today is a real sad day...its the last day of school...which marks the entry of 2e5'06 into the history book.

today,in the last period,after the cleaning up and admin,mr hong announced that cindy and eric had made a class video.i felt tears in my eyes...i'm just so touched.when the screen popped up,i could hold no longer and cried.the class was like searching for cry-ers.they spotted me and some said, "wah,haven't even start then cry liao." i was so embarrassed i tried to laugh it off.but i couldn't,i was just so upset.it was the last day as a class and it just seemed to finally sink in.

moving away from the topic for a moment.days before,we had already predicted that we would be crying.and today when we were doing admin,and it was already 1350(dismissal time-the time in which we're supposedly supposed to cry)and i was there in my sit,cool as a cucumber.nothing could make me cry.and then the video came and i was flowing like a watertap. )=

back to the topic.watching the vid made me remember the times.it made me wanna stop time and just stay as 2e5'06.there were pictures of everyone including the ugly me and we were laughing at pictures which had oursevles or some really wacky ones.i really cried.

moving around the school building,made me remember times we were as a class.when we were randomly moving to the science labs or the artroom.also,i remember a time in which the few of us were walking to the level2 toilets at the staff room and changed into our newly printed class-tees.it was the day we received the tees and we also rushed to ask mr goh for his permission to allow us to wear it for our cip the next day.also,i remembered the card we made for mr goh.our signatures and our effort,it was so beautiful.when i was going home,i remembered more memories.like when we were cheering our classmates at the sports meet and the swimming carnival.it was so exciting.i just can't stop smiling.

many people say that there is no need to cry.cause we'll see each other next year.but maybejust in different classes.but has it ever occured to you that thing will never be the same.take it that before,when jagan farts(sorry,no offence),we'll be able to say, "wah lao.jagan farted!"but next year,we won't be able to say that again.or for me,when i sit in class every other day,i will randomly just say, "wah lao,i really hate that f**king bastard!"however next year,i may not be able to do that ever again.its just so damn different!

however,saying anything now,will make no diff.but i really hope that people will come to the class chalet.sorry but i'll publicise again.
details of the chalet
date: 1st-3rd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
BBQdate: 2nd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
time: starts at 5pm.but can come as early as you want.
notice*
*if stay on 1stN,must stay for 2ndN
*can stay over on 2ndN after BBQ if you want
please inform any of the following people if you change your mind.
*last taking for staying over on first day is 30/10/06 before 8pm
*last taking for bbq and staying over second day is 30/11/06 before 8pm
the people you can inform are hazel,rachelle,lifang,esther.

i love 2e5'06 so much!i'll miss each and everyone of you!takkaire people! (:

haha.soon eng,your poems are really nice!i'll like to try one myself.haha.hope its ok.please try to tolerate the bad poem.haha (:

when we started on our journey
into the huge unknown new world
we settled into our sits
fidgetting and umcomfortable
as we look around the room
unfamiliar faces surfaced.

"i wish i can get out of here as aoon as possible"
everyone thought
"i dread it here"
we all said

however 2years became 2days.
now we knew everyone
we all speak the same language

all we have left is the last 2days
together as a class
as we all sit in the classroom
that held the memories
good and bad
funny and sad

soon our emotions will spill their way out
our last day standing so close
we feel it breathing upon us

as we stand together as a class
for the 2days
we know soon we'll be solidary
on our own

thank you for the memories
thank you for the times
good and bad
are all in my head
though for some
the air hasn't cleared
but it'll all be forgiven
as the time draws near

i love this class and everyone
the strong bond and friendship
will never break
trust my words
i never lie

e5 rocks my life all year
e5 forever and ever!

hope it isn't too bad...haha... (: takkaire people!

haiz.i totally hate my life can?wah lao...my freaking brothers are so freaking selfish!the old one now is self study week so no need to go school.but shouldn't he be studying?i come home and he was playing the com.then at around 4 plus,the stupid twerp came home and joined him.i kindly asked to play at 6 and they won't let me...wah lao,they think they own the com izzit?
fine,if they wanna play with me,i'll play along!i'll hog the come till they beg to use it!and i may even delete their games!suckers!!!

then there are my parents!i dun want to say this,but i can stand it no longer!they are so f**cking bitchy parents!!!mood swings arh?damn their bloodly bodies lah.fuck!!!

i hate school too!they always make things compulsory!dun they know we have human rights?they can't force us todo things we dun wanna!i wanna quit school!but its impossible.so yeah.i have to live with it!damn!

rea sorry about the language.still TRYING to control.haha.takkaire! (:

just can't sleep.maybe is because of the excessive sugar intake.or just too not-sleepy.

didn't go for class cause mentally unwell.i'm half regretting and half slacking my ass off on this chair and gorging down chocolates.rachelle and esther said that eating sugary stuff like/especially chocolates can relieve upsetness...i guess so bah.but soon,i'll be eating more and more and more and...it just goes on and on...its a cycle.see,here i am slacking my ass off and eating chocs.and where'd all the calories and fats go?my ass and everywhere.then i'll be depressed and start chomping down more chocs...and it just goes on and on...i'm so obsessed with my overall OUTlook.when i said i believed in INNER beauty.crap!

how is it that i feel positive and i asct positive(i think)and i am positive(here i go again,act all you want hazel,no one's gonna care),but i dun feel a tinge of positiveness in my blood?is it all just a smoke screen where i myself is behind?i just dun understand what the hell if going on.i make resolutions and i dun fulfill them.i make plans that i vowed to follow but i foil them-with myself knowing it.i just can't seem to stick to the fact that i'm who i am.i just keep on trying to force myself into this mould where i dun belong and just end up giving up and making a fool of myself and my life.i'm miserable!i can't stand the sight of me.

i read from a book(can't remember which.but i know its about how girls get guys),it says,guys like girls to be positive and confident.cause when girls keep putting themselves down,the guys feel that the girls have high expectations and are difficult to please.well,i so agree with it.and actually i think it applies to everything.not just bgr but also our regular social circle.but its so difficult to stay positive when you know its worthless and even more depressing.

smiles aren't everything.but i just keep asking people to smile.i must have been crazy!!!i am trying to cheer people up when i myself ain't feeling rite.haiz.i'm insane.

anyway,enough of the crapping.2e5'06 is gonna be history soon.and i jst can't get that fact into my head.i'm living everyday in class feeling like its just post-exam period in may.and we still have a bunch of time left.haiz.guess i'll have to move on.i wished we had another class event like a huge interclass race(yes,yet again).and then we'll all train together,everyone together on the mrt,going to bukit gombak stadium to train.timing and helping each other.and then we'll head to bukit gombak cc to have a game og basketball.then on the day,everyone is psyched up to go and do our best.then we're all dressed in our class tee.then we make a hand-tower chanting "e5, e5, e5, GO!" before the race.and the public and other classes will wish they were in out class.cause everyone will see a pack of 39 people in navy blue running as a group.not some way in front and some at the back.all in a group so close abd united other people can't get through.cause we're so darn fast and so darn good...dreams are meant for sleeping...haiz... ):

haiz.today's not my day!!!i think i'm really pms-ing lor.keep on getting pissed over stuff.although to me,it may appear to be very big thing.but to them others,they may think its some small small thing.haiz.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

esther wait for me to finish my tweening programme meeting and i was so surprised!!!she was the only one who waited for me(hint hint)!thanx esther ah ma!!!haiz.then she told me she got fifth in class.i was happy for her.congrats.then she tell me i didn't get top 5 but is below 10.i stun tio.i'm so disappointed with myself can?i have disappointed my parents and also the teachers.haiz.altought they had never said that they had faith in me or whatever,i felt like i have let them down.i'm just an utterly hopeless failure.haiz.i can forget about going to thailand for holiday liao.i go there can't even do a single thing.i have no expenses to spend.my mum made a deal t give me 2k(baht) to spend if i get top 3 in class.haiz.i dun wanna go liao.let everyone down then still go there and wait for them to pay for my stuff.failure is liddat one lah...haiz.i no hope le.just now science period go com lab.then mrs chan ask me i going to 3e5 anot.i shrugged.then she say that i HAVE to to.dun waste.then i over there so sad.cause i know i won't do well.cause i can't work well with stress then i also not confident can go 3e5.haiz.i'm just so utterly disgusted by the sight of me.

me is such a bitch can?she so freaking stupid then over there show off.act clever,"give tuition".please lah.as if people go her "tuition" got help liddat.got improve meh?no lor.please lah.me,if you're reading,go and reflect and see how bitchy you are lah.then if you think finish already,you can prepare a will(like we even care)and then can go jump down the building.better still,you can die in a car,so not too messy and troublesome for the cleaners and coroners.also remember to keep a note by your side.so the police can no need waste time to find the cause and reason of your death.dun worry,no one will miss you de.you can leave peacefully.i just hate me so much!!!

why did i receive this kinda marks?i rather not know.i rather die then know my ever so disappointing marks.i just hate myself so much!why must she do all this to her family and teachers?BITCH!!!

haha.today enjoyed myself so much!went out with rachelle,lifang,esther,angie,xueling,huishan,rachel,cindy(in no order of preference)!haha.was so enjoyable.haha.

