the beach lover

2012-02-12T23:54:00.002+08:00

should i regret chopping my hair off?

some days i do

i mean, it's so easy to fall back on my long hair

that even on bad hair days don't come close to the shit i have now

and it's so safe and easy

i don't even need to look in the mirror

and i know i don't look that bad, at least hair wise

so easy to pull it into a ponytail

or a braid or just let it down and blow in the wind

now, i wake up every morning

fussing over my train wreck of a hair

wishing it would just grow out long enough

for me to fuss less about

i need to do something about it

or i swear i will lose it

and chop it all off again

2012-02-08T01:56:00.001+08:00

sudden motivation to get my old body back

after accompanying carr to her practise

now i just hope this motivation will last

2012-02-03T12:56:00.001+08:00

good karma

i helped an ah ma on the bus

and then nice people kept popping up

one uncle drove me to a bus stop

cause i was walking in the rain in an industrial place

another was really when i was getting out of my seat in the bus

and then a lady held me when i was stumbling in the bus

with no hands available to hold any hand pole

or the hanging thingy

good karma is so awesome!

2012-01-31T00:50:00.001+08:00

i remember surfing channels a few days ago

and they were showing the victoria secret's fashion show 2011

so i watched a bit

there was a part which followed a new model

and when she walked out i almost fainted

compared to vs angels like miranda kerr

this new model was so thin i could see her hip bones

it was just too ugly to watch

there are slim girls and then there are unhealthy-thin

and it's the second type that scares me

as semester after semester of school roll in

i get more and more restless of the days

it's so fucked up

2012-01-17T16:51:00.001+08:00

i went to popular @ imm last friday

i went to get some paper for a mini personal project

and i found a pack of 250gsm paper

do you know how awesome that is?!

thick paper that comes in a pack and have simple colours like white

and does not have weird patterns or textures embossed in it

also not having a weird "come hither" perfume smell/scent

while queueing to pay for my pack of paper

i was browsing the books on the display

while still being in line

see picture below

orange crosses mark other customers in line

i'm the green cross

and the pink blob denotes the bitch

so i was in line browsing the books on the display

when this bitch comes up to me

and asks me in the rudest tone if i was in line

well, i apologise that i didn't receive the memo

that to be in line you have to be in the

i-can-smell-the-hair-of-the-person-before-me range

to qualify being in the line

FUCK YOU BITCH

2012-01-10T21:45:00.001+08:00

so fucking bored

itching to own a car and drive

dying to move out and be on my own

can't wait for school to end

want more time with jem

argh, what's new?

2012-01-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

the other day, i was at zara @ ngee ann city

and what took me by surprise was the staff

the staff stationed at the changing rooms were so rude

with bad attitude and a black face

if you choose to work in customer sales

don't fucking showing your bad attitude

WTF

on other notes,

i can't wait to move out

cause i want the freedom

and i want to be financially independent

i want to move out

2011-12-25T02:20:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas people!

Have a good one (:

2011-12-22T03:52:00.001+08:00

it's been epic long since i posted in this space

been up to nothing much

on holiday for 2 weeks and now

just getting lazier and lazier each day

but i did meet up with a few friends

like wei neng from drama

and my classmates from jc

the class gathering wasn't a full success

since not everyone could make it

but most people shown up and it was great

went clubbing with 3 girls after

epic fun! (minus the creeps)

christmas is coming up and i have no plans

christmas eve will be spent with family

since we're gonna be having dinner

jeremy is going over to malaysia over christmas

and stuffing his face with his family

so i'll just see who's free and available in singapore

i prepared some small gifts for a few friends

but i don't know how to get it to them

since everyone's busy

and i tried to meet up with some last minute but it didn't work

two of the presents were really easy since i didn't need to "do" them

just wrapped them up

another two i actually made

then jeremy's one required the most work

and as of now, i'm not done with yet

so i have to rid myself of the lazy bug and get down to it

or he will end up with 1) a very very late gift

or 2) a half-done gift

MEH

i shouldn't be posting this on the internet right?

on the upside, results are in and i am so happy with it

but then again, school's starting soon

ARGH

ohkay, super long post since forever

which means the next post will be freaking long later

then again, who still reads this space?!

tag me in the tagboard so i know? (:

2011-12-07T15:59:00.001+08:00

it'll be cool to be able to play the piano

like those talented people

but i just don't have the talent

got an exam soon, and i want to die

2011-12-01T00:03:00.001+08:00

i have no drive to study

yet i think about canoeing over and over again

throughout the day

that's passion i guess?

wanna eat so much food i will explode

mindless post

rawr rawr rawr

too much going on in my tiny brain

2011-11-21T11:48:00.001+08:00

lucky girl

i wanna surprise my kids like this too

2011-11-21T00:01:00.001+08:00

spreading a little love

made me feel warm and happy

2011-11-04T14:04:00.001+08:00

i checked out cine65 yesterday,

because i'm so freaking free!!!

since my assignments are over

and i no longer need to stay up late

editing retarded pieces of work

so yeah, i check it out

and i gotta to say, it's really quite a watch

interesting and all

not bad to pass the time (:

2011-11-01T04:29:00.000+08:00

i am finally done with the group assignments

as of 4:24 a.m

i've submitted it in and i am OFF THE HOOK

no more fucked up group meetings

no more shitty discussions (that amount to almost nothing)

no more sucky group mates

no more sleepless nights trying to rewrite everything because their work is good enough to feed the pigs

no more reading incomprehensible english

no more shit

no more

2011-10-25T05:14:00.001+08:00

i am defeated

i will not succumb to the pressure

i will accept it and bend under the pressure

i will not do all the work for them

i will just give up

if they choose not to do the work then

WE. WILL. ALL. FAIL. TOGETHER.

