i wanna do so many things now

run to the beach

drink like i have the world's weight on my shoulders

scream and punch so fucktard

smash some glass

shop like a millionaire

i just wanna say i don't care

i expected it

but a part of me still held out

hoping it might change

but no, i didn't

and YOU,

you have a choice,

you might have a say

but you are so set that it's doesn't make a difference

if you're so pissed at the world and everyone

then i don't have anything to say to you

you have a chance

I DON'T

fuck it/fuck this

time is running out

and i am nowhere near being ready

i am so done for

this is gonna be an easy loss

GO TO HELL HAZEL

if only i have to guts

if only...

your smile is powerful

it turns my legs to jelly

oh i like you

but you never seem to notice

the fact that i can count the days on my hands,

the pressure and stress and nerves are becoming extremely overwhelming

just crushing me under its weight

i wanna say fuck this and leave

but i don't wanna nor do i choose to

because...

you should see what i ate today

i can feel the fats accumulating

with every single bite

gawd!

i hate swimming!

ankles popping

what a christmas

-.-

he lied

hell doesn't end

):

i feel damn awful

on the brink of getting sick

sigh, on christmas

sad shit

everyday,

i die and then get resurrected

it's seriously WORSE than hell

but today's programme was the sex!

[please pardon the crudeness]

值得高兴

(:

couldn't help smiling although my arms were about to fall off

on a sad note;

i can't help but think about it

no matter how hard i try

):

(: + ): = |:

first thing we said,

"uncle, can you take us to the nearest KFC"

WTF?!

learn to speak baby talk

just double up!

(:

today is a crappy day

but starbucks cheered me up a tad

the walk after was (: too

sigh, but after that was crappy

the pain is excruciating

i swear

):

seriously,

i can't wait for next week

when christmas comes!

(:

i miss it

oh-so-much

):

"nothing, nothing i can do

to keep my heart away from you

i can't help it

i can't tell you how much i try"

-try [original] melissa polinar

today was _______

actually, i'm surprised how i could endure so long

had fun tonight!

thank you!

no recipe book

[mommy loaned it to her friend]

i'll have to rely on memory

idiot

it's so hard to hold on

when there is nothing/no one to reach out to

i'm guilty

how can i be so clumsy

i want optimus prime back

sorry mr a

i guess i shouldn't use it anymore

PUSH

we gotta push ourselves so much harder

even i'm not pushing hard enough

i feel shitty everytime

yes, i'm shag at the moment

but then when i'm on the bus home

i'm thinking whether i could have done better

PUSH

can't wait for this to be over

this has been the longest yet

soon soon!

then time with the team will make it better!

(:

should i should i not

tough question

one tough cookie

i'm always posting short posts nowadays

citrus acid is enough to remind me of my blisters

my left hand is honestly rotting

gawd!

news is smiling-inducing

(:

i need more of what i can't get

it's something i need to build

it's something i need so bad to gain

argh!

today was made better at the end

when we all started singing

it was fun

(:

can't wait!

welcome to hell week

can't wait for the week to end

another day; another reminder how far we are

please let this be worthwhile

pain/sore/ache

gawd,

feeling like a pussy -.-

"you're doing a great job!

come on, awesome!

just keep moving!"

down&out

gotta stop thinking about it

courage;

i need but i don't have

my heart dropped

i swear i wished i could be alone

and i played the same song over and over again

trying very hard to defy gravity

and keep my tears in my eyes

don't

today's morning was epic

not a good thing

but still epic

一山还有一山高

i truly understand

selfless/selfish

only a thin line of difference

where do you stand?

my left hand was put through hell

tomorrow will be, please pardon me,

orgasmic

i have sinned

my left hand is in very very bad shape

i don't even wanna touch it

OUCH!

when we were young,

we thought we were invincible

as we grow older

we start to feel inferior

we blindly build up our egos

just so we can second guess our own capabilities

after all this war

what's left is a vulnerable being

waiting to be healed

by what had shot it down

pure talent or sheer persistence

the hunt goes on

being at macr everyday

knowing that thomson plaza is so bloody near

and the fact that i haven't been there for so long

knowing that i'm not there dancing

stings a million times worse than any sprint set

or gym session

i wanna cry so bad

books are so much better than real life

because they always have happy endings

despite all the obstacles and upset

the main character ends up happy and all problems solved

so much for chick lit cheering you up

|:

i never thought this will turn into anything more

now, more than ever,

i'm craving for so much more

time and time again

back down hazel, back down

if you don't put in the effort,

why bother complaining?

i skipped gym today cause i can't even hear myself speak

my whole head all the way to my neck feels choked

more of stuffed and filled

that i feel like my head is about to explode

i kept drifting between sleep and reading my book

every time i woke up,

i'll wash up and walk around the house

eating meals just so i can eat my medicine

horrible way to spend my weekend

missed gym

and cancelled piano

not very good to go out and cough

so yes

walked around the house as exercise

-.-

today today today

was really coughing like i was gonna die

blisters are really hurting

my hand looks really gross now

anyway,

went to see a doctor cause i had to

all the best! (:

wanna but don't wanna

HAA

i really hated how he threatened me

fuck you

my respect for you is zero

today was a sucky day

maybe it's a bad day for everyone?

i don't know for sure,

but i do know it sucked for me

training programme was disgusting

endurance plus speed and strength

killa combination man!

another incident that peeved me

was ahem and idiot

why can't you see that i'm really trying my best to change?

i know it is annoying to see me repeat my mistakes

but i swear on my life

that I'M TRYING MY BEST TO CHANGE!

it's a few months worth of muscle memory

that i can't change in one or two trainings

what's more, when i'm already on the receiving end of ahem's wrath

i really don't need to have idiot breathing down my neck

so piss off!

GRRR

new paddle = 7 huge blisters!

hate it

but today is not entirely an awful day

(:

mommy says my throat is infected

just cause there was traces of blood

really?

training/studying/training/studying

oh yeah, it's helluva ride!

horrid horrid night

one of the worse nights i had

running a fever is not cool

and i remember when i was young,

i wished i would get sick

so i can cut school

oh, what naivety

fever wasn't gone in the morning

although i was effing weak in gym

the fever wore off

thank god!

sent of the bitch king/sai kang warrior

can't say i won't miss him

haha, bon voyage?

(:

afiqa bought a camera today

awesome!

and i saw the coloured holga

[one of my desired item]

and the whole package is $110

saving saving saving

lesson learnt today;

when you see waves too big to overcome,

DON'T move

carmen darling! (:

*wink wink*

GAHHH!

why are we subjected to experiencing

this kinda emotional roller coaster?

this is a classical example to show

how bottled up feelings and opinions

cause lead to something so drastic

but i have to admit,

i never regretted my decision to leave

ultimately, the talk was a good move

if it haven't been for the brother

i guess we would have ended on a sour note

and things might escalade to something worse

i guess things happen for a reason?

and we didn't purposely ignore your calls mr a,

we were just scared q:

i hate being a girl

argh

did k2 with lydia today at kallang

a very very bad thing

we are so unused to each other

that we keep capsizing

SORRY LYDIA!

haven't rowed in a k2 since before women's champs

so i suck big time

felt damn bad cause i did contribute majorly to the capsizing

):

and we also hogged the toilets

and then the np people gave up waiting for the toilets

sorry! q:

painting nails are difficult

i screwed mine up so much

grrr -.-

don't know how kow does it

KOW! i freaking miss you and jinjin and xixi

gawd, been so long since i've actually seen all of you!

):

please,come 30th

heard an 'ang moh' say this

"clarke quay for me, is like las vegas"

REALLY?!

haha

me trip to the hospital was the most horrendous experience ever

no, it's not about the long waiting time and bad service,

in fact, the staff there were very helpful and tried to attend to the patients in the shortest time

what really got me were some patients and those who accompanied the patients

i saw a few incidents that really caused me much anger

we were at a clinic that was filled with ALOT of people

and quite a number of wheelchairs

with so much fragility, i would think that everyone there would really be more aware of their surroundings

but i was wrong

they are little selfish pricks that only think of themselves

really, what's with the oblivion and ignorance that engulfs people these days?

i was really saddened by the fact that our society has befallen such selfishness

but an incident i witness today

after all this drama, really gave me a little hope of a courteous society

a wheelchair-bound man was waiting his turn

and he was tucked into the corner so as not to block the corridor

his wife left, probably for the toilet or something

and he was called in,

but he was incapable of getting to the room

as first, he was stuck in a corner

and second, he had to maneuver through a throng of people and other wheelchairs

so as i was standing up to offer help,

a man stood up, offered help and got the man into the room

not only that, but when the wife came back and was really worried that her husband was gone

he went over to inform her that he had gone in

and brought her to the room

what a nice man

now, that is being helpful

gym sucked today

i swear

we pressed at what we injured

can you say ouch any other way?

just 2 hours after and the pain kills

my core is screaming

and my whole left arm lost it's ability

i can't even lift up a fork

yes, hazel is out

i hate school

but, I HATE MATH MORE!

hatred for math comes naturally to me

school is like hell now

i literally stone in lectures

and float through the day

yes, life sucks

i can't wait for school to end

time really flies

damn, i'll be in year two next year

weird feeling

never thought i'll come this far

tout ce que je pense est que vous

crushing sucks

I GOT A NEW PAIR OF HAVAINAS!!!

