones.but life's like that. (:

oh yeah,this june holiday is ROCKING!

let's see why...

next week is intensive mother tongue.

everyday we do one paper2 and tueday and thursday we do a paper1.

for tuesday,thursday and friday,we have EIGHT hours of pure torture.

wednesday we have SEVEN hours of pure torture!

then the week after we have structured programme which is just a programme where we are dragged to school for MORE lessons!

then i'll be helping out with the magical holiday camp and sembawang camp by yppae!

and i'll be saving my money,meaning staving.

we'll be celebrating afiqa's birthday

and i'll be MUGGING!!!

haha.how rocking cool is this june holidays gonna be?

we'll all see! (:

i'm currently stuck at level 28 of hyperframe.it's a puzzle game that's totally intriguing!i'm doing the mind version cause the speed version is just pure speed no brains needed.talk about stimulating your brain.well,if you are into this sorta thing,you can find the game at www.shockwave.com and search for hyperframe.

i'm smiling like a nut-so.you'll know soon. (:

it's driving me insane.

i can't take it anymore.

this is not how things are supposed to happen,

not like this,not like this.

it's sunconscious

and when i catch myself,

it hurts.

i can't stop even if i wanted to.

i just can't.

take me away...

1. story behind your primary picture?
a confident girl.she's lost though.
2. what is a question that people always ask you?
what are you doing.
3. what is your relation with the last person you give comment?
my lovely friend <3
4. would you share a drink with a stranger?
hmmm.it'll depend.
5. do you love chocolates?
totally!dark is much loved!
6. type of music you adore the most?
no particular genre.just nice tune and lyrics.
7. what is wrong with you right now?
i feel weakness surging through my body.
8. name something you have to do tomorrow?
wake up.
9. your current mood in one word?
crap
10. in love with whom?
a guy i barely know. (IT'S WRONG!I KNOW!)
11. when did you last cry?
just last night.or i should say,today morning.
12. why?
the story was touching. (:
13. story behind your background music?
strength
14. what is the text in your inbox?
for me to sleep early?
15. have you ever ride a police car?
yup!during primary3.i sat at the front.
16. what are you listening to right now?
the news and my mommy's words.
17. do your close friends have children?
erm,nope.we're still damn young.
18. has anyone told you a secret this week?
erm,i think.i don't really remember.
19. are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
no and no.but in the future,maybe a tattoo.
20. what big concerts are you looking forward to?
i'm not big on concerts.
21. next vacation you're going on?
vacation?i haven't had vacation in years.
22. last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
erm,i can't remember.
23. what did you dream last night?
to tired to dream.
24. does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
nope.but it does vibrate once in awhile.
25. who was the last person make you cry?
yasser.for being really sweet. (: he's a great bud.
26. what are you looking forward to?
to end school and continue with my life.
27. do you have a best friend?
what's with ranking people who make you happy?
i have lovely friends,no one is comparable to the other. (:
28. favorite radio station?
perfect ten,9.87
29. first band/group you liked?
erm,i think it was westlife
30. first music video you enjoyed?
avril lavigne - when you're gone
31. what's your lunch for today?
rice,fish,veg?
32. last movie that you have seen?
untraceable
33. what time did you wake up?
10.25
34. what is the last email you received?
from friendster.about yingjie sending me a comment on one of the pictures.
35. do you miss someone?
yup.and the wrong guy.
36. last time you got tipsy/drunk?
i DO NOT consume alcohol
37. last person whom you danced with?
myself
38. what was the last text you received about?
from justin mommy,to sleep early like him.
39. favorite tv series?
for now,it's csi. (:

IT RAINED FOR AGES LAST NIGHT.there was thunder and lightning and heavy pellets of rain.and as i had hoped,the weather is glorious!haha.great weather.haha.

i hate the feeling of weakness,the feeling of want.it sucks because i'm playing out of your hand.and only you can control my emotions.it will never be the same though.nothing can change that fact. ):

IT'S A LIE!the rain did nothing to neutralise the swelteringly hot weather!went out with my mommy today.was kinda fun but super bloody hot la.in the midst of completing yasser's pressie.haha.it was so easy.haha.

why is it that you are making me walk in a maze.first this and now that.it kinda makes me feel if all this is a scheme.

what am i hoping for?

what am i waiting for?

what am i longing for?

impossibility that is.

i keep telling myself not to want,

but i can never achieve it.

it's difficult to be in this situation

where you just want to hate yourself.

but love is of the essence

to learn to live is to learn to love.

but it's that very thing that hurts me more.