it's happening again

it's JC all over again

i've no appetite

yet i eat like on normal days

or sometimes more than on normal days

i can't sleep but i'm tired

my thoughts are erratic and incoherent

i am losing hope

and every single thing just seem

too mundane for me to care

it's happening again.

due to my poor attendance,

partly due to skipping lessons and also being late

i was issued a letter that i was not allowed to take my exams

but then prior to that, i made an appeal

and thus is able to bump my attendance up within the safe zone

now i'm just worried that the admin side is not sharing the info

and i might still be unable to take the exams

it's not helping that the examination entry slip

only comes out the day before my paper

ohhh fuckkk

in other news,

my CA results are in and i seriously expected all As

not because i'm cocky or being a smart alec

but because i sincerely feel that i deserved it

and have put in more effort this semester compared to the other semesters

but to get a B for microeconomics is just so disheartening

but what the heck,

i have to take what i'm given

exams around the corner

and i have zero motivation to study

it isn't helping that skinny is done with his

and is trolling around all day

just playing on his laptop and skyping his friends

sitting around all day and eating junk

AND STILL BE SO EFFING SKINNY

fml

should i regret chopping my hair off?

some days i do

i mean, it's so easy to fall back on my long hair

that even on bad hair days don't come close to the shit i have now

and it's so safe and easy

i don't even need to look in the mirror

and i know i don't look that bad, at least hair wise

so easy to pull it into a ponytail

or a braid or just let it down and blow in the wind

now, i wake up every morning

fussing over my train wreck of a hair

wishing it would just grow out long enough

for me to fuss less about

i need to do something about it

or i swear i will lose it

and chop it all off again

sudden motivation to get my old body back

after accompanying carr to her practise

now i just hope this motivation will last

good karma

i helped an ah ma on the bus

and then nice people kept popping up

one uncle drove me to a bus stop

cause i was walking in the rain in an industrial place

another was really when i was getting out of my seat in the bus

and then a lady held me when i was stumbling in the bus

with no hands available to hold any hand pole

or the hanging thingy

good karma is so awesome!