I"M IN NEED OF MONEY!!!so i wanna look for a SUPER flexi job.if anyone got lobang please help.(please note.it's not for leisure purposes but for personal reasons)

apologies for the short post.will try to write more next time.

oh sharks,i'm writing as if i'm a huge superstar(yes,yet again).as if there are millions of people waiting for my daily updates.haha.tata people!takkaire!!! (: especially wilson khoo(my very cute didi) who's sick due to the haze.please get well soon!and people,please take GOOD care of yourselves! (:

haiz...i never thought that it was so near,but 2e5'06 will be over soon.althought we're not like graduating and leaving,never to return.we'll still see each other in school but t'll be different to walk into class in 2007 and realise that we're in a different class and there ain't no familiar faces.i'll never forget this class,never.all the faces and times we had,will never be forgotten.haiz.I MISS THIS CLASS!!!

i really hope that we can make the chalet a success.i really dun wanna go and scold the guys(which i already did) but they really pissed me off.i read nic's blog and even though i dun agree with what he says,if thats the case with all guys,at least come for the bbq.details of the chalet will be at the bottom of the this entry.

haiz.i've let ** go le.i've moved on and i hope it will last long.

details of the chalet
date: 1st-3rd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)

BBQ
date: 2nd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
time: starts at 5pm.but can come as early as you want.

notice*
*if stay on 1stN,must stay for 2ndN
*can stay over on 2ndN after BBQ if you want

if anyone wants to suggest anything,can find *rachelle, esther,lifang,sooneng,joel,me*
if anyone wanna be part of the organising party,feel free to ome to us.but tell us at least 1 day in advance. (first meeting, 18th nov)

haiz.exams are finally over.i dun like what i see and i dunno how to react.i'm upset.really really upset.i've worked so hard and i screwed up.thanx for the time,hazel!

yesterday we got back our hisory.ms chua was reprimanding us.she said that she felt that we've traded our history paper for our math paper(we had maths p2 and his).she said she was disappointed but will respect our decision.and as she walked down the aisle to and out our papers personally,she said to me that i didn't do that well.i crumbled.i was hurt.i for one had not traded my history paper for the math paper.i will never let math overrule history.i have never liked math,and i dun think i ever will.i studied hard but i screwed up.that doesn't mean i've given up on history.i'm sorry to say but i'm not gonna agree with ms chua this time.

i'm so scared and worried.i hope i can get into 3e5.but deep down i dun wanna go to 3e5...

1*my marks aren't high enough
2*i dun work well under stress
3*i've got no friends there to walk with me
4*i'll miss my slacking days
5*i've no extra time to spend in school
6*i'm not willing to spend extra time in school
7*there's lots of pressure
8*i'm a slacker
9*i probably got my marks(class tests)tyco-ly but deep down i'm justa pathetic sucker
10*3e5 's not meant for me...

time passes quickly and soon we'll all be in different classes.the girls have organised a class chalet for the class and guess what?the boys won't go...they're so mean!whats their problems anyway?stupid childish people.why can't the understand the efforts the girls went through to organise the chalet and they can say the dun wanna go.just when i feel that the class had gotten closer,the boys wuld wreck it and spoil the bond.only a few bys are co-operative enough to say they're going.but some so-called"co-operative"boys stood us up when they realised that their friends aren't going.
conversation
boy: ok,i'll go.
girls:great.thanx
boy:ummm.i'm not going.
girls:why?
boy:so little boys going.and A not going,i dun wanna go le.
girls:wah lao...
it was something liddat lah.

and one even more worse.i won't elaborate.haiz.i'm knida disappointed and furious.i shan't drop too many hints.haiz.

on monday,something happaned and it was all a misunderstanding.i wanna make peace with her.but she dun seem like she bothers.and i dunno how to start.so...
*ummm.you're reading this,i'm sorry for saying stuff about you when i have never gotten all the facts.and trusted a one-sided story(no offence).i hope you can forgive me.please tag so that i know you've read this and i'll give you a personal apology again on monday.thanx. (:

so many things happen and i dunno what to do.haiz.i read a email my friend sent me and its so true.and kinda saddening and happy too. (: + ): haha.


i need enlightenment


i need to see the light

i need to have faith and hope...

sharks!i'm talking as though i'm a christian,as though i'm in big trouble.

but when we are lost or having trouble(s),find someone else who has a bigger problem and we'll soon forget all about our own. (=

everyone takkaire and god bless.

hopeless and a failure