i am no baby

but we have this trust (:

the biggest obstacle for a marathon runner

is knowing how to pace himself

like in any relationship;

if you were to go full steam ahead at the start

you will end up losing control and losing out

cause you lose the spark and you lose everything

-james

finally, you say something that makes sense

and that i can relate to

i can't get the song outta my head

cause it's singing my tune

what is wrong?

what is wrong with us?

how we all wish our lives ran like dvds

where we can pause at the good parts

fastforward the horrible parts

rewind to the good old times

and skip the boring/redundant parts

where we can select our favourite parts

and replay the awesome parts

now; i just wanna skip the JC part of my life

cause i keep getting sucked in

photo-deprived;

so here goes

i miss A.S.H.

MEET UP SOON! (:

K4 girls; what memories

what pain we've gone through

WE HAVE PLANS! (:

no, i DID NOT finish all that!

mr ang's 32nd!

get well soon!

less than three

not alot; but better than NOTHING

you, YES YOU!

not even drunk; yet you at in a stupor

love stupor

yes, as much as i want to shake you hard and scream FUCK YOU in your face,

i won't

i don't know how to help you, nor do i know how to speak around you anymore

sigh, i'm fucking useless and all i can say is that my heart aches to see you like so

i spoke, he chided, i felt ashamed

i sat, i pondered, i thought it through

we sat,we spoke and we stroked a deal

and now, i think i'm ready to try again

taking a step in; i hope i can pull through

i'm good with comfortable;

cause i really don't have the strength to do anything about it

pathetic yes,

but what can i, a mere mortal do?

no longer am i stronger than my mind

no longer am i anchored to my goal

no longer am i insatiable

i am now happy with being nonchalant and ignorant and a fool

i just wished i was so earlier on in life

then i won't be so disappointed with myself

then i won't feel absolutely guilt-ridden for having to do so to my parents

but then even these factors aren't strong and powerful for me to wake up

what a loser/failure/whatever-not

i am good with comfortable

demons and monsters are ever-present in our lives

they can come in many different forms

but we will still fear it all the same

someone once said

that to move on and accept things for what they are,

we must learn to fear, to be afraid and to be in doubt

before we can learn to understand the true meaning of letting go

no matter how many times we see failure

and no matter how much setbacks we come across

we have to be strong and we must face up to them

face up to these demons and stare them in their faces

however hard it may be

however toiling the battle may be

however strenuous the walk may be

it is the belief in your being that will bring you far

words can seem to create a thousand feelings

forge a million bonds

and lift a billion spirits

but can it pick my one sole faith?

falling deeper than i can manage

falling deeper all i wish for is to continue to fall

this never-ending quicksand is sucking me in

sinking deep i just want it to stop

this bottomless pit i seem to have fallen through

i just can't seem to pull it through

I JUST CAN'T

i don't know what is going on with me

math makes me suicidal

and studying is just so blah

i can't stand it

i feel like a fucking loser

no aim no goal no future

and the worst thing is;

i'm doing nothing to turn the tables

just cause i've no will and drive

fuck you hazel

my life has been a downward spiral

ever since my canoeing career ended

although there are people close to me who are going through worse

but we're all knee-deep in our own problems

why can't life just be a little easier

easier for us?

human beings have insatiable wants and desires

what's yours? [tag it!]

[like anyone reads your blogs, and even bothers to la -.-]

mine is to get my life back;

hell yes it's a want

gratitude and honour

having faith and disappointment

intimidated;

when everyone around you is so certain of what they want

what they are aiming for

what paths they are paving to make way into the future

and when i'm the only one left

all alone,uncertain and afraid

i'm like a wandering bottle out at sea

floating and bobbing along as the waves brings me

unlike the anchors that will always find shore

i am incapable of finding my goal

goal-less/aim-less/aspiration-less

SCREWED

i just can't seem to speak to you

we always end up quarrelling

can't you just take time out to listen

it's ohkay if you don't listen to me

but listen to yourself

you're contradicting you

argh much -.-

many thoughts flooding my mind

and i really want to pen [type, really] it all out

friday was bitter sweet?

it felt horrible that i am no longer capable of a proper run

how disappointing

staying in school was such a bad idea

seeing all the other ccas training hard for their various competitions

and i was just sitting around

it really tugged at my heartstrings

it sucks that IT is all over

in a blink of an eye,

the end, once seemingly far away, has come and gone

and i am still in shock/disbelief/denial

it's never EVER going to be the same again

i'm never going to be training with my teammates again

and the feeling sucks

i was staring at the track and

i just proclaimed i would give anything to do silent jumpjacks at that moment

moments after crossing the line

and i was thinking this is it

i won't ever get to train with my team again

it hit so hard

talking was great

though not for you, but i gotta thank you for listening despite

it's true, ernest brought back the memory of yasser

oh how pathetic?

no way will ernest be the same as yasser,

both great in their own right

but both were just...

passion or desperate chance of holding on

i don't know

but i will restrain and refrain

i don't want to upset mka

and i don't wanna spoil mka's "impression" of me

see so many things happened

and don't get me wrong,

i'm alright, fo shizzle

just having thousands of thoughts and memories

racing through my mind

hold on & stay strong

for He has plans for both you and me

He closes one and opens another

take faith babe

complaining gets you no where

if you don't like it;

then don't do it