2011-10-19T01:19:00.001+08:00

WARNING: LONG BITCHY ANGSTY RANT

can't take it better disappear

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

ENOUGH OF ALL THESE BULLSHIT

AND ENOUGH OF ALL THIS NONSENSE

a group assignment means that every single person is to fucking contribute

contribute means play a fucking part

meetings are for all members to attend

for discussions and work delegations

not for a few of us to arrive and wait

and no fucking show

take for example tuesday

we were supposed to meet at 10am

case 1:

one of them had lessons in the morning,

so i asked him to either meet me to pass the physical surveys in the morning

or consolidate on email and email to me so i can key it in for him

he said he will email me but in the morning i received NOTHING

case 2:

another texted me at the last minute saying he will only be here at 1030

so since 3 of them were gonna be late i pushed it back to 1030

at 1030 he was a no-show

same at 1100 and at 1130

i didn't even have the mind to text him and ask

and he did not even bother to drop me a text to inform me

and at 1155 when i was walking to class

he appeared outside telling me he already passed the surveys to one of the members

and he didn't show up because he was held up by the maintenance guy he was supposed to meet

WOW, so it was so fucking hard for you to drop me a gawddamn text and inform me

was it so bloody hard for you to take your phone and type in "i can't come because..."

and what is the meaning of passing me the physical surveys?!

you want me to type it all in for you?!

go fucking screw yourself

i am not your fucking mule and i refuse to do it for you

it's a shitty 14 piece survey

key. it. in. yourself.

you lazy piece of shit

asshole no. 1 has the decency to ask me to calm down

he can ask me to calm down because he doesn't need to freak out

i freak out because i know the consequences if we don't hand in quality work

but he doesn't need to because he plans to ride on others' work

he can come to meetings late with no apparent reason

no apology to any members and no explanation

he can even come unprepared

fuck you soham

asshole no. 2 is the bloody leader of one of our assignments

he is not doing anything

and he was a no-show for his own meeting

no text to say he won't be coming

no text to say he'll be late

and expecting me to do his shit

well you can fuck off too samuel

stupid shitty assholes

i will give you the worse evaluations

you will ever see in your life

and if you cost me my grades,

i will personally skin. you. alive.

2011-10-11T01:12:00.001+08:00

CAs for my modules are finally in

when they were supposed to be in last week

and all of the work is due by this month

how is that even possible/humane?!

not exactly excited because i had a hard time last semester

having to finish up everyone's work

because they were not good enough (not being a perfectionist)

and because i wanted my good grade so bad,

i did everything i could

even if it means redo-ing someone else's part from scratch

this sem, i'm with 2 members from my previous group

and 2 new guys

one of the new guy has an issue about the other

saying that the 2nd guy is a lazy guy

OMG

but giving him the benefit of doubt

again, i am the leader for 2 modules

and the 3rd module the 1st new guy

good is that i have lesser workload

bad is we have to work with time and working styles

guess we'll have to see in the weeks to come

*sigh*

thank goodness i had project work training

2011-10-05T23:39:00.006+08:00

FIRST ROLL OF FILM!

uploaded on my tumblr

2011-10-05T23:39:00.001+08:00

so today is rush rush rush

immediately after lessons,

i rushed out and power-walked myself to the bus stop

to get all the way to ps for my appointment at 4

i had exactly 1 hour to make my way there

after my appointment, i went to collect my photos

and then rushed all the way to the cathay for a movie

i don't know how she does it was a nice light-hearted movie

and i enjoyed it a lot

with my nacho combo and medium salted popcorn

oh yeah (Y)

yes, i went alone and finished all that on my own

i was a little late and stumbled a little when i just got seated

hard to juggle so many food

then after i went to cineleisure to find the baggu backpack

i really liked the olive/army green backpack

but given it's price, $42

and the fact that i have tonnes of bags

it was ruled that it's a want and not a need

and i walked away

but then i went to topshop@knightsbridge

and bought myself some footwear

YAY ME!

2011-10-04T23:48:00.005+08:00

i initially typed this out on my tumblr

hence the perfect grammar and the proper paragraphs

here we go

I want things to go back to when I was in JC. Sadly, that was one of my happiest times. But looking at things now, I'm enjoying and having the time of my life. I have an awesome boy in my life, I'm talking to Yasser again, I have a better relationship with my girls (A.S.H. and Carmen). But I also have school that I dread, driving that I suck at, not as close to Lydia and my drama people. So can I filter out the bad and combine all the good?

Today, the hashtag trending on twitter today was #IfICouldDoItOverAgain. As I was reading some of the tweets, I realise a lot of people want to relive their lives and avoid their mistakes. Then I think to myself, if those mistakes didn't not happen to us, won't we all be slightly different? Our experiences, good and bad, shape us. But then again, I'm not saying that I have nothing I don't want to change. There are so many.

I want to not lose my first BB. I want to not have gotten together with my ex-boyfriends. I want to not have given up so quickly on my studies in JC. I want to avoid all the drama from my life. ETC

But that the end of the day, we are who we are because of what happened to us. So I guess there is nothing I can do but sit here in front of my laptop screen and type my rants out. MEH.

2011-10-04T19:33:00.002+08:00

no afiqa,

i will not post on the world wide web how i made a fool of myself

you wanna know you go ask jeremy

i'm sure he'll be glad to share with the world how "hen fail" i am

-.-

so school's pretty much started

and i wanna say that i am so freaking excited!

NOT

been pretty much begging my friends to text me while i'm class

and complaining to them how shitty my school hours are

so in class, i'm scrambling to take notes, listen and text/tweet/tumblr/surf the net/blogging

so yes, i'm good at one thing:

MULTITASKING (:

am super addicted to my computer and phone

usually i'm on my phone doing something

but then there are times when i have nothing vying for my attention

so i go play tetris

fun max!

ohkay, this is a random blog post

bye!

