you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

no i have fraking no interest in anything.but the show will go on.i freaking screwed up today and i'm just so upset with myself kae?can't do a simple role rite.the parents were like praising me saying i'm getting nicer and nicer but the director say i screwed up real bad....

haiz.

ok so i'm asked to do this survey... (: i'm sabo-ed by esther...)

NAME 13 OF YOUR CLASSMATES/FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW. BEST IN GIRLS AND BOYS; not in order.

1.weineng
2.esther
3.rachelle
4.jinxuan
5.yingxi
6.xiaojun
7.wilson.
8.qianhui
9.wenjie
10.yingjie
11.junying
12.jiaen
13.yunqi

How did you meet 10. ?
senior from yppae (:

What if you had never meet 1. ?
no godbro.no feelings for him (:

Have you seen 4. cry?
nope.but heard she cry before (:

Do you think 10. is cute?
hmmm...nope.she's pretty (:

How did you get to know 8. ?
junior from yppae (:

Would you ever go on a date with 12. ?
hmmm.friends date can.but won't happen yeah.not that close (:

What 7. favorite colour?
good question.i dunno.i'll ask! (:

What would you do if 6 express his/her love for you?
then i'll know she's les?stay friends bah. (:

Who is 4 going out with?
she's single...rite jie? (:

Who is 5 to you?
senior from yppae,someone i tell my stuffs to? (:

Would you ever live with 13?
maybe.if we're great friends la. (:

Is 2 single?
yup (:

What do you think about 3 ?
hmmm.she's my bestie and she's crazy at times.but usually the calmer one of the three of us.haha. (:

Whats the best thing about 8 ?
her frequent tendency to laugh for nothing. (:

What do you think you like about 11 ?
her talent to draw real nice animes. (:

Favorite memories with 6 ?
talking over suff and SHOPPING!!! (:

4 person to do this(i changed the number of people to choose) :
*jinxuan
*yingjie
*wilson
*jingyong
[ like esther,i dun think they'll do it... (: ]

anyway,today went to watch night at the museum.its damn funny la!i mean there's like so many things to laugh at la.haha.i strongly recommend it to everyone!!!and i think the guy playing as the egyptian pharoh(rami malek)is quite shuai.haha.anyway,really,you must watch it!!!and harry potter is coming put soon!!!anyone interested?


let's play FETCH!

haiz.today rain whole day.why's the world liddat?spread some rain to africa la.or some desert.or some place in the whole thats suffering drought.they need it more then singapore. (:

anyway,takkaire and peace out... (:

ok.so just a few minutes ago,there was a person outside my house and throwing stuff at my window.cause i stay double floors so the first level is like along the corridoor and my room de window is above the corridoor.so i thought is my elder bro cause he went out to party.but i was shocked that he's back so early.he will sometimes throw something at my window very late at night if he forgets his keys cause he doesn't wanna wake up the whole neighbourhood.you dunno how loud my bell is.its like from the ground floor also can hear the bell and i live on the 12th floor!so i decided to open the window of the study room.i was using the com.so i was kinda wondering what he's doing cause he should have seen the com lights on from the outside.so i just thought he was blind.i opened it and got the shock of my life!another guy as outside.and he was stunned when i opened the window.i was calm and asked he what he was doing and he was just too shocked for words.he then finally got himself back and said,"ummm...sorry."and he walked away.i was so ready to hurl vulgarities!thenhe turned away and kinda called for his friend.that perv!if i saw him again,i kick him where it HURTS!!!night and merry christmas!

its christmas and so here's me wishing everyone a BLESSED CHRISTMAS!STAY MERRY!!! (:

haiz,the holidays are still here,and its gonna be christmas soon.but i dun the tingling feeling you get when you know that the festival is starting.i'm just plain DOWN!haiz,its just probably him.

