MY SUPER AWESOME 21ST BIRTHDAY

So, I started off by telling my friends and family that I don't plan to celebrate my 21st with an extravagant party and make it a huge deal. I even joked that my parents can save the money they will put aside for the party and give it to me to spend! I also joked to my friends that they should "donate" the money to me so I can go shopping. But ultimately, I just want to spend it simply with my friends on separate occasions, genuinely catching up and having fun. And they all did just that, will elements of surprise and flair!

Thursday, 21.03.2013

• My SIM gang, Wei Ming, Bryan, Zell and Jia Ling
• Korean BBQ
• The cover story: A quick get-together before their exam period

We were all happily eating spamming the awesome meat at the BBQ and having an awesome time.

I then conveniently excused myself to go to the rest room. They took the chance and got the cakes (yes! cakeS! 3 in fact...) and lit up candles.

I exited the restroom a little too soon and WM came over to give the others some time. And because WM gave too much time, when we finally returned to our seats, the rest were busy Instagram-ing my candle-lit cakes.

They sang at the top of their voices (my favourite style!) and we took photos, I made a wish and I blew out the candles. (:

We continued to attack the BBQ till closing time. Initially, we wanted to go to a mac to eat the cakes, but we ended up by the Clarke Quay river and we just talked, joked, laughed and ate cake!

Friday, 22.03.2013, Lunch

• A.S.H., Afiqa and Suhailah
• KFC
• The cover story: Lunch before heading off to work

I was supposed to meet only Susu because she was on the way back from school and then heading to work after, so it's just a quick lunch. Afiqa couldn't make it because she has "tuition". LIES, ALL LIES!

I walked into KFC, seeing the two girls smiling mischievously with SEVEN GORGEOUS HELIUM BALLOONS.

They sang me a birthday song as I approached them, way too obnoxiously (I love obnoxious birthday-song singing!!!) and attracted all the attention of fellow patrons. They brandished their latest evil idea, a birthday card that's cut up into small pieces and I had to piece it together like a puzzle.

They got me a purple, butterfly clasp wallet from Accessorize (love!) and of course, the balloons!

I went so crazy doing the puzzle and also hacked their heads off! THE BEST PART WAS THE BALLOONS, I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS RUNNING AROUND WITH MY BALLOONS!!!

WHEEEEEEEE!

Friday, 22.03.2013, Dinner

• BB Girl, Lydia
• Antoinette (Palais Renaissance)
• The cover story: Just dinner

I left work thinking I was just going to meet Lydia for a simple dinner. But no! I'm finally part of her grand, epic, clue-searching Amazing Race. A cardboard sign with my name and a QR code was stuck to a public railing.

I initially missed it and she had to text me to "keep an eye on the railings". I backtracked and found it. I didn't have a QR scanner so I had to download right there and then. Once it was all done, I scanned the code and got my first clue.

Her little race got me to town, then TopShop @ Knightsbridge, 313 and finally Antoinette.

Her gifts were a black lace dress and nude heeled pumps (picked out by me) and a beautiful stalk of rose.

Dinner was posh and yummy too!!!

Saturday, 23.03.2013, Lunch

• My family and Jeremy
• Buffet Town (Raffles City)
• No cover story

So, after much effort, I got my Mommy and Skinny out of the house and into a cab to bring us to Buffet Town. There, we met my cousin and her boyfriend, and of course, Jeremy! My elder brother came slightly later and my Daddy came after work. The food there was generally alright but the spread was quite impressive. I think it was more important that I got to spend my time with my family, although my two aunts couldn't make it. We laughed, joked and just had a wonderful time!

I also got gifts from my cousin, her boyfriend and my two aunts (passed to by via my cousin).

I got a PURPLE Coach Card Holder/Wallet (dubbed wallet jr.) and ang pows from the 3 ladies.