2011-10-03T01:28:00.004+08:00

finally finished the film on my holga

i went to develop them and i have to admit,

i am the biggest noob in the world

totally made a fool out of myself

and jeremy still had the balls to laugh at me

really excited to see the my virgin roll of film

and see how it all turned out

although i'm a bit \: to see the first few

because the past is captured in those

rawr

excited + a tad of dread

anyways, newfound love in salted popcorn

love love love the nachos and salted popcorn from cathay

although they could be a bit more generous with the cheese

i ended up having to scrap my nachos along the dip section

and still only covered a fraction

gv's (vivo) nachos come in a packet

so if you're late to the movies

you will have to stumble in the dark

tear open the bag (and try to be really silent)

and then pour it into the tray

quite unnecessary i think

this is why i love cathay theatres! <3

2011-09-29T00:37:00.002+08:00

warning: verbal vomit/thoughts on my mind/something you might not care about

it was so easy to have a relationship when we were all in school:

1) same school, same class

there was NO separation and your schedules synchronised

you could see each other for 5 days straight and it was not a problem

2) same school, different classes

despite the physical separation, seeing each other around school isn't hard

pulling off the "ooh, i just happened to walk by your classroom" routine would be cute

and even though your timetables might conflict it shouldn't be much of a problem

there's a library/canteen/other-cool-area-in-your-school to wait for each other

3) different schools

slightly harder to meet up as the timetables might just never synchronise

you can't bump into each other at school but being students,

you can still meet up after school to study or stuff like that

generally, being a student and dating works

in my books at least (for now)

jeremy is in army, i'm in school

given my school schedule, i'm usually very free

but being in the army and training up to serve the nation

means loads of training and whatever things they do

leaving my boy tired and unavailable most of the time

rawr, so hard when our body clocks and schedules don't match

but then again, we get to meet face-to-face on weekends

so i guess we're better off than couples who reside in different countries

on the off note,

me and yasser saw this couple in the bus today

they were sitting a couple of rows in front of us

the weird thing was the guy was sitting on the inside while the girl was by the aisle

and the guy was leaning on the girl

he tried to lay on her lap but he was obviously too tall

and then he was leaning on her shoulder

then they were like cheek-to-cheek for a second

then BOOM, they were kissing like hollywood stars

OMG, you are only 13/14 the most kissing action you should be getting is lips to cheek

i was so shocked i just started laughing

what is up with the kids these days?!

2011-09-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

today, i left the comfort of my bed and home to go to school

i had to go to pick up notes for the second semester of school

on the bus, i met yasser!

you can't imagine the joy i felt because he is a special one

we used to be so close when we were in secondary school

and he was always there for me

it wasn't those suffocating friendship where there's only you and your friend

we both had other groups of friends

(actually, all my friendships are like that.

we're close but we have other friends too (: )

but we were tight

he had my back and i will smack his back (Y)

so we were just catching up in the bus

and i managed to convince him to accompany me

so we went to collect my notes and then head over to westmall

i wanted to get some things and he helped me

along the way, we joked and laughed and i had a good time

as we said our goodbyes, we shared a hug

it's not a romantic hug

nor is it a lame limp hug

it was a true genuine hug from a friend to another friend

i missed him

~~on the off note, who said it was ohkay to make girls bleed for days on end?~~

~~who? it is not cool, and it fucking sucks.~~

2011-09-23T15:00:00.001+08:00

one month's holiday is almost coming to an end

starting my second semester next month

not every excited and a bit upset with the timetable

used to be a 830 to 1130 slot

now we're doing a 12 to 3 slot

sleep time man. -.-

plus, it'll hinder my other commitments

damn

2011-09-17T10:08:00.001+08:00

last week, i did a camp for adam khoo

and the camp i did was for AES

the kids we took on were from normal tech

and a lot was riding on how the camp goes

and how the teachers find the overall outcome of the camp

stressed and worried that i won't do a good job

i was mainly worried that i couldn't build a rapport with the campers

and i was also uncertain if i was able to deliver

having been on a "hiatus" from doing camps

plus i felt that i kinda lost my spark the last time i did camps

i was feeling generally unprepared and not ready to be handed this challenge

there are three kinds of campers (at least in my book so far) :

1) those that are excited to be there

2) those that don't want to be there at all

3) those who don't know what to expect and have the sitting-on-a-fence situation

so with this camp, i would say most of them were type 2 campers

they all had the why-must-i-be-here attitude

we coaches were prepared to face the fact

that they will be hard nuts to crack

and did everything we can to prepare for it

when the time came, we all took it head-on

for me, every camp is a learning experience

if not for the campers but for me

i acknowledge the fact that at the end of the day

the campers walk away from the camp having learnt nothing

and probably won't remember shit from the camp

but i will definitely learn something

even if it was the simple fact that what we have shouldn't be taken for granted

so i told myself that i will go all out

and i will change my strategy whenever i sense that it will not work

so throughout the camp i used a lot of different methods

i played my whole playbook

in the end, i might have managed to crack a few nuts

it was very hard to tell

but having failed to make a difference to a larger fraction of my campers

brought me to tears at some point

i felt like i failed

but we all have to pick ourselves up

and i did

so i expected to great not-so-good reviews and feedback from the teachers

yet when i received the feedback,

i was utterly shocked and amazed

lesson learnt:

never underestimate your ability

it might not be the end goal in mind

but the process and method matter more then the outcome

if the process and method that i applied worked

but just need a longer time than 3D2N to achieve the stipulated ending

then it will prove good

so i guess i learnt to focus on process and not the end goal

it was a challenging yet fruitful camp for me

i am so glad i did the camp. (:

2011-09-17T09:50:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish i was born to different circumstances

less asian and more relax kinda style

not sure how to actually put this into words

to vent it out

and i guess it's not very "appropriate" to post this on the world wide web

but inside my head, i know

wish and wish

can't to grow up and just lead life the way i want it to be

but then i bet i will be those "normal" people

who will always think that the grass is greener on the other side

when i'm old enough to have to fend for myself

i will wish that i'm still young and couldn't care less

and didn't to bother about bills and taxes,

taking care of myself and basically being on my own

oh pfft, what a joke life is

we spend half the time wishing we were at some other point

and when we finally do get there,

we wish we were back where we were.