i really wanna tell him cause i really can't stand it.but i dun wanna risk it.but they're such things as treasure your loved ones,not after they left but when they are still around.i'm not saying he's gonna die soon or something(touchwood)but probably i'll never get the chance again.but i dun wanna risk him going all quiet and stuff right after he opened up a lil.and he has his big 'O's to concentrate on(not that i'm such a big influence).i really dunno.i wanna breakdown and cry.i just dun want the hols to end and the production to come to an end.cause then i'lltill be able to go for movies and see him during rehearsals.it's just difficult to come to a decision now.i'm at a forked road,one to forget him,one to carry on.half o me wants to forget him,half of me wants to carry on.forgetting will allow me to move on and not to suffer liddat.but if i wanted to forget him,i'll do it like long ago and not wait till now.but no one ever know how long it'lltake to forget a person.i wanna cary on but its just so difficult.he probably has a gf and you never know.he just treats you like a sister.haiz.i'm trash. ):

these few days if you realise thats its raining and you as wondering why,the answer is because i'm crying on the inside.i always believe that when it rains,it is actuallt beacause the angels saw (a)person/people who are upset or down or angry and they cry for them.thats why its been pouring for days.though its supposed to be the holiday and festive season,many things have taken place and i'm freaking down.i dunno why.however,today i'm freaking happy.haha.won't tell why here.but jinxuan,yingxi,xiaojun and some juniors know why.haha.i'm like smiling from ear to ear.haha.but still upset lingers somewhere inside still.nothing's prefect.not even one day,everything is prefect.but whatever it is,its still my life.

if you know who you are,this is for you.
i hope you're not the person i think you are(now).and if you are then i just bloodily wasted my time and effort on you.when you're upset,i went so find something that could possibly cheer you up.but you didn't even go and open it.its not that you asked me to do this and i'm not asking for something in repay.but at least open it.when you ask for advice,i gave you mine.i was never prejusticed nor was i biased.i never wanna interfere in your decision but you have to make the right choices and a choice you won't regret.there are times when you have to put others before self and there are times when you have to put yourself before others.to distinguish when to do what,you have to think who the victim is in the scenerio.for your current problem,i think its time to put yourself away and not think of your wants.you can't be selfish.thats all i have to say.

takkaire,smile always

peace (:

haiz.i dun care what others think.really i dun care.this is a free country.i can't stop others from thinking their own way.so the others also have no rights to stop me from expressing my opinions and feelings.i chose this media and so be it.i dun like doing face-to-face,too bad.(no offence feng)but its the end of discussion.drop the subject!

ok so yesterday i was emo.haha.i also dunno why sia.everytime also liddat.suddenly de.jinxuan jie reckons its moodswings.hmmm,dunno.yingxi jie reckons its pms.but it is long over and hasn't come.maybe its over that issue.haiz.apologies to esther who has been listening to my ranting about it.hmmm,its driving me nuts!!!

anyway,at yppae,being the seniors,we have to control the noise level and stuff.but if i dun shout and be firm,they won't shut up but i dun wanna be the badguy.haiz.difficult task.also there are some really rude kids.no respect for anybody.they think they're oh-so-great and whatever.damn you.

si seulement vous savez je me sens vers vous, vous me comprendrez mieux.itsso difficult to come to a decision.its pratically driving me nuts.haiz.so emo i wanna cry.

i hate my dad!dad,if you're reading this,I HATE YOU!leave me alone ):

haiz.i really can't stand it anymore!!!who does she think she is?she thinks that the whole world likes her and that every guy falls at her feet.well girl,let me notify you that that's not the case!!!she thinks she can take for granted every guy and thinks that she's so pretty and high up.you're just a pain in the neck!how dare you take him for granted when its so obvious that he loves you so much?and your ex?i apologise about him.he was a mistake.when all things are bad,the other options always seem better.but that will result in bad choices.so what if he asks for your number?thats just what playboys do.and that short interlude was too short to ensure a lasting relationship.however,with him now,how dare you treat him like crap?whats with you?you just like anyone that treats you well?damn you!when it all started you two just can't get enough of each other.that was so gross,i nearly puke.what happened?someone spilled superglue on both of you?you two are just advancing too fast.and because of this,you guys are gonna meet problems.and i was rite.soon later you claim you fell for some other guy.what are you doing?trying to rub it in his face?rub it in that you're wanted by everyone and that he should be honoured to have you as his gf?well let me tell you this.he is talented and with his looks,YOU should be honoured to be his gf.and then you start to tell lies about you and the 3rd party.and then try to cover up.i realise that only bitches do that.so your whole plan is to gross us out with you both and then throw him aside and hurt his feelings and then snug up to him?you are just doing a job too fine.you get his hopes high and make him lose all of himself and then rip out his heart and throw it onto the tar road and then come back to takkaire of him?fuck your bloody shit!cause he loves you so much that he doesn't deserve to be treated liddat.and yet you let him down.what with all the crappy shit that you did to him.he still forgives you and love you all the same.how could you have done that,you heartless bitch?he had come to me with all his sorrows and i had advised him to leave you.you have no rights to deserve him and yet he still wanna give you a chance.i didn't know what you did with your chance but in the end you two are still together.it hurts to see him liddat.suffering.and recently you realised that you like him?you start to act like you deserve him.crap you.dun act like you two are close.others talk to him,not you.so dun answer for him.you'll dirty our eyes as we read it.and when i am pissed with you,so much i could rip your eyeballs out if your sockets,he asks me to forgive you.you are so lucky to have him.otherwise you won't be blind by now.

and now i'm gonna make a threat.just in case you read it.i had wanted to spam you with your name.but to protect the other party,i decided not to.you should know who you are.and if you ever do anything to hurt him again,i'll make sure you get it hard.i'll make sure you hate the core out of me.i won't even care if he asks for forgiveness.cause he DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED IN THIS SLUTTY MANNER!!!watch out bitch!

i'm freakking pissed la...why do some people just think they're oh-so-great when they're not?haiz...i'm just so fucking pissed i can't elaborate.not just because of tha bitch la.my mother also.damn her la.everytime find people to vent anger on us,me especially.wah lao!i owe who in my previous life?have two bitches in my life(so far).who knows when somemore will appear?damn it!!!i'll elaborate soon...sorry esther.fang ni ge zi. ):

ok...let's see what happened today.hmmm...rite.today have rehearsals lor.then rehearse alot lor.haha...tired lah...still have so many things to do.like homework and more homework.haiz.stress la!!!haha.oh yah.today's run was like shit.haiz.for the second run,we doing at the balcony there.then for the flowers,we had to do the lifts.and for the second lift,i was already not lifted properly,like i was already sloping down.then the base tripped over some ribbon and i just dropped down.damn scary and embarrassing lor. q: haiz,then everything like crap liddat.haiz.then i think ma is damn dumb!!!and also pengkai is to blame!!!he had to recruit crew from outside and some are quite dao and anti.then ther are supposed to be professionals.ummm,need professionals to do scene change meh?yppae people also not that bad lor.we somemore do until so pro leh.then they each are being paid $200!!!what the hell!!!you need people to do props then can call us mah.we so enthu,sure come help de.then if you never employ all these crew,the money saved can buy some props rite?then the props will better quality,can keep for future performances ant lastly,the show won't look so budget.haiz.then the crew also no need alot de lor.most of the scene change is like flys.so need alot of crews to move stage props meh?now need people to move props cause need to mark the flys and the stuff.so during runs,delay a lil cause not enough people also won't die.in the end,they're all gonna be flys rite?so i dun understand why ma needs to agree on the proposal and result in asking people like our parents to sponser the show.but its still so budget.i mean there are times when she should disagree.haiz.also the dance that i'm doing is CRAP!!!its so short and crappy.its more of a formation thing then a dance la.like you know during NDP?the people all just move to their formation.no dance at all.its probably like less then 2 minutes.its CRAP!!!i rather be backstage crew then be on stage.there should be more dance then formation.and the choreography actually choreograph alot of stuff.but because of ma's late music(as in,she very late then submit her music)the dance was cut until like dunno what liddat.if the dancers not very graceful,can practice de lor.haiz.there's only two words to describe this show,"disastrous crap"!!!no offence to the cast and props.you guys are really great and putting in lots of effort(cast)and you things ar beautiful(props).also the people who did all the costume and props and technical stuff.but i think its not gonna end up being a nice show though.sorry guys.but lets just give all our best and make it something we'll not regret. (: maybe its gonna turn out nice afterall. (:

takkaire peeps.chill and "woo woo woo!lets go!!!"

peace out (:

haiz.today was another day of rehearsals and i'm rather high and low today.at the starting,when we're doing flowers and i was a lil early,so the teacher taught me something and i was hopping and acting like a MONKEY!!!haha.i'm really high and then when the teacher was teaching,i couldn't stop laughing and cracking jokes and i was spastic and all.haha.but then when we were doing the emerald city thing,i was suddenly pissed off.and i mean really pissed off.i started swearing and scolding the girl that irks me.actually she kinda caused some of the pissing off.another reason was probably we had to redo the whole thing in a new way (dun get the wrong idea.i'm fine with not "leading the thing".actually i'm kinda happy i dun have to "lead" it.)and that we had to redo it over and over again.i mean i dun find it hard to do.the leading peeps are like new to stage and young.but doing it like freaking many times and you dun get it?i guess you probably weren't listening rite?you were just blindly doing and dun mark it mentally when you have to move or something rite?and then the teacher changed "leader" and guess what,she knows there's only like one turn and off she goes into the formation and she can do something totally different.thanx girl,you rock my world!!!(notice the sacarsm dripping from that statement!!!)the girl that irks me really when overboard today.she was pissing me off so much that i could go over and slap her on the face.when the teacher decided to ask her to lead,she was like,"huh?!"like whats the big deal?just lead lah.there are times when you can "huh?!" and you must know when to and when not to.and i was freaking pissed with her to an extend that i got a chance to cross path with her and i just stared at her so hard,i could probably KILL her if i had stared long enough(haha,yeah rite...)then i said "shut up"in such a cold manner i shivered(i'm such a drama!)haha.i was so happy la.haha.to the girl that irks me,"you better watch what you say and do.cause i won't hold back and i'd make sure you'll hate me.you're just a bloody attention seeker and i'd make sure you get the attention you're looking for.watch out bitch!!!"

signing off

peace out

today i went for a session of SHOPPING THERAPY!!!i'm definitely in a much better mood.haha.bought some christmas cards and then also two tops from mango.haha...i'm so proud of myself.cause i was able to walk out of the darkness and enter a whole new world of happiness.ok i'm really crapping!!!but i really wanna thank my BESTIES(esther and rachelle)and jinxuan jiejie and wilson and yingjie andall those peeps that encouraged me and add oil for me.i'm so thankful and touched.ok now i'm getting emotional.haha.

on a sadder note, i hate my lil bro!he is effing unreasonable!wah lao.i can rant all night but i won't my breathe on him.but i learnt that being angry can make you play the piano faster!haha.i won the fight and he went off storming.and my mum asked him to play the piano and he played it at a fast speed and quite fluent.but probably he just played the exam piece for too long.haha.whatever,i dun give a damn.

i'm having a fun-filled holiday.except for the homework and crap.i'm gonna have rehearsals with yppae for the remaining month!!!ok,it's tiring but its fun at the same time.haha. (: smiles!!!

haiz.so many things happening and some just didn't turn out as i've expected.what i thought was gonna happen would actually end up in some really wrong way.someone i thought would not be accusing and assumptious would actually accuse me and stuff...fuck la ok??(sorry,i really can't contain it)he thinks he's oh-so-great and oh-so-right.well,he isn't and he just say stuff that does not go through he brain.haiz...but it'll all be behind me. (:

je suis confus, je suis incertain, je n'ai pas voulu que ceci se produisît

haiz.dunno whats gotten into me...i can't think straight and i'm just so freaking stressed.i'm like in a totally bad mood la.haiz.i'm definitely not pms-ing.but i'm just really down.dunno how.so many things are happening around me and i just dunno how to handle.its like,i can help others but when its my turn,i just blank out.and i just dunno how to stand up again.sometimes i just need a hand to pull me up.

haiz.everyone knows that being a relationship is so darn complicating and yet, i still throu\w myself into it before i'm even prepared for.i really didn't want things to become liddat.haiya...i really dunno. ): i'm crazy.i really am.

haiz.i feel that the flowers ain't getting anywhere.i feel that its just not enough practice.and its just moving so slow.maybe its just me who's moving fast.but,we haven't even fit it into the music,the moves and sequence also not confirm.i really dunno how to react.then there is just this gigantic pressure i feel.its like ma likes to put people down.and then she complains that we're not doing it.then there are two pairs of professionals staring at me.makes me so stressed up and i really dunno what to do.if i ever wanna do well i probably need to be blind.whenever,i see them or even the others, i just dunno what to do.i feel so ugly.ijust feel as if i'm not good enough but i really wanna do it.i mean,here,i'm given this chance to do something i've never dreamt to do before and probably never will be able to and i'm just really honoured.i mean not everyone gets to be one of the lead dancers.and its like i'm so psyched about.but i really dunno how to get out of mycomfort zone.i've never done anything thats not choreographed.so when they want me to intereact with the 4 leads,and not like telling what to do,i just can't do it.i know what to do.but i just can't command myself to do it.i just feel so grossed out by the image of me dancing.then when they give me a chance and i just bluff my way through and run away,i can sense the disappointment and just a bad feeling,i really feel bad.like i'm just wasting their time.and i dun deserve them.i meet their famous dancers and their here to like teach us and i'm just screwing up.i mean,i'm a dancer and i've danced longer then anyone there.so i so be doing better but i just feel that i'm so bad that i'm not even on par with them.i dunno,i try to hold myself up and do it with all my best,but it just doesn't work.i never knew i was so lacking of confident.maybe its because i didn't get chosen for the exams and stuff.but its the fact that i'm nowhere compared to the others.and me doing so badly here,what would they think of my ballet teacher?i mean,they know my teacher so probably,i've ruin her name.i've been living with setbacks and i somehow still get thrown off everytime.i mean,i should have gotten used to it rite?and imagine what my dad will say after the performance.he isn'tgonna be there but if he was,he'll probably criticise.ok,constructive criticism is good.but everytime he sees me dance,all i get from him is criticism.never ever i hear a word of praise.am i really that bad?i really hope not.i dunno how to stand on stage and dance.i mean,no confidence how to dance?the teachers here are so professional that obviously they have very high expectations and i just can't meet it.with me being a dancer,they have much higher hopes for me.one of the cast is also being put down and stuff.and i tell her that i'm also going through the same thing and she says that for me its only for awhile.while i not mad at her or something.but dancing is my life and i'm a perfectionist in this aspect.if i can't obtain that one thing rite,i can't do the whole thing.and thats bad.and thats why i feel really bad.i mean other then reading lines and singing in the end,i have only the dance.and i really have to shine here.or at least do my bestest of the best.i mean,is dance!last time,i was like a stiff square.i only like ballet.but my dad told me that if you're only ballet,you'll go nowhere.dances are all connected.i mean,ballet is just like a basic for all sort of dances.and you must learn to love and appreciate different kinds of dances.now i'm liddat.so this dance for the flowers is like comtemporary ballet and i'm fine with it.i just wanna do it.but i can't.i'm stuck on this spot.and i'm just not moving.i mean its like there's no sharks surrounding the spot or some man-eating pirahnas swimming around the spot.all i need to do is step out.but i just can't command myself t do it.its like my legs have a mind of its own.and it wants to stay there for who knows how long.probably forever.i'm just bleah. ):

nothing's rite.and i dunno what to do.stressed and down.

peace out.