ohkay,things aren't any better nor any worse.zul's getting cold and hot at times.really dunno what the fuck he's thinking.but i ain't goona let go just yet.i wanna really hear his side of the story.at least,i'll be the one who dumps him.haha.zann has stopped calling me "mimi",both of us(susu&me)think that she's inlove with him too,since she claimed so recently in front of...i forget,just one of the gals.haha.and i hear news of him and zann way too many times.my sources are reliable and i have no reason to doubt them.cause firstly,they are trustworthy,and they have no reason to lie.also,zann and him are just way too coincidental.but i find myself thinking of him most of the time.and he's acting hot and cold at times in school when we meet.however,there's a guy that i've been talking to this guy recently.kinda talk loads.the gals claim that i like him cause there are signs.but i ain't taking any of that.whatever it is,i believe its just platonic.and even if anything happens,i ain't gonna go anywhere further till i settle stuff with zul.

also,i was just freaking pissed and put off by the bad bad leadership skills of my president.he seriously sucks hell.he really cannot multi-task and he got a scolding from me.then the next day i let him known to the problems and what i thought.he just had the "orh" reply that seriously pisses me and the other vice.ain't he capable of anything other than "orh".i realised that no matter how hard i try,i just can't seem to work with him.and i really can't exist with him in the way.i believe that i'm feeling this way is most probably that i have been more on the successful side in my past leadership.and that's why i'm not used to this.i'm not jealous or upset that i'm not the president,actually happy that i'm not.but he really can't do the job.there are others who are way much capable to carry his position in the exco and i feel that the teachers had chosen him for the wrong reasons.he can be an asset to the team just not the leader.a leader have to possess more than only being able to take anything that comes in or against his stride.one must be able to lead others and commit to the pressure and the rest of the team.but unfortunately,we're stuck with him.

i'm thinking of dropping my post after the teachers' day celebrations and had planned to talk to one of the teachers.but i haven't found time.however,my friends all feel that its a waste to drop my post because of him.but i really dun want to be in the same team.i just can't work with him.also,others might feel that i am inappropriate as i can't even resolve the friction between us.really,i rather the negative remarks than stay and ruin my day for the rest of our service.also,i rather commit to something that i enjoy then to do things that will not benefit me in the future.also,i had not wanted this in the first place,therefore since teachers are not satisfied with my performance and i dun really want to commit to improve myself,i shan't waste their time as well as mine.also,the responsibility that encases itself in my post is something too much that i can handle and therefore,i do not feel that i deserve this post.also,i do thing with enthusiasm when i have passion in the task.as for the post,it has evolved from a passionate service to a dreaded chore.he sucks,it sucks.

ohkay,he called me like at around 9.30 pm from home.and i was damn shocked.i kinda wanna talk but also wanted to end it quick.we've been acting like complete strangers cause he is not acknowledging me.he called to ask for harris' number.

our coversation:

him: do you have harris' number?

me: yeah.i'll send you the business card kae? (small pause) bye.

him: wait... i'm not using that number now.so you have to tell me now.

me: erm,kae...

kae.if he aint using the number and he didn't tell me.well,thats so cool.i was upset la.maybe i came on too strong in the start.and maybe he really is a playboy.but whatever it is,he should just put me out of my misery.and i've learnt to be strong.whats meant to be will be la.so be strong hazel!

end.takkaire and sweet life.

ohkay,i was reading my old post (20th june) and realised i haven't talked about him like i promised.haha.so here goes...he's name is ryan and i j\used to like his lilbro and that's when i knew him.but his lilbro was just primary shit.anyway,so i liked him and we talked alot.but he doesn't know at first.then it got quite obvious and shit.during camp we talked for damn long and yeah...but it didn't work out.so i was emo for some time...

but then someone else came into the picture.he's malay and two years apart.it was fun hanging out la.but now he's mugging like shit so we aint talking much.but sometimes,i dunno if i'm doing the right things.you see,he used to be a matt and he's bad.but he's changed like hell (and fyi: he's model student in school kae?).but my friends (for my sake) told me things they saw with their own eyes.i mean i have no reason not to disbelieve them.they tell me, "once a playboy,alwyas a playboy".i dunno la.thats all for today.