canoeing;my life

gotta get it right!

gotta excel so much!

putting all my "nearly-there"s

all my "nearly-perfection"s

to good use in my canoeing

gotta make a name outta myself

rowlikehell

it's been awhile since i last had no sleep

stayed up the whole night to complete my work

but got nowhere close cause i just don't get it

was really shag

but not to the extent of walking-zombie mode

but when it hits night time

i'm just floating through

not really aware what's going on

falling.a.sleep

i have come to realise that i can't always rely on the people around me

be it the team,my friends,or my family

i do not mean this in a negative way

because i do appreciate their concern very much

but there are some battles you have to fight alone

like in work or just against your self-weakness

these are battles help from others will not help

help from others might even bring about harm to no one but yourself

hence,one has got to learn to be strong and stand on his own two feet

brave the winds and life's natural barriers

i have FAITH that i can survive

i caught les choristes AGAIN!

it was awesome!

i guess i love stories with meaning

like freedom writers,penelope,stepup

these movies i can watch over&over and never get sick of

cause they all teach us a common lesson

and that is:

to work hard towards our dream;

and we will make a difference

this is really the second time i feel so strongly for something

the first was ballet,but the passion...

let's not talk about it

canoeing;i don't know why,

but it feels like i really want it

could be because of the team;

could be because of the seniors

the seniors just send such awesome vibes of determination

like they're practically thirsty for the win

and it just flows out from them

and i make me wanna be like them

but,of course,i have a LONG way to go before i even reach half of their standard

constantly being pushed and broken down

i admit i have thoughts of giving up

and just walking out

but then it hits me that this is how one learns and grows

only why to improve is to fall and stand up again

seeing all the effort and determination oozing out from the seniors

i really question myself if i am cut out for this

cause i just don't see myself in any position like them in a year's time

anditscaresme

will i be able to stand up

look at my falls as learning experiences?

i've been teaching kids;

younger than me;

who look up to me;

that they should not believe in failure

but view them as learning experiences

however,having experience such feat

it is not a down-hill walk

but an uphill hike

and it's not easy

but things take time,

and i will learn to wipe away the blood and pain

and stand up looking,feeling,believing that

I AM STRONG

"wipe 'em tears,no more nightmares"

i can't freaking do math!

it's either cause i'm dumb

or because i'm stupid

ijustcan'tdoanythingright

today was,

a long,intense day

i shall not elaborate about it

but thankYOUS team for being there for me

you all really opened up my eyes

and i'm thankful for your support

i know i screwed up;

but i'll push and do my best

just bear with me (:

i just wanna get it over with

so screw over bitch

you're so not worth it!

thankYOUS people!

you are all LOVED (:

"somebody turn the lights on;

somebody tell me what's wrong"

youhaveissues

ithurts,itbloodyfuckinghurts

butlikeyou'dcare

shutupdaddy

你讨厌我,

sobeit

getouttamaface!

when it comes to math;

my brain doesn't register

so i feel like the dumbest girl ever

idon'tgetmath

me&lydia darling!

[picture from friday's outing;more to come!]

the girl you see in the picture has been there for me;

pushing me always in canoeing

loves her loads!

11 months and counting to our turn!

let's go darling canoeing mates!

seeing the seniors work so hard

two years,some three

for the few minutes on the water

it brings to mind a something someone once told me

"台下十年工，台上十秒钟"

it really boils down to how much you really want it

and i really want it

but i have my doubts;

i doubt myself and my abilities

because i've seen myself fail

despite working and training so hard

it's just eating me alive

apologies,for yet another emo post

imagine sleeping at one plus

and waking up at 6 plus to attend S.I.T.

outrageously tiring

the turn out was...

FUNNY!

only me and ezzati

seems,only we knew

oh wells,we ran 4km

then went to "swim"

but ended up playing and talking

had a fun time

but ended up tiring myself out

but i'm ready to work really hard!

GOTTA:

1)get my As

2)achieve my best in canoeing

3)probably get my grade 6 certificate for piano

4)achieve our 3year plan for drama

5)find a dance school!

loads to do,so little time!

it's time to get disciplined! (:

GO HAZEL GO!

when the food ban was broken;

there was silence

then a huge whoop of cheers and screams

while some went for ice creams,

lydia and i went home

then we met up again

and the food marathon begins;

first stop: macs/kfc

second stop: pretzels&ice cream

third stop: pricey desserts at nydc

and of course loads of camwhoring went on

here,there&everywhere!

we were one loud group of kids who are so exciting

and having so much fun

we looked like tourists!

note: guys,we GOTTA be more decisive kae?

