falling sick sucks

slacking prior to exams suck too

everything sucks

i'm craving a late night snack

but i also know i have to go sleep soon

otherwise i will not wake up in time for school

damn my body clock

it has been such a long time since i've updated on this space. and this time i'm back because i need to get things off my chest and it will be incoherent, it will be messy (ie topics jumping back and forth with no links whatsoever), it will be grammatically incorrect, and it will be painful to read, to say the least.

joining the army has been something that's been in my life for as long as i can remember. there was a period of time when i actually didn't think about it and actually thought that i will pursue something else, something totally unrelated to the army and serving the nation. but then i entered jc, a step in my life that i believe changed me in a really big way. there, i slowly grew up and physically mentally and emotionally experienced what it is to grow up and start living in the real world. yes, you may think that i'm exaggerating and that i know shit about the real world. but we all perceive things differently, so get off my back. one day, there was a career talk, and what a surprise, i attended the army recruitment talk. there, they shared about all three branches of the military: the navy, air force and the army. from that moment on, i was sold. after that, i grew more and more determined to enter that force and do my part, however small it may be. however, from that day till now, i've met so more obstacles and "don't join the army la" than i can count. and as strong-headed as i am, i'm daunted and i'm crushed. so many people believe that i'm not cut out to be in the army, so many people shoot me down even before i was given the chance to try. there is nothing you can never get out of. nothing, except death. and to some, the army is a death sentence, but not to me. this is my dream we're talking about, it's my choice we're discussing. not yours and definitely not your life. yet all these people are forcing onto me their thoughts and beliefs. and so what if i'm not cut out for the army, so what if my perception of the army is not what it really is? let me go, let me learn, let me fail. so that i will know. and if i come out of my contract even more crushed and proving you right, i will be more the wiser. i'm not looking for a fairytale ending or a perfect scenario. i just want to do what i believe i want.

at the end of the day, i choose to put it behind me. i choose to not pursue it. i choose to put my future family, my future lifestyle before weeks of overseas operations and outfields and camou on. it will remain more of a fantasy than an actually goal.

ohkay, i lost all motivation to blog, wtf. shall end here.