(:

oh yeah,

i'm always the bad guy

spotted some goodlooking/cute guys on reel

check them out!

who: osric chau

starred in: 2012

played: nima

(couldn't get a better photo tho)

who: johann urb

starred in: 2012

played: sasha

who: james marsden

starred in: 27 dresses

played: kevin doyle

who: nicholas braun

starred in: minutemen

played: zeke

courage to want

look at the bags of clothes!!!

went shopping with elbro in the late afternoon

the huge rain sorta screwed my mood

but shopping with my brother changed it

first spotted this taylor swift wannabe on the bus

the hair was !!! but the person is a GUY

[yes, total ZOMG moment!]

so HE bought:

TWO shirts [button down] from FCUK and Topman

ONE polo from River Island

ONE long-sleeve top from River Island

and ONE gorgeous watch FCUK

and I bought:

ONE hoodie from Topshop [ohkay, brother paid for it!]

and ONE flannel top from Topshop

LOVE THE TRIP

LOVE THE BROTHER MORE!

not cause he paid for the hoodie

but he is a good shopper and we share good taste

and he's fun to be around (:

class BBQ was fun!

but all the food made my programme useless

could feel my fats build up

gosh!

i need to run/exercise/train

pictures pictures pictures

too bad i don't have facebook

HAA

our deepest fear;

is not that we are inadequate

our deepest fear;

is that we are powerful beyond measure

-akeelah and the bee

contradiction and irony

contradiction and irony

contradiction and irony

contradiction and irony

contradiction and irony

OH YES,

YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON

TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY

YOU ALWAYS GET ME

PW IS OVER.

YES, over for awhile

but internet was being difficult,

so i can only post today

YAY!

OP IS IN FIVE HOURS!

i'm nervous but ready to have my go at it

i've only one shot

my group and i have come a long way

working on this project for the past few months

and now,

THIS IS IT!

the flash of thunder

rendered the deep dark black sky

a soft velvet violet backdrop

beautiful

GUYS CAN ALWAYS MAKE GIRLS CRY.

BUT IF A GIRL CAN MAKE A GUY CRY,

SHE MUST REALLY MEAN SOMETHING TO HIM

didn't get to post yesterday night

was too tired -.-

am in class now, spending the 1st hour of pw

with independent studies

put teens and laptops together and this is what you get

when things don't go your way

you only got two options

push it away

or face up to it

i choose to push it away

ohkay, you can call me a pussy

I'M LOSING STUFF RECENTLY

I THINK THERE'S AN EVIL SPIRIT

or maybe i'm just messy

i'll go with the first one (:

i love it when you smile;

want to bring you on my favourite ride;

to enjoy a picnic at the beach;

be crazy and wacky while on the way to the movies,

with cotton candy and bubblegum;

you always make me smile

sudoku/freecell/fml/blogs/cable tv

this are all the things i do when i'm free

gosh!

no wonder i'm fat

gotta get get [x3]

gotta ger get get get

some exercise!

IT'S OVER;

OH YEAH, IT'S OVER!

(:

coffeebean with afiqa

as usual,

large mocha ice blended with whip cream

and small banana chocolate ice blended with whip cream

aches and pains

my brother had to poke me

but he then helped massaged my arm

but then kept saying that it won't help

only remedy: rest it

HAA! not gonna happen nor allow

let's just hope the ankle wrap will work

aches and pains

yes!

it's raining!

gum boots and puddles!

if only...

on a lighter note,

caught julie&julia with jinxuan jie today

it was a great time

and the movie is really good [my opinion]

and i really hope i find a really awesome husband

like julia child found paul child

and julie powell found eric powell

hazel |ˈhāzəl|

nounlack of success
See also: weakling

it doesn't matter what people say

it doesn't matter when people say you'll fail

it doesn't matter when people ask you to give up

it doesn't matter when you scream you wanna give up

what matters is when you listen to your scream

and believe it should be heard

what matters is when you answer your scream and give up

I AM A FAILURE

FUCKING WEAKLING

a life without a life

the mask is wearing off

the calling is heard

i'm just ignoring it,

just so i can be where i am

what you said is right,

i totally agree with you

until they decide to make a change

we are just gonna be stagnant

but hurry! before the chance is gone

getting anal/heated/tired

need to get some timeout

need to get some sleep

my mom is trying to get me drunk

so i can sleep

feeding me tiramisu

[a really really strong alcoholic one we got from a italian restaurant]

but yeah,she's kidding

things that spin round and round and round

ferris wheel [london eye]

chair swing[i think]

ceiling fan

carousel

earth

wind mill

clock hands

cotton candy

anal day

anal weather

anal everything

money makes the world go round

and round and round and round

a FULL day of pw is just anal