so retarded

but i guess that us humans

having insatiable needs and constantly searching for "greener pastures"

oh fuck,

golly good rawr

2011-09-14T13:18:00.001+08:00

i finally went to watch the thai movie suckseed

it was really awesome

it was a good mix of comedy, drama and music

really good movie

and i will go as far to say that i want to own a dvd of the movie

the songs are good and catchy

some people might think that pfft it's in thai

and i don't understand the language

making it hard to watch and read subtitles at the same time

well then, you're just not talented enough

all in all a great movie and i recommend you to catch it

unfortunately i caught it when it's about to end it's screening in sg

hope the rest of you managed to catch it (:

2011-08-27T17:48:00.002+08:00

i can't even begin to say how angry/disappointed i am

it's never a nice feeling

to get ready to go

all that's left is to wait

and wait and wait and wait

and it never happens

fuck.

2011-08-25T01:49:00.002+08:00

being the total lazy-ass-bum that i am,

let's recap my wednesday,

oh-so-wholesome-and-well-spent wednesday.

putting myself to bed at say 2am,

i timely woke up at 5am then 8, 9, 10, 11

and finally peeled myself outta bed at 12.

cooked myself and skinny so instant noodles

cause we were too lazy to head out for lunch

so jeremy told me about how some of the ns guys

cook instant like cup noodles

where they just put the noodles in the mass tin

and put in the hot water and wait for it to cook

i tried that and boom!

IT WORKS BITCHES!

no more standing by the hot steaming pot

you can't get any lazier than that

after which i surfed the net, watched tv and gorged myself on snacks

then went to nap again

resurfaced at 6 for dinner and then surfed the net and watched tv

now, i've made myself some green tea and once again

am in front of my macbook

so bottomline, i'm NOT studying

and i'm getting FAT

RAWR

2011-08-24T00:49:00.002+08:00

so, i've gone through a really really bad roller coaster ride

regarding my "future"

and, since i don't know who read this space

i won't divulge too much info

let's just say, i'm done with the ride

- - -

secondly, i received my ca results for all three subjects

a B+ and 2 As

surprisingly, and A for math!

(take that mr chan and mdm song! HAH!)

what i am kinda upset about is getting a B+ for english

i know that the marks were greatly affected by ca2

see, ca2 is a group assignment where we have to design a poster

and well, i have faith to say that we did a good job

before i submitted the work, i check, double-checked and TRIPLE-checked

but, when the teacher opened it, the text was all over the place

and she had to adjust it a bit to see the whole poster

so naturally, we were penalized

and since others didn't have a problem with it (since they used photoshop)

my group had to be marked down

she "blamed" it on my lack of skill

in my defense, who said it HAD (and if i don't i will die) to use photoshop?!

i don't even have photoshop

plus, when she showed us past batches' work,

she used ms word to open it

so why did she have a problem with mine?!

and afiqa rised a fair and justified point:

I'M STUDYING ENGLISH

this is bollocks

- - -

anyway, now i'm on study break

exams will be next wednesday to friday

then holidays till oct

please, will everyone pray/hope/wish that i spend my time productively

and with that,

i'm signing off

(oh, and apologies for the LONG hiatus)

2011-08-11T14:33:00.001+08:00

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARCHIVE?!

SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE?!

2011-08-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

went to watch a movie alone today

honestly, i'm really proud of myself

happy that i finally got off my ass to go alone

yes, i've done it before

but doing it now, is really important for me

no, i am not detaching myself from my life

nor am i detaching myself from my friends and family

i am just finally giving myself some me time

some time to do things i love,

with myself

2011-08-01T01:14:00.003+08:00

why would people to do things they know are bad

and continue to do so even if it means hurting their loved ones?

i am thankful to be surrounded by people unlike the aforementioned group above

2011-07-29T11:32:00.006+08:00

group work is ending soon!

bad news: we are NOT done yet!

good news: no more late nights editing incoherent chunks of stuff

i guess there's always a silver lining

been arriving at school later than i should

for the whole week now

hopefully this doesn't persist after this week

no more group work should equal earlier nights yes?

2011-07-23T07:02:00.003+08:00

haven't posted in awhile

i've been really busy

grrr

anyway, a few days ago i was on the bus to school

and since it's during peak hour,

the bus was packed like sardines

and well, i was near the front

evidently, we were all so packed, rear and front

i was so close to this guy i could almost smell his hair

(gross, but yes)

so a few stops later,

a bunch of people alighted, approximately 10 plus?

but, magically, the squeeziness level at the front did not change

i repeat, DID NOT change

now, how the cheese balls is that possible?

apparently, there were people who decided they need more room

and just generally adjusted so they have more room

while the 20-odd front pack continue to smell each other's hair

wow people!

your selfishness astounds me.

2011-07-02T01:41:00.001+08:00

i will get a sentosa islander membership

cause it's way cheaper

and i will be motivated to go!!!

excites!!!

2011-06-26T23:15:00.002+08:00

my room is so messy

i try not to stay in there any longer than needed

the mess is such a puke-inducing heap

and when i need to stay in my room any longer than 5 mins,

i go in at night and turn off the lights

so i really need to pack my room

or at least attempt to

but there's so much to do

somebody help me?

ARGH!

or maybe i just need a bigger room

2011-06-25T21:36:00.003+08:00

school's starting soon

thinking whether i should spend the money

for a new pencil tin

and a tumbler for the coffee/green tea i'll be drinking

but food&drinks not allowed in lecture theatre

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

saw a really cute one at artbox@ion

but the starbucks one more durable i think (?)

then there's the headband i kinda want

some new in-ear earphones

and then the bandeau top i want so i wont get such ugly tan lines

gahhh

money money money

2011-06-21T11:44:00.002+08:00

there will be times when you feel like you are drifting away

away from those who you once were so close with

you were "attached to the hip" with them

but then now, you feel the distance

and the strain of holding a conversation

well, that's what life does to people

it sometimes pulls people in opposite directions

it sometimes pushes people together

but ultimately,

it's how you find your way back

despite all the differences and all the clashing schedules and obstacles

i am going through that now

with one of my friends

she might or might not read this

given her busy schedule

but if you do, bbgirl

please know this

i know i've become a whole different person in your eyes

but i guess my passion and drive for everything has died down

and given all this we have grown slightly more apart that i wanted

i hope we can kick back and go shopping or something soon

putting this behind us

till then, i'm still a text/call away

2011-06-20T18:15:00.001+08:00

some people just need to know when to BACK OFF

you might have been some random stranger

then someone who meant something to me

and then made me wanna push you away

whatever the reason,

whatever my reason,

you DO NOT have a bloody right

to make judgements about me

you are not making sense

ya know?!

a word of advice,

go and re-think about everything

then maybe you won't be so baffled

and then at the same time,

do me a huge favour and

fuck off

2011-06-18T13:25:00.002+08:00

school is gonna start soon for me

and i have orientation coming up

for once in my nineteen years of life

i am dreading EVERYTHING

be it piano, driving or sports

i am just dreading doing/going through it all

i lost my drive in everything

don't even wanna attend orientation

just wanna quietly go by each day and finish school

so when you ask my "classmates" if they know a hazel

they'll be like, "who?"

that's my goal

or else, someone find me back my drive

cause i can't find it

i can't do it

2011-06-18T13:23:00.001+08:00

how do you tell someone to back off

without seeming mean

and without all the drama that follows?

2011-06-18T01:20:00.003+08:00

to do list:

1) get my green havaianas

2) get my BB casing

3) stop being so lazy

EDIT/

i did get my green havaianas

YAY!!!

and i did get a BB casing

yay!!!

but i'm still lazy as hell

BOO!!!

2011-06-13T21:08:00.001+08:00

training driving training piano going out

2011-06-11T22:24:00.002+08:00

WANT those green havaianas

WANT to sell off my almost-brand-new havaianas

WANT to get my gawddamn bloody license

WANT to finish my piano dread

WANT those earphones

WANT to go shopping for comfy cotton bras

WANT those green vans

WANT more denim shorts

WANT some men's shirts

WANT to buy more simple dresses

WANT me some booze and party

WANT to see that flashing blue light

2011-06-10T22:42:00.002+08:00

why do i even bother

fighting this losing battle

for all the potential i see

for everything i believed in

for the traditions and legacy that is worthy

but i am the only one

i am the only one

disappointment

and i feel like such a failure

2011-06-07T04:25:00.003+08:00

i am so tired

yet i can't sleep

thousand and a million things

just flying around and driving me to insanity

i don't think we should even think of anything

at this time, at this juncture

whatever that should happen

will happen

so just for now

for this moment in our lives

just let me go

cause i let you go,

when i said goodbye

2011-06-05T10:56:00.001+08:00

on a lighter note,

i love rainy days

2011-06-05T10:45:00.005+08:00

so then life brings about many different experiences

some that are eventful and life-changing

others you wished didn't happen to you

for me, i went through one that was both

at first (and actually till now), i questioned the indisputable universe

why it happened to me, despite my efforts

and why the universe was torturing me and putting me through it all

then the aftermath of it all just made me realise just who are those who care

and also, how guilt can bring me such pain

till now i wonder why it all happened and if there were to be a different outcome

how it would have been and how i would have taken it

many people are telling me that this is all a huge painful but nonetheless meaningful lesson

and although i want to agree with them and take it in my stride

i can't

for the fact that it is not a lesson

i didn't learn anything from this

and if i were able to go back in time

i would have altered this part of y history so i never have to go through this

and put my loved ones through this either

it was truly a heart-wrenching episode in my life

all's cast in stone,

at least for this interval in my life

2011-06-03T00:07:00.000+08:00

horrid few hours, guilt forever

2011-05-28T00:58:00.002+08:00

over the past 3days,

i embarked on a journey which taught me a lot

i did a camp with secondary two kids

i took on 13 of them and we basically did the following:

day 1

they planned their route and set off

walked to our lunch area and had a filling lunch for $1.80

then took a bus to CBD area for the first landmark

after, we trekked from CBD to mount faber

and took the marang trail all the way past Henderson Waves

and the TreeTop walk and Alexandra Arch and Hort Park

walked to dinner place at queensway for $2.50 and then ran to catch a bus

but it ended up being the wrong one

finally got the "right" bus and ended up at joo chiat

walked from there to ecp area c

walked to area f (meant to harbour at g)

but then got ordered to return to area d

due to the lack of space, continued down to area b till we found a space

my campers slept while i stayed up to take care of their belongings and them

day 2

woke up and had bread with kaya and mac maple syrup

then walked to the bus stop to take a bus to nus

alighted and walked with now idea where we are

till we found a shuttle bus to get us to our destination

then we went to clementi for lunch

had a $2 lunch under a void deck

then trained to jurong and walked to chinese garden and got lost

after which we took bus to ngee ann and finally found our fifth landmark

with remaining transport incentives,

we went to bishan via bus and too train to serangoon

to complete a challenge that made me smile and realise there are nice kind people around

then had the most epic dinner ever

two mac burgers and bubble tea, all for $5

then walked back to school

day 3

the final debrief

where i handed out their handbooks

which i collected to read and write personal messages to

while reading, i learned some things that kinda broke my heart

but oh wells.

had them prepare for their presentation

and watched them relay what they experience over the past 2 days

in pictures and words and drawings

after that it was much or less talking and settling

then break camp

lessons learned:

1) people may displays such qualities, but deep down they think differently

2) plans fail when the planning and thought process is fucked up

3) money planning can happen epicly and surprise anyone

4) quietness doesn't mean one isn't thinking or putting in effort. probably just doesn't like to talk much

5) people you thought will help you, might in turn ruin your plans and make you feel helpless

much much more, but they need to be kept with me

and be brought into my grave

experiential and mind-blowing

2011-05-28T00:56:00.002+08:00

my girlfriend, short stuff,

is SUPER DAO when she's sleeping

cause like at camp,

when i was freezing my butt of in the aircon room,

i tapped her shoulder to ask to share her sleeping bag

she looked at me,

turned and hugged her sleeping bag tighter

THANKS GIRLFRIEND!

heh. (:

2011-05-21T22:54:00.001+08:00

i loved, and still do, Mr Bean

but then they ruined it with the animated series

personal opinion

2011-05-21T21:48:00.003+08:00

comfy cotton bras and undies, denim shorts, flannels, shirts and cropped tops are all i need

2011-05-20T20:53:00.003+08:00

change | ch ānj|

verb
1 make or become different2 [ trans. ] take or use another instead of
noun
1 the act or instance of making or becoming different

Change is the only constant.

how these words ring true

there is not one thing i can think of that doesn't change over time and space

the water levels of the pacific ocean,

the temperature of our atmosphere,

the way something is

these things all change

and it isn't just tangible things that change

intangible objects such as feelings and thought change and vary over time as well

take an opinion for example,

one might think an apple is sweet and juicy

but after having tasted a sour one

the opinion can change

(ohkay, really lame example, but still...)

my point is that change is everywhere and around us

each and every day, hour, minute and second

the quantification of change can be based on scientific measurement

or based on a feeling or judgement of a certain scale

since the dawn of mankind

and even before that,

change happened and continues to happen

till we perish and our descendants walk the earth

change caused the dinosaurs to die

and the evolution of man

change led to industrialisation

and also to the fluctuating economy

everything is constantly changing

so what do we do about it?

do we sit in a corner and sulk about the change

hating and wishing and praying for it to return to how it was

or to embrace what we can and learn to accept the current

all in all,

we are the bearers of our own fate and destiny

we decide how to deal with change

and how change will affect us on the bigger scale

ultimately, it is how we act, behave and think

that makes our entire lifetime

i shall create my own path

and i will create a better change

2011-05-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

always surround yourself with positive energy

2011-05-11T02:07:00.002+08:00

at night when the stars
light up my room
i sit by myself
talking to the moon

-bruno mars

talking to the moon

2011-05-11T01:31:00.002+08:00

how can something perfect seem so imperfect after a period of time?

how can life start to look bad and sad when it used to be great?

how can one feel trapped when it used to be a release?

how can one want out when one couldn't live without before?

how can a piece that used to fit suddenly seem so wrong?

how can it all be so messed up when it was the best thing that happened?

how how how?

cheesebun and fudge

2011-05-09T21:46:00.001+08:00

OMG!!!

long since i last blogged!

i was employed and then i quit

i went out with friends and went for a 5km race

i met up with my aunt and cousin for lunch and short shopping

i had late nights and many movies

i made new friends and left one waiting for awhile (SORRY!)

so yeah, summary of my life so far

gotta find a job, or a sugar mommy/daddy

HEEHEEHEE

oh fudge!

2011-05-05T20:59:00.001+08:00

BORED SIA....

check out Bruno Mars' The Lazy Song! (:

super cute!

and the "dance" is so funny!

2011-05-05T00:22:00.000+08:00

the pressure's on

gotta GO GO GO!

2011-04-25T22:23:00.001+08:00

i miss my grandpa

2011-04-25T00:48:00.001+08:00

is it our age difference that stops your heart from going BOOM BOOM BOOM?

-Edison

Valentines Day (Movie)

2011-04-23T00:07:00.001+08:00

if you have no respect for this side of the family

then don't expect any of us to give you "face"

you're superficial and shallow

2011-04-22T14:04:00.002+08:00

who do you think you are
running round leaving scars
collecting your jar of hearts
tearing love apart

you're gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul
don't come back for me
don't come back at all

-jar of hearts

christina perri

2011-04-19T21:46:00.000+08:00

the previous post

sounds so cliche

but i guess that's what cliches

remains cliche

(Y)

2011-04-19T21:37:00.003+08:00

gotta admit, sometimes i wake up

and regret hacking my hair off

feeling like shit that i had the ridiculous balls to chop it all off

and having to wake up to a boy's cut.

it's not even a pixie cut

it's a bloody boy's cut

my initial thought :

short hair = less hassle

but i was wrong

short hair + no styling (effort) = shitty bedhead that is UGLY

long hair was easier, you can comb while walking

or rushing to catch the bus

and the worst thing that can happen is a gawd-awful center-part

with flat limp hair

but short hair with no effort is like shit and crap all mixed on my head

ARGH + GAHHH = FRUSTRATION AND REGRET

but then i remember how my loved ones love me for who i am

and not how my hair looks everyday morning

i remember how i don't give a flip what people think of me (anymore)

and i smile.

cause i can look as shitty and ridiculous as i want

cause only those who love me

see the beauty within

and ohkay, on the outside as well (:

2011-04-18T19:20:00.002+08:00

i overslept and missed his call

fuck

2011-04-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

finally the day has come

i got my BlackBerry! (:

I"M SO HAPPY I'M BURSTING!

2011-04-12T23:27:00.001+08:00

obsessing over van houten almonds

and mixed banana-watermelon-orange fruit blend

(Y)

2011-04-07T13:22:00.002+08:00

i realised that there are teachers out there that are

1) fucking lazy

2) fucking irritating

3) fucking no-brains

4) fucking selfish

the people who mould our future generation are such people

i am losing my faith in humans

they are the bloody black sheep of the entire teaching honour

2011-04-07T01:00:00.001+08:00

i wanna get a bike license

and get a ducati

everyone with me say yeah!

2011-04-05T21:49:00.002+08:00

i always have fun when i'm with my girls!

HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY SUSU!!!

i wanted to run,

but then sofa called out to me

2011-04-03T18:47:00.002+08:00

bull named horse is a total slut

she has no respect or even an ounce of gratitude towards others

she commands others and expect things to be done perfectly but don't give the needed support and expectations

assuming her idea is the same as everyone else's and feels that we should know exactly what she say without her saying

she doesn't want this particular person to be on the team

and that person is the most knowledgeable of the rest

she is just threatened by this person

and when i told her that i need this person because we have not enough manpower

she said that is not an excuse and even if we don't have enough people we still can't use this person

well let me tell you, i have an hour's time and fifty cast to make up with as little as three volunteers available

estimated time at seven minutes per cast is a total of 350 minutes

so if i were to release this person

and we can't deliver will you leave me alone?

fuck this ma gyap sen

she will burn in hell and don't even know what hit her

karma will get to her

and if i can't take it i will up and go

try contacting me

2011-04-03T11:24:00.002+08:00

lessons learnt

1) do things how you want others to do it for you

when you expect things to be done swiftly and efficiently, you do the same on your side. giving last-minute work is never ohkay, but i understand that we are all middlemen to middlemens so do your best to offer as much support and understanding as time is no one's friend. it is just fucking unfair when i am to be at your beck and call while you reply as and when you like and get back to me when you please. that is fucked up and you know it

2) when you ask for a favour, provide support

if you really want something done you would try to help right? i can't possibly clean the whole place up by myself. i can't do everything by myself. gawddamnit, i do what i can but i am not superwoman. if you think it's rubbish that i need people to help me then you do it. why didn't you when you were working here? fuck

3) know when to say no

if you wanna have the last ounce of respect and dignity for yourself, learn to say no and stick to it. waver and it'll be game over for you

2011-03-31T14:50:00.003+08:00

OH AND GUYS!!!

I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF!!!

NO MORE BORING LONG FLAT HAIR

SAY HI TO THE ALL-NEW

JUSTINBIEBERRIHANNAPINK HAIR!

SEE, I WAS GOING FOR PINK'S DO

BUT SOME SAID IT LOOKS LIKE RIHANNA MINUS THE RED THREAD

AND SOME SAID JUSTIN BIEBER

SO YEAH (:

2011-03-31T14:43:00.003+08:00

and so i forgot all about it

i took neoprints recents with justin

fucking epic

we were like WHAT?! HUH?!

and it is so tiring to be running around doing poses and all

it was so long ago since i last took

i was still in secondary school then

and it was justin's virgin and last experience

it was epic-ly gay for both me and him

just so so weird

it used to be huge right?

like there would be a machine everywhere

and then a whole show of machines for you to just take till you go insane

hahaha...

never really loved it

but now, can say you'll have to dare me to do it

2011-03-26T11:24:00.002+08:00

just realised i lost my thumbdrive

and it's driving me insane

coupled with lack of sleep and i'm a fucking time bomb

i think i just made justin double-take

cause i whined and became impossible

still am,

cause i can't find my thumbdrive

fuck

2011-03-26T01:10:00.003+08:00

watched sucker punched

and it sucked

i left the movie theatre going HUH?

not the inception kinda wow-HUH?

it's the i just got jacked outta 7-bucks-HUH?

justin said the title sucker punched is in relation to the audience being sucker punched

cause you are like WTF did i just watched

seriously, don't waste your money

2011-03-23T13:59:00.002+08:00

so since people are asking what the fuck i plan to do,

imma tell you guys who ask.

as much as i don't want to,

imma go study (DRAG!)

went to SIM planning to take the RMIT programme

but...i'm too dumb to do that

results don't allow me to so i got two choices

university of buffalo and diploma

the first i decided to apply for double degree in communication and sociology

and the second some business diploma (you can see which i'd prefer)

but the degree course is 64K while the diploma is 3.5K

so like i don't think i'll be able to do the degree course cause it's too expensive

that's about it...

yupp

2011-03-22T02:06:00.003+08:00

please just let me get out the hate i feel towards my job

it sucks so much i wanna just drop EVERYTHING and go

it's like the hate i had when i was studying...

but i can't just leave because i would love to return in the future still in good relation with the school

and i wanna leave as a responsible person, since we are right in the middle of a production

and i've also yet to finish all the tasks i'm expected to finish

although it is impossible in every sense for me to do alone

she is known for using "relations" to anchor people

in other, less polite, words, emotional blackmail

i am not the only one but i am the one who will not allow it to escalade

she will stretch every single one of us till we tak boleh tahan and leave

for good

her loss, something she will never understand

2011-03-17T10:41:00.001+08:00

so yesterday justin and i went for dinner at sizzler

then a snobby bitch and her mother decided to ruin my pre-dinner mood

we arrived just seconds before her and proceeded to wait on the welcome carpet behind the door (point marked smiley face - (: for great job!)

because the friggin' sign said, "PLEASE WAIT TO BE SEATED"

the snobby bitch just barged into the restaurant and stood by the cashier waiting to be served

(point marked W - w for wrong!)

there was a manager attending to a customer at the cashier

and a staff saw us and came to us

i kindly asked for a table for two

the staff then realised the snobby bitch and was thinking who to serve first

the manager then told him to serve us first cause he saw that we arrived first

as we walked past the snobby bitch i overheard her say

"they were just looking at the menu, like seriously..."

wow, she seriously made my fucking blood boil

gawddamnit, i even told justin that if i bump into her at the salad bar

i will BREAK her ugly face

first, they said please wait to be seated

you can't just bloody barge in

second, when a person is just looking at the menu, s/he stands in front of the menu

when a person is waiting to be seated, s/he stands directly at the entrance

if that uncultured swine has no idea about proper body language and ettiquette

then she is a FAIL _|_

2011-03-16T16:41:00.002+08:00

RESUME WRITING: MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL

2011-03-13T11:00:00.002+08:00

nowadays, parents are becoming more irritable

they treat their kids like princes and princesses

spoiling their kids to the limit

working at my drama school,

i encounter many situations that make my blood boil and froth

allow me to explain and get it all out

[not in chronological order]

encounter 1:

we need the performers to get tops that a apple green/light green

and i rejected y's tops twice because they were obviously too dark to be apple/light green

and the second one she bought was even darker

whereas we've shown them what exactly we want

after the second rejection,

her mother called in to shout and bitch about how she spent 50 over dollars on the two tops

and still i rejected them

insisting that it was our fault since we didn't provide them with a sample or colour swab

complaining that we should reimburse them

telling her that she should bring her daughter along to buy since she knows

the mother tells me that she did indeed bring her daughter

but the daughter tells the mother that she didn't know

is it my problem your daughter chooses the easy way out by saying idk?

who asked you to buy such an expensive top?

colour swabs and samples, who do you think we are?

interior designers?!

encounter 2:

same mother same daughter

called in a few days ago,

telling me her daughter cannot attend the performance on the first night

due to school activities

and if the daughter will still resume her role on the second night

WHAT?! irresponsible and totally unbelievable

horrible parenting skills

encounter 3:

expecting me to schedule rehearsals around not the kid's timings

but the parents' timing

so who is perfoming? you or your kid?

they are already old enough to travel on their own

teach them independence not chauffeur them to and fro

encounter 4:

so they are 10 - 11 year olds

so when we set their schedule, we have to yet again call and inform their parents

should not it be THEIR responsibility to inform their parents?

reminder-calls are not to be taken for granted because they should not even be there

as a performer, isn't it your responsibility to be aware of your rehearsal times

and not the office worker?!

encounter 5:

if you keep bombarding your child with tuitions and extra lessons

don't blame us if she goes home crying she can't finish her work

when you enroll your child into an activity, it is not a touch-and-go process

it is a commitment

you should be well prepared to commit time and effort

should not it be a full-on mastered skill as compared to a variant of knowledge but no skill?

all in all, the generation has morphed into a whole new dimension

and with it, more pros and cons

parents should rethink on their parenting methods

and kids should rethink how they should live life and behave

2011-03-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

addicted to soya bean ice blended

(Y)

2011-03-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

rejected.

do i try again or just give up?

fuck

2011-03-06T12:37:00.001+08:00

my results are seriously not good

not good enough for anything

but i don't regret my decision

the only shit i'm feeling now is that my life is at a standstill

and it's rather depressing

i don't know what to do

2011-03-06T09:53:00.000+08:00

wanna curl up and die

seriously don't have a life

2011-03-05T13:54:00.002+08:00

receiving unexpected texts from people you least expect

THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND CONCERN! (:

2011-03-05T10:53:00.001+08:00

care too much?

ohkay, now you guys are on your own

good luck

_|_

read it,suck it

2011-03-05T10:17:00.001+08:00

no choice already

hahaha, GG

2011-03-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

so i'm currently working at my drama school

and our neighbour is a production company

they have an eery light box just in front of my school

and it really freaks me out

my office front is slanted and facing the pavement nearest the stairs

so technically i am staring straight at the badly thought-up name of the company

bloody hell, it's eery on its own, even more when lit up

and i DO NOT think it's art-sy fart-sy or whatever they were trying to get across

i mean, if you put it on your side i couldn't be bothered

but it is right smack in the middle and people are asking me if we are called that gawd-awful name

it doesn't even make sense

NV ER (the daughter in chinese)

plus, we place chairs outside of our school along the pavement

for parents to sit and wait for their kids

then these neighbours didn't even do much as ask

and just borrowed our chairS and placed them in front of their place

as though it's theirs

and they took all the newer nicer ones and leave us the older ones

they don't even take care of it

blatantly smoking and placing beer cans on our chairs

and having gathering sessions outside

using our chairs

WTF

adults can be so rude

and oen of them is an actor...

gosh, you suck at being a grown-up

-.-

2011-02-27T09:16:00.002+08:00

i hate my job

miserable as fuck

2011-02-26T01:12:00.002+08:00

arghicannotdrivefornutsfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

iwantmypiercingsandtattoosbutmightendupnotgettingthem

causeitisalltooexpensivefuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

arghicannotdrivefornutsfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

iwantmypiercingsandtattoosbutmightendupnotgettingthem

causeitisalltooexpensivefuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

arghicannotdrivefornutsfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

iwantmypiercingsandtattoosbutmightendupnotgettingthem

causeitisalltooexpensivefuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

2011-02-24T15:47:00.003+08:00

i've started reading GMH and KGMH avidly

and the little stories of love, faith and hope really touched my heart

i cried while reading the stories

and my heart warms up with so much faith in humanity

i am also reminded of my grandfather and my uncle

their care and concern for everyone has sincerely touched our souls

and their memories eternally be etched in our hearts and minds

2011-02-23T22:27:00.001+08:00

don't decide for me what i should and should not know

don't assume that there are certain parts to a truth i do and do not need to know

don't think an answer, give one

2011-02-22T12:26:00.001+08:00

i'm back to the green tea frenzy

so far, since i've sat my butt down at 9 am

i have been at it to my third cup

the only side effect i loathe

is that it makes me pee A LOT

2011-02-22T11:43:00.002+08:00

watched this episode with justin

and well, i got reminded of my grandpa

cried quite a bit

and when i was on youtube,

i chanced upon this video

and teared up again

this is truly the most moving performance by Chris Colfer

enjoy, and may my passed loved ones be forever loved and remembered