SO AWESOMEEE. My Mommy offered to get me the traditional gift of jewelry/key, but I turned it down because I don't wear jewelry all that often. My parents are getting me a brand new macbook

anyway! (:

Jeremy (he gets his own portion because he is awesome and I am biased)

He treated me like a Princess for the entire day! (Actually he always treats me like a princess, HEEHEE.) We watched a midnight screening of Snitch (which was kinda awesome and badass). Had lunch at Genki Sushi and did some really Singaporean things there. We walked and spent a lot of the day just talking and making each other laugh. We had pho at Nam Nam which was really yummy as well! His mega-amazing surprise was taking me to go ride the Singapore Flyer!!! We took loads of photos and I gave him loads of hugs and kisses because it was such a sweet and fun surprise!

BUT the single, most awesome birthday gift I got from him during my 21st was the video he put together. He tricked me into thinking that it was just a random video he chanced upon and saved to show me. I plugged in the earphones and pressed play. A black screen appeared and it just seemed so weird and unreal as I read the words. Then he came onto the screen and I just bawled.

Jeremy started this project about a month ago. He contacted as many friends of mine he knew, and got them to help pass on the message. He asked for them to video down their well wishes and sent them to him. He compiled them and created this really touching and super unexpected video collage. Everyone on the video were so lovely and amazing and just filled with so much love and friendship. I was just crying like a baby.

And while I was busy watching the video, Jeremy disappeared and came back with my gift. A gorgeous UKELELE!

I had always wanted one and he gave me just that. I can now sway around in my grass skirt as I strum the ukelele like a true Hawaiian. AWESOME! (: (: (:

All in all, my friends and family and boyfriend are lovely, awesome and just simply amazing! I am so blessed and touched by their thoughts and action. I am truly contented to have such wonderful friends who shower me with so much love and attention. I am honestly the most lucky person! *heart* I love all my friends and my family. BIG BIG LOVE! *heart heart heart*

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.- Author Unknown

I've never loved my body enough to take good care of it. All the "care" that I've ever shown my body was by rule and force. I has never been a case of "because I want to be healthy, I shall be". I've never deprived myself of a chocolate bar or a pint of beer. Whatever I crave, I consume. I've never stopped to think about the consequences it will have on my body.

I've never condoned bone-baring skinny, and any eating disorders. I know and have seen people with eating disorders and I feel sorry for them and apologetic. I feel that I'm part of a social movement that aims to irradicate "fatness" and gross standards of beauty and image. I am not perfect-looking but I give mindless comments about how a random stranger looks fat or chubby. I exclaim how I look bloated in a certain outfit, and how I need to go on a diet. All this passing comments may not mean anything to me, but it is unconsciously feeding the movement of "Barbie: Good, Ugly Betty: Bad". I am not proud of it.

I saw myself one day, in the changing room of a store. I saw how badly I've let myself go. An immense wave of regret, guilt, disgust and sadness hit me. It hit home so hard, I couldnt breathe. How could I let myself down like that? I used to have a dancer's physique, and an athlete's strength and endurance. Now, the thought of running scares me. I'm not as flexible I used to be. I'm embarrassed to wear certain clothing because I look bad in them. I'm no longer confident with my image and my body.

I've chosen tasty junk food over a body that's healthy and gives me confidence. I see people on the streets and exclaim that I want to look just like them, but I've never made the effort. Don't I love myself enough to make a little sacrifice and a change in my lifestyle to be happier, healthier and more confident?

I want the abs, I want the cut on my biceps, I want the flexibility, I want the toned thighs, I want the healthy tan, I want the slim firm calves, I want the strength, I want a better me, Hazel 2.0.

It will happen. Slowly, but surely. This is my commitment. I don't want to feel so disgusted with myself.

I want to be clear. I want to be healthy. Not thin and still starving myself. Nor do I want to be overweight and juggling high blood pressure, diabetes and/or high cholesterol. I want my health and a physique to boot. 

I will learn to love myself.