(:

fun ended at 12 midnight;

food ban's BACK

4 days of nationals are over

and we did an awesome job

now it's up to us to maintain

and probably push forward the standard

somehow,

i have a sinking feeling that i won't be able to achieve such standards

like i'll let the team down

and it hasn't even started

i guess i'll have to work so much more harder

and i will strive to do my upmost best

i'm so happy for the senior team

really!

(:

as of the second before;

i've moved on

i won't look back;

i won't fall back;

into the trap that locked me in

closed in on me,

it took too long

but since i'm out,

i won't retrace my steps;

for i am stronger

i've learnt my lesson (:

replies;

13 Apr 09, 22:09 zhen: cheer up darling! ((: miss you!! ^.^

zidan: thanksYOUS! i miss you too!!!

14 Apr 09, 18:00 iqa: hey babe! dropping by to say.......CHEER UP!! and stay strong! YOU GO GIRL! 

hazel: i will! (:

16 Apr 09, 00:24 y|ng x|: woah.. hugz! we're here.. =)

zidan: thanksYOUS! (:

PW is driving me nuts!

"look at the problem from a different angle"

WHAT ANGLE?!

gosh!i'm so hopeless at this!

i think my mom is powerful

just when i was feeling low,

she came to me and asked why i'm feeling down

parents,they never fail to surprise me! (:

i love you mommy <3

i don't know what drew me;

i don't know what caught me;

i don't have an answer;

i've fallen

down,deep,broken

pick me up;

they all tried;

but nothing worked;

no more vices;

i've fallen

down,deep,gone

it's raining now;

just like how i'm feeling

fucked up&screwed up

my life is a screw up

well,for now

the silent battle hasn't even started

and it's over

i've lost to a faceless opponent

hands-down

this is the life of failure

ohkay...we look ghostly WHITE!

light plays a huge role here,hence the patched nose

alien brother

evil looking me! (:

je souris, mais je blesse à l'intérieur

et vous ne saurez jamias

who doesn't go out on a pubic holiday?

me!

supposed to wake up at 4.30 today to 扫墓 (tomb-sweep)

but i couldn't wake up

i feel really bad la

then,when i finally do wake up,

i was just not in the mood to go out

sick and lethargic

like a sick little girl

there's still meeting later

i'm so dreading this shit

sigh~

all hopes gone;

i'm on my own

ce qui a semblé être la meilleure chose qui s'est produite, était seulement une imagination établie sur des espoirs faux et des rêves

tired out,gotta get some rest then get at it again

go hazel!

i won't let you guys affect me,

i am my own person,

i admit that sometimes i can get a little offensive

but the root of it all is you guys

it's just a simple case of you get me or you don't

i'm willing to change,

but are you guys?

when you're tired,

drink COFFEE-MILO!

a new concoction i came up with! (:

it works WONDERS! (:

now,back to work

i'm got the gonna-get-sick feeling

but i never get sick,

well rarely

feeling is horrid

like second to being sick la

and when i do fall ill,

i'm like in a dying state,

so both are no good

blah~

for the seniors,

sorry fiona&all the other seniors;

i was indeed a disappointment

i will get better

i will

thankyou nicholas;

for encouraging me

and being patient with me

thankyou yaojie;

for reminding me about jumping outta my boat

despite my efforts,

i'm still not good enough

this calls for more hard work!

go hazel go!

just standing on the track,

i'm already panting and

feeling like i just ran 2.4km

we were all so tired that we didn't good

and well,i feel so guilty

this sucks ):

suddenly so tired

it's insane,

it's weird,

don't like the feeling of it

but i can't help it

):

training is getting tougher by the day

and sometimes it seems impossible to achieve and complete

but when you're doing it with you team,

the task seems to get a little easier

cheering each other on,

helps TRUCKLOADS!

(:

let's go pjc canoe team

LET'S GO!

I LOVE THIS PICTURE!

ezzati,bainy

canoeing teammates are LOVED (: