you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

you freaking lied!you freaking lied!

no i have fraking no interest in anything.but the show will go on.i freaking screwed up today and i'm just so upset with myself kae?can't do a simple role rite.the parents were like praising me saying i'm getting nicer and nicer but the director say i screwed up real bad....

haiz.

ok so i'm asked to do this survey... (: i'm sabo-ed by esther...)

NAME 13 OF YOUR CLASSMATES/FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW. BEST IN GIRLS AND BOYS; not in order.

1.weineng
2.esther
3.rachelle
4.jinxuan
5.yingxi
6.xiaojun
7.wilson.
8.qianhui
9.wenjie
10.yingjie
11.junying
12.jiaen
13.yunqi

How did you meet 10. ?
senior from yppae (:

What if you had never meet 1. ?
no godbro.no feelings for him (:

Have you seen 4. cry?
nope.but heard she cry before (:

Do you think 10. is cute?
hmmm...nope.she's pretty (:

How did you get to know 8. ?
junior from yppae (:

Would you ever go on a date with 12. ?
hmmm.friends date can.but won't happen yeah.not that close (:

What 7. favorite colour?
good question.i dunno.i'll ask! (:

What would you do if 6 express his/her love for you?
then i'll know she's les?stay friends bah. (:

Who is 4 going out with?
she's single...rite jie? (:

Who is 5 to you?
senior from yppae,someone i tell my stuffs to? (:

Would you ever live with 13?
maybe.if we're great friends la. (:

Is 2 single?
yup (:

What do you think about 3 ?
hmmm.she's my bestie and she's crazy at times.but usually the calmer one of the three of us.haha. (:

Whats the best thing about 8 ?
her frequent tendency to laugh for nothing. (:

What do you think you like about 11 ?
her talent to draw real nice animes. (:

Favorite memories with 6 ?
talking over suff and SHOPPING!!! (:

4 person to do this(i changed the number of people to choose) :
*jinxuan
*yingjie
*wilson
*jingyong
[ like esther,i dun think they'll do it... (: ]

anyway,today went to watch night at the museum.its damn funny la!i mean there's like so many things to laugh at la.haha.i strongly recommend it to everyone!!!and i think the guy playing as the egyptian pharoh(rami malek)is quite shuai.haha.anyway,really,you must watch it!!!and harry potter is coming put soon!!!anyone interested?


let's play FETCH!

haiz.today rain whole day.why's the world liddat?spread some rain to africa la.or some desert.or some place in the whole thats suffering drought.they need it more then singapore. (:

anyway,takkaire and peace out... (:

ok.so just a few minutes ago,there was a person outside my house and throwing stuff at my window.cause i stay double floors so the first level is like along the corridoor and my room de window is above the corridoor.so i thought is my elder bro cause he went out to party.but i was shocked that he's back so early.he will sometimes throw something at my window very late at night if he forgets his keys cause he doesn't wanna wake up the whole neighbourhood.you dunno how loud my bell is.its like from the ground floor also can hear the bell and i live on the 12th floor!so i decided to open the window of the study room.i was using the com.so i was kinda wondering what he's doing cause he should have seen the com lights on from the outside.so i just thought he was blind.i opened it and got the shock of my life!another guy as outside.and he was stunned when i opened the window.i was calm and asked he what he was doing and he was just too shocked for words.he then finally got himself back and said,"ummm...sorry."and he walked away.i was so ready to hurl vulgarities!thenhe turned away and kinda called for his friend.that perv!if i saw him again,i kick him where it HURTS!!!night and merry christmas!

its christmas and so here's me wishing everyone a BLESSED CHRISTMAS!STAY MERRY!!! (:

haiz,the holidays are still here,and its gonna be christmas soon.but i dun the tingling feeling you get when you know that the festival is starting.i'm just plain DOWN!haiz,its just probably him.

i really wanna tell him cause i really can't stand it.but i dun wanna risk it.but they're such things as treasure your loved ones,not after they left but when they are still around.i'm not saying he's gonna die soon or something(touchwood)but probably i'll never get the chance again.but i dun wanna risk him going all quiet and stuff right after he opened up a lil.and he has his big 'O's to concentrate on(not that i'm such a big influence).i really dunno.i wanna breakdown and cry.i just dun want the hols to end and the production to come to an end.cause then i'lltill be able to go for movies and see him during rehearsals.it's just difficult to come to a decision now.i'm at a forked road,one to forget him,one to carry on.half o me wants to forget him,half of me wants to carry on.forgetting will allow me to move on and not to suffer liddat.but if i wanted to forget him,i'll do it like long ago and not wait till now.but no one ever know how long it'lltake to forget a person.i wanna cary on but its just so difficult.he probably has a gf and you never know.he just treats you like a sister.haiz.i'm trash. ):

these few days if you realise thats its raining and you as wondering why,the answer is because i'm crying on the inside.i always believe that when it rains,it is actuallt beacause the angels saw (a)person/people who are upset or down or angry and they cry for them.thats why its been pouring for days.though its supposed to be the holiday and festive season,many things have taken place and i'm freaking down.i dunno why.however,today i'm freaking happy.haha.won't tell why here.but jinxuan,yingxi,xiaojun and some juniors know why.haha.i'm like smiling from ear to ear.haha.but still upset lingers somewhere inside still.nothing's prefect.not even one day,everything is prefect.but whatever it is,its still my life.

if you know who you are,this is for you.
i hope you're not the person i think you are(now).and if you are then i just bloodily wasted my time and effort on you.when you're upset,i went so find something that could possibly cheer you up.but you didn't even go and open it.its not that you asked me to do this and i'm not asking for something in repay.but at least open it.when you ask for advice,i gave you mine.i was never prejusticed nor was i biased.i never wanna interfere in your decision but you have to make the right choices and a choice you won't regret.there are times when you have to put others before self and there are times when you have to put yourself before others.to distinguish when to do what,you have to think who the victim is in the scenerio.for your current problem,i think its time to put yourself away and not think of your wants.you can't be selfish.thats all i have to say.

takkaire,smile always

peace (:

haiz.i dun care what others think.really i dun care.this is a free country.i can't stop others from thinking their own way.so the others also have no rights to stop me from expressing my opinions and feelings.i chose this media and so be it.i dun like doing face-to-face,too bad.(no offence feng)but its the end of discussion.drop the subject!

ok so yesterday i was emo.haha.i also dunno why sia.everytime also liddat.suddenly de.jinxuan jie reckons its moodswings.hmmm,dunno.yingxi jie reckons its pms.but it is long over and hasn't come.maybe its over that issue.haiz.apologies to esther who has been listening to my ranting about it.hmmm,its driving me nuts!!!

anyway,at yppae,being the seniors,we have to control the noise level and stuff.but if i dun shout and be firm,they won't shut up but i dun wanna be the badguy.haiz.difficult task.also there are some really rude kids.no respect for anybody.they think they're oh-so-great and whatever.damn you.

si seulement vous savez je me sens vers vous, vous me comprendrez mieux.itsso difficult to come to a decision.its pratically driving me nuts.haiz.so emo i wanna cry.

i hate my dad!dad,if you're reading this,I HATE YOU!leave me alone ):

haiz.i really can't stand it anymore!!!who does she think she is?she thinks that the whole world likes her and that every guy falls at her feet.well girl,let me notify you that that's not the case!!!she thinks she can take for granted every guy and thinks that she's so pretty and high up.you're just a pain in the neck!how dare you take him for granted when its so obvious that he loves you so much?and your ex?i apologise about him.he was a mistake.when all things are bad,the other options always seem better.but that will result in bad choices.so what if he asks for your number?thats just what playboys do.and that short interlude was too short to ensure a lasting relationship.however,with him now,how dare you treat him like crap?whats with you?you just like anyone that treats you well?damn you!when it all started you two just can't get enough of each other.that was so gross,i nearly puke.what happened?someone spilled superglue on both of you?you two are just advancing too fast.and because of this,you guys are gonna meet problems.and i was rite.soon later you claim you fell for some other guy.what are you doing?trying to rub it in his face?rub it in that you're wanted by everyone and that he should be honoured to have you as his gf?well let me tell you this.he is talented and with his looks,YOU should be honoured to be his gf.and then you start to tell lies about you and the 3rd party.and then try to cover up.i realise that only bitches do that.so your whole plan is to gross us out with you both and then throw him aside and hurt his feelings and then snug up to him?you are just doing a job too fine.you get his hopes high and make him lose all of himself and then rip out his heart and throw it onto the tar road and then come back to takkaire of him?fuck your bloody shit!cause he loves you so much that he doesn't deserve to be treated liddat.and yet you let him down.what with all the crappy shit that you did to him.he still forgives you and love you all the same.how could you have done that,you heartless bitch?he had come to me with all his sorrows and i had advised him to leave you.you have no rights to deserve him and yet he still wanna give you a chance.i didn't know what you did with your chance but in the end you two are still together.it hurts to see him liddat.suffering.and recently you realised that you like him?you start to act like you deserve him.crap you.dun act like you two are close.others talk to him,not you.so dun answer for him.you'll dirty our eyes as we read it.and when i am pissed with you,so much i could rip your eyeballs out if your sockets,he asks me to forgive you.you are so lucky to have him.otherwise you won't be blind by now.

and now i'm gonna make a threat.just in case you read it.i had wanted to spam you with your name.but to protect the other party,i decided not to.you should know who you are.and if you ever do anything to hurt him again,i'll make sure you get it hard.i'll make sure you hate the core out of me.i won't even care if he asks for forgiveness.cause he DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED IN THIS SLUTTY MANNER!!!watch out bitch!

i'm freakking pissed la...why do some people just think they're oh-so-great when they're not?haiz...i'm just so fucking pissed i can't elaborate.not just because of tha bitch la.my mother also.damn her la.everytime find people to vent anger on us,me especially.wah lao!i owe who in my previous life?have two bitches in my life(so far).who knows when somemore will appear?damn it!!!i'll elaborate soon...sorry esther.fang ni ge zi. ):

ok...let's see what happened today.hmmm...rite.today have rehearsals lor.then rehearse alot lor.haha...tired lah...still have so many things to do.like homework and more homework.haiz.stress la!!!haha.oh yah.today's run was like shit.haiz.for the second run,we doing at the balcony there.then for the flowers,we had to do the lifts.and for the second lift,i was already not lifted properly,like i was already sloping down.then the base tripped over some ribbon and i just dropped down.damn scary and embarrassing lor. q: haiz,then everything like crap liddat.haiz.then i think ma is damn dumb!!!and also pengkai is to blame!!!he had to recruit crew from outside and some are quite dao and anti.then ther are supposed to be professionals.ummm,need professionals to do scene change meh?yppae people also not that bad lor.we somemore do until so pro leh.then they each are being paid $200!!!what the hell!!!you need people to do props then can call us mah.we so enthu,sure come help de.then if you never employ all these crew,the money saved can buy some props rite?then the props will better quality,can keep for future performances ant lastly,the show won't look so budget.haiz.then the crew also no need alot de lor.most of the scene change is like flys.so need alot of crews to move stage props meh?now need people to move props cause need to mark the flys and the stuff.so during runs,delay a lil cause not enough people also won't die.in the end,they're all gonna be flys rite?so i dun understand why ma needs to agree on the proposal and result in asking people like our parents to sponser the show.but its still so budget.i mean there are times when she should disagree.haiz.also the dance that i'm doing is CRAP!!!its so short and crappy.its more of a formation thing then a dance la.like you know during NDP?the people all just move to their formation.no dance at all.its probably like less then 2 minutes.its CRAP!!!i rather be backstage crew then be on stage.there should be more dance then formation.and the choreography actually choreograph alot of stuff.but because of ma's late music(as in,she very late then submit her music)the dance was cut until like dunno what liddat.if the dancers not very graceful,can practice de lor.haiz.there's only two words to describe this show,"disastrous crap"!!!no offence to the cast and props.you guys are really great and putting in lots of effort(cast)and you things ar beautiful(props).also the people who did all the costume and props and technical stuff.but i think its not gonna end up being a nice show though.sorry guys.but lets just give all our best and make it something we'll not regret. (: maybe its gonna turn out nice afterall. (:

takkaire peeps.chill and "woo woo woo!lets go!!!"

peace out (:

haiz.today was another day of rehearsals and i'm rather high and low today.at the starting,when we're doing flowers and i was a lil early,so the teacher taught me something and i was hopping and acting like a MONKEY!!!haha.i'm really high and then when the teacher was teaching,i couldn't stop laughing and cracking jokes and i was spastic and all.haha.but then when we were doing the emerald city thing,i was suddenly pissed off.and i mean really pissed off.i started swearing and scolding the girl that irks me.actually she kinda caused some of the pissing off.another reason was probably we had to redo the whole thing in a new way (dun get the wrong idea.i'm fine with not "leading the thing".actually i'm kinda happy i dun have to "lead" it.)and that we had to redo it over and over again.i mean i dun find it hard to do.the leading peeps are like new to stage and young.but doing it like freaking many times and you dun get it?i guess you probably weren't listening rite?you were just blindly doing and dun mark it mentally when you have to move or something rite?and then the teacher changed "leader" and guess what,she knows there's only like one turn and off she goes into the formation and she can do something totally different.thanx girl,you rock my world!!!(notice the sacarsm dripping from that statement!!!)the girl that irks me really when overboard today.she was pissing me off so much that i could go over and slap her on the face.when the teacher decided to ask her to lead,she was like,"huh?!"like whats the big deal?just lead lah.there are times when you can "huh?!" and you must know when to and when not to.and i was freaking pissed with her to an extend that i got a chance to cross path with her and i just stared at her so hard,i could probably KILL her if i had stared long enough(haha,yeah rite...)then i said "shut up"in such a cold manner i shivered(i'm such a drama!)haha.i was so happy la.haha.to the girl that irks me,"you better watch what you say and do.cause i won't hold back and i'd make sure you'll hate me.you're just a bloody attention seeker and i'd make sure you get the attention you're looking for.watch out bitch!!!"

signing off

peace out

today i went for a session of SHOPPING THERAPY!!!i'm definitely in a much better mood.haha.bought some christmas cards and then also two tops from mango.haha...i'm so proud of myself.cause i was able to walk out of the darkness and enter a whole new world of happiness.ok i'm really crapping!!!but i really wanna thank my BESTIES(esther and rachelle)and jinxuan jiejie and wilson and yingjie andall those peeps that encouraged me and add oil for me.i'm so thankful and touched.ok now i'm getting emotional.haha.

on a sadder note, i hate my lil bro!he is effing unreasonable!wah lao.i can rant all night but i won't my breathe on him.but i learnt that being angry can make you play the piano faster!haha.i won the fight and he went off storming.and my mum asked him to play the piano and he played it at a fast speed and quite fluent.but probably he just played the exam piece for too long.haha.whatever,i dun give a damn.

i'm having a fun-filled holiday.except for the homework and crap.i'm gonna have rehearsals with yppae for the remaining month!!!ok,it's tiring but its fun at the same time.haha. (: smiles!!!

haiz.so many things happening and some just didn't turn out as i've expected.what i thought was gonna happen would actually end up in some really wrong way.someone i thought would not be accusing and assumptious would actually accuse me and stuff...fuck la ok??(sorry,i really can't contain it)he thinks he's oh-so-great and oh-so-right.well,he isn't and he just say stuff that does not go through he brain.haiz...but it'll all be behind me. (:

je suis confus, je suis incertain, je n'ai pas voulu que ceci se produisît

haiz.dunno whats gotten into me...i can't think straight and i'm just so freaking stressed.i'm like in a totally bad mood la.haiz.i'm definitely not pms-ing.but i'm just really down.dunno how.so many things are happening around me and i just dunno how to handle.its like,i can help others but when its my turn,i just blank out.and i just dunno how to stand up again.sometimes i just need a hand to pull me up.

haiz.everyone knows that being a relationship is so darn complicating and yet, i still throu\w myself into it before i'm even prepared for.i really didn't want things to become liddat.haiya...i really dunno. ): i'm crazy.i really am.

haiz.i feel that the flowers ain't getting anywhere.i feel that its just not enough practice.and its just moving so slow.maybe its just me who's moving fast.but,we haven't even fit it into the music,the moves and sequence also not confirm.i really dunno how to react.then there is just this gigantic pressure i feel.its like ma likes to put people down.and then she complains that we're not doing it.then there are two pairs of professionals staring at me.makes me so stressed up and i really dunno what to do.if i ever wanna do well i probably need to be blind.whenever,i see them or even the others, i just dunno what to do.i feel so ugly.ijust feel as if i'm not good enough but i really wanna do it.i mean,here,i'm given this chance to do something i've never dreamt to do before and probably never will be able to and i'm just really honoured.i mean not everyone gets to be one of the lead dancers.and its like i'm so psyched about.but i really dunno how to get out of mycomfort zone.i've never done anything thats not choreographed.so when they want me to intereact with the 4 leads,and not like telling what to do,i just can't do it.i know what to do.but i just can't command myself to do it.i just feel so grossed out by the image of me dancing.then when they give me a chance and i just bluff my way through and run away,i can sense the disappointment and just a bad feeling,i really feel bad.like i'm just wasting their time.and i dun deserve them.i meet their famous dancers and their here to like teach us and i'm just screwing up.i mean,i'm a dancer and i've danced longer then anyone there.so i so be doing better but i just feel that i'm so bad that i'm not even on par with them.i dunno,i try to hold myself up and do it with all my best,but it just doesn't work.i never knew i was so lacking of confident.maybe its because i didn't get chosen for the exams and stuff.but its the fact that i'm nowhere compared to the others.and me doing so badly here,what would they think of my ballet teacher?i mean,they know my teacher so probably,i've ruin her name.i've been living with setbacks and i somehow still get thrown off everytime.i mean,i should have gotten used to it rite?and imagine what my dad will say after the performance.he isn'tgonna be there but if he was,he'll probably criticise.ok,constructive criticism is good.but everytime he sees me dance,all i get from him is criticism.never ever i hear a word of praise.am i really that bad?i really hope not.i dunno how to stand on stage and dance.i mean,no confidence how to dance?the teachers here are so professional that obviously they have very high expectations and i just can't meet it.with me being a dancer,they have much higher hopes for me.one of the cast is also being put down and stuff.and i tell her that i'm also going through the same thing and she says that for me its only for awhile.while i not mad at her or something.but dancing is my life and i'm a perfectionist in this aspect.if i can't obtain that one thing rite,i can't do the whole thing.and thats bad.and thats why i feel really bad.i mean other then reading lines and singing in the end,i have only the dance.and i really have to shine here.or at least do my bestest of the best.i mean,is dance!last time,i was like a stiff square.i only like ballet.but my dad told me that if you're only ballet,you'll go nowhere.dances are all connected.i mean,ballet is just like a basic for all sort of dances.and you must learn to love and appreciate different kinds of dances.now i'm liddat.so this dance for the flowers is like comtemporary ballet and i'm fine with it.i just wanna do it.but i can't.i'm stuck on this spot.and i'm just not moving.i mean its like there's no sharks surrounding the spot or some man-eating pirahnas swimming around the spot.all i need to do is step out.but i just can't command myself t do it.its like my legs have a mind of its own.and it wants to stay there for who knows how long.probably forever.i'm just bleah. ):

nothing's rite.and i dunno what to do.stressed and down.

peace out.

haiz...it's really been awhile since i last posted.many things both great and not so great happened and i would really like to type it...but taken my lazy personality,i'll skip.haha...i really miss the people from china!haha.they're so fun to be with...haha...i'll try to load some pics yeah?anyway,i've done the op and its kinda good and bad at the same time.good is that somehow,my feet also stop sweating.and that i can finally apply cream on my hands and not have really shiny hands.haha.but on the bad side,i have to eat fish porridge for the rest of the week,my hands cannot move much,i missed ballet classand when its recovering,it'll kinda itch.which it damn uncomfy.haha.i won't be posting much cause i'll be damn busy.so takkaire people!!!and enjoy the holidays!!!smile! (:

today is a real sad day...its the last day of school...which marks the entry of 2e5'06 into the history book.

today,in the last period,after the cleaning up and admin,mr hong announced that cindy and eric had made a class video.i felt tears in my eyes...i'm just so touched.when the screen popped up,i could hold no longer and cried.the class was like searching for cry-ers.they spotted me and some said, "wah,haven't even start then cry liao." i was so embarrassed i tried to laugh it off.but i couldn't,i was just so upset.it was the last day as a class and it just seemed to finally sink in.

moving away from the topic for a moment.days before,we had already predicted that we would be crying.and today when we were doing admin,and it was already 1350(dismissal time-the time in which we're supposedly supposed to cry)and i was there in my sit,cool as a cucumber.nothing could make me cry.and then the video came and i was flowing like a watertap. )=

back to the topic.watching the vid made me remember the times.it made me wanna stop time and just stay as 2e5'06.there were pictures of everyone including the ugly me and we were laughing at pictures which had oursevles or some really wacky ones.i really cried.

moving around the school building,made me remember times we were as a class.when we were randomly moving to the science labs or the artroom.also,i remember a time in which the few of us were walking to the level2 toilets at the staff room and changed into our newly printed class-tees.it was the day we received the tees and we also rushed to ask mr goh for his permission to allow us to wear it for our cip the next day.also,i remembered the card we made for mr goh.our signatures and our effort,it was so beautiful.when i was going home,i remembered more memories.like when we were cheering our classmates at the sports meet and the swimming carnival.it was so exciting.i just can't stop smiling.

many people say that there is no need to cry.cause we'll see each other next year.but maybejust in different classes.but has it ever occured to you that thing will never be the same.take it that before,when jagan farts(sorry,no offence),we'll be able to say, "wah lao.jagan farted!"but next year,we won't be able to say that again.or for me,when i sit in class every other day,i will randomly just say, "wah lao,i really hate that f**king bastard!"however next year,i may not be able to do that ever again.its just so damn different!

however,saying anything now,will make no diff.but i really hope that people will come to the class chalet.sorry but i'll publicise again.
details of the chalet
date: 1st-3rd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
BBQdate: 2nd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
time: starts at 5pm.but can come as early as you want.
notice*
*if stay on 1stN,must stay for 2ndN
*can stay over on 2ndN after BBQ if you want
please inform any of the following people if you change your mind.
*last taking for staying over on first day is 30/10/06 before 8pm
*last taking for bbq and staying over second day is 30/11/06 before 8pm
the people you can inform are hazel,rachelle,lifang,esther.

i love 2e5'06 so much!i'll miss each and everyone of you!takkaire people! (:

haha.soon eng,your poems are really nice!i'll like to try one myself.haha.hope its ok.please try to tolerate the bad poem.haha (:

when we started on our journey
into the huge unknown new world
we settled into our sits
fidgetting and umcomfortable
as we look around the room
unfamiliar faces surfaced.

"i wish i can get out of here as aoon as possible"
everyone thought
"i dread it here"
we all said

however 2years became 2days.
now we knew everyone
we all speak the same language

all we have left is the last 2days
together as a class
as we all sit in the classroom
that held the memories
good and bad
funny and sad

soon our emotions will spill their way out
our last day standing so close
we feel it breathing upon us

as we stand together as a class
for the 2days
we know soon we'll be solidary
on our own

thank you for the memories
thank you for the times
good and bad
are all in my head
though for some
the air hasn't cleared
but it'll all be forgiven
as the time draws near

i love this class and everyone
the strong bond and friendship
will never break
trust my words
i never lie

e5 rocks my life all year
e5 forever and ever!

hope it isn't too bad...haha... (: takkaire people!

haiz.i totally hate my life can?wah lao...my freaking brothers are so freaking selfish!the old one now is self study week so no need to go school.but shouldn't he be studying?i come home and he was playing the com.then at around 4 plus,the stupid twerp came home and joined him.i kindly asked to play at 6 and they won't let me...wah lao,they think they own the com izzit?
fine,if they wanna play with me,i'll play along!i'll hog the come till they beg to use it!and i may even delete their games!suckers!!!

then there are my parents!i dun want to say this,but i can stand it no longer!they are so f**cking bitchy parents!!!mood swings arh?damn their bloodly bodies lah.fuck!!!

i hate school too!they always make things compulsory!dun they know we have human rights?they can't force us todo things we dun wanna!i wanna quit school!but its impossible.so yeah.i have to live with it!damn!

rea sorry about the language.still TRYING to control.haha.takkaire! (:

just can't sleep.maybe is because of the excessive sugar intake.or just too not-sleepy.

didn't go for class cause mentally unwell.i'm half regretting and half slacking my ass off on this chair and gorging down chocolates.rachelle and esther said that eating sugary stuff like/especially chocolates can relieve upsetness...i guess so bah.but soon,i'll be eating more and more and more and...it just goes on and on...its a cycle.see,here i am slacking my ass off and eating chocs.and where'd all the calories and fats go?my ass and everywhere.then i'll be depressed and start chomping down more chocs...and it just goes on and on...i'm so obsessed with my overall OUTlook.when i said i believed in INNER beauty.crap!

how is it that i feel positive and i asct positive(i think)and i am positive(here i go again,act all you want hazel,no one's gonna care),but i dun feel a tinge of positiveness in my blood?is it all just a smoke screen where i myself is behind?i just dun understand what the hell if going on.i make resolutions and i dun fulfill them.i make plans that i vowed to follow but i foil them-with myself knowing it.i just can't seem to stick to the fact that i'm who i am.i just keep on trying to force myself into this mould where i dun belong and just end up giving up and making a fool of myself and my life.i'm miserable!i can't stand the sight of me.

i read from a book(can't remember which.but i know its about how girls get guys),it says,guys like girls to be positive and confident.cause when girls keep putting themselves down,the guys feel that the girls have high expectations and are difficult to please.well,i so agree with it.and actually i think it applies to everything.not just bgr but also our regular social circle.but its so difficult to stay positive when you know its worthless and even more depressing.

smiles aren't everything.but i just keep asking people to smile.i must have been crazy!!!i am trying to cheer people up when i myself ain't feeling rite.haiz.i'm insane.

anyway,enough of the crapping.2e5'06 is gonna be history soon.and i jst can't get that fact into my head.i'm living everyday in class feeling like its just post-exam period in may.and we still have a bunch of time left.haiz.guess i'll have to move on.i wished we had another class event like a huge interclass race(yes,yet again).and then we'll all train together,everyone together on the mrt,going to bukit gombak stadium to train.timing and helping each other.and then we'll head to bukit gombak cc to have a game og basketball.then on the day,everyone is psyched up to go and do our best.then we're all dressed in our class tee.then we make a hand-tower chanting "e5, e5, e5, GO!" before the race.and the public and other classes will wish they were in out class.cause everyone will see a pack of 39 people in navy blue running as a group.not some way in front and some at the back.all in a group so close abd united other people can't get through.cause we're so darn fast and so darn good...dreams are meant for sleeping...haiz... ):

haiz.today's not my day!!!i think i'm really pms-ing lor.keep on getting pissed over stuff.although to me,it may appear to be very big thing.but to them others,they may think its some small small thing.haiz.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

esther wait for me to finish my tweening programme meeting and i was so surprised!!!she was the only one who waited for me(hint hint)!thanx esther ah ma!!!haiz.then she told me she got fifth in class.i was happy for her.congrats.then she tell me i didn't get top 5 but is below 10.i stun tio.i'm so disappointed with myself can?i have disappointed my parents and also the teachers.haiz.altought they had never said that they had faith in me or whatever,i felt like i have let them down.i'm just an utterly hopeless failure.haiz.i can forget about going to thailand for holiday liao.i go there can't even do a single thing.i have no expenses to spend.my mum made a deal t give me 2k(baht) to spend if i get top 3 in class.haiz.i dun wanna go liao.let everyone down then still go there and wait for them to pay for my stuff.failure is liddat one lah...haiz.i no hope le.just now science period go com lab.then mrs chan ask me i going to 3e5 anot.i shrugged.then she say that i HAVE to to.dun waste.then i over there so sad.cause i know i won't do well.cause i can't work well with stress then i also not confident can go 3e5.haiz.i'm just so utterly disgusted by the sight of me.

me is such a bitch can?she so freaking stupid then over there show off.act clever,"give tuition".please lah.as if people go her "tuition" got help liddat.got improve meh?no lor.please lah.me,if you're reading,go and reflect and see how bitchy you are lah.then if you think finish already,you can prepare a will(like we even care)and then can go jump down the building.better still,you can die in a car,so not too messy and troublesome for the cleaners and coroners.also remember to keep a note by your side.so the police can no need waste time to find the cause and reason of your death.dun worry,no one will miss you de.you can leave peacefully.i just hate me so much!!!

why did i receive this kinda marks?i rather not know.i rather die then know my ever so disappointing marks.i just hate myself so much!why must she do all this to her family and teachers?BITCH!!!

haha.today enjoyed myself so much!went out with rachelle,lifang,esther,angie,xueling,huishan,rachel,cindy(in no order of preference)!haha.was so enjoyable.haha.

I"M IN NEED OF MONEY!!!so i wanna look for a SUPER flexi job.if anyone got lobang please help.(please note.it's not for leisure purposes but for personal reasons)

apologies for the short post.will try to write more next time.

oh sharks,i'm writing as if i'm a huge superstar(yes,yet again).as if there are millions of people waiting for my daily updates.haha.tata people!takkaire!!! (: especially wilson khoo(my very cute didi) who's sick due to the haze.please get well soon!and people,please take GOOD care of yourselves! (:

haiz...i never thought that it was so near,but 2e5'06 will be over soon.althought we're not like graduating and leaving,never to return.we'll still see each other in school but t'll be different to walk into class in 2007 and realise that we're in a different class and there ain't no familiar faces.i'll never forget this class,never.all the faces and times we had,will never be forgotten.haiz.I MISS THIS CLASS!!!

i really hope that we can make the chalet a success.i really dun wanna go and scold the guys(which i already did) but they really pissed me off.i read nic's blog and even though i dun agree with what he says,if thats the case with all guys,at least come for the bbq.details of the chalet will be at the bottom of the this entry.

haiz.i've let ** go le.i've moved on and i hope it will last long.

details of the chalet
date: 1st-3rd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)

BBQ
date: 2nd nov
venue: costa sands resort (sentosa)
time: starts at 5pm.but can come as early as you want.

notice*
*if stay on 1stN,must stay for 2ndN
*can stay over on 2ndN after BBQ if you want

if anyone wants to suggest anything,can find *rachelle, esther,lifang,sooneng,joel,me*
if anyone wanna be part of the organising party,feel free to ome to us.but tell us at least 1 day in advance. (first meeting, 18th nov)

haiz.exams are finally over.i dun like what i see and i dunno how to react.i'm upset.really really upset.i've worked so hard and i screwed up.thanx for the time,hazel!

yesterday we got back our hisory.ms chua was reprimanding us.she said that she felt that we've traded our history paper for our math paper(we had maths p2 and his).she said she was disappointed but will respect our decision.and as she walked down the aisle to and out our papers personally,she said to me that i didn't do that well.i crumbled.i was hurt.i for one had not traded my history paper for the math paper.i will never let math overrule history.i have never liked math,and i dun think i ever will.i studied hard but i screwed up.that doesn't mean i've given up on history.i'm sorry to say but i'm not gonna agree with ms chua this time.

i'm so scared and worried.i hope i can get into 3e5.but deep down i dun wanna go to 3e5...

1*my marks aren't high enough
2*i dun work well under stress
3*i've got no friends there to walk with me
4*i'll miss my slacking days
5*i've no extra time to spend in school
6*i'm not willing to spend extra time in school
7*there's lots of pressure
8*i'm a slacker
9*i probably got my marks(class tests)tyco-ly but deep down i'm justa pathetic sucker
10*3e5 's not meant for me...

time passes quickly and soon we'll all be in different classes.the girls have organised a class chalet for the class and guess what?the boys won't go...they're so mean!whats their problems anyway?stupid childish people.why can't the understand the efforts the girls went through to organise the chalet and they can say the dun wanna go.just when i feel that the class had gotten closer,the boys wuld wreck it and spoil the bond.only a few bys are co-operative enough to say they're going.but some so-called"co-operative"boys stood us up when they realised that their friends aren't going.
conversation
boy: ok,i'll go.
girls:great.thanx
boy:ummm.i'm not going.
girls:why?
boy:so little boys going.and A not going,i dun wanna go le.
girls:wah lao...
it was something liddat lah.

and one even more worse.i won't elaborate.haiz.i'm knida disappointed and furious.i shan't drop too many hints.haiz.

on monday,something happaned and it was all a misunderstanding.i wanna make peace with her.but she dun seem like she bothers.and i dunno how to start.so...
*ummm.you're reading this,i'm sorry for saying stuff about you when i have never gotten all the facts.and trusted a one-sided story(no offence).i hope you can forgive me.please tag so that i know you've read this and i'll give you a personal apology again on monday.thanx. (:

so many things happen and i dunno what to do.haiz.i read a email my friend sent me and its so true.and kinda saddening and happy too. (: + ): haha.


i need enlightenment


i need to see the light

i need to have faith and hope...

sharks!i'm talking as though i'm a christian,as though i'm in big trouble.

but when we are lost or having trouble(s),find someone else who has a bigger problem and we'll soon forget all about our own. (=

everyone takkaire and god bless.

hopeless and a failure

haiz...things change.(i know)but some are just drastic and sometimes,i just dun wanna change.its difficult to accept. ):

i wish i can talk to someone about it.someone that knows how to listen and i mean really.i dun think there's some miracle button that can turn back tme.but at least alking to someone can relieve the funny feeling.some changes are just not easy to accept.its as if i'm looking through a certain "template".but changing "templates" is diffcult.i requires oneself to get used to it.

certain things happen in life and you never seem to be able to figure out why.people call this fate.but i'm sure that there's a reason!(or so i think)haiz.the world never a fair place.some people just get the good things and some that the dun deserve while some people gets crap.even all of us do not know how "lucky"we are,why do some people just get everything?haiz.NOT FAIR!!!

oh yah!i have changed my blogskin and this skin doesn't have the loves&hates part.soi'll just write here.haha.

I HATE FLIRTS!!!

and i have cleverly found out that the word 'flirt' is not just a word but an abbreviation.and i have skillfully decoded it...(keke)

F**king
Lonely
Idiot(s)
Randomly
Treasure-hunting*

*treasure-hunting refers to hunting of the opposite sex...

i just can stand them!!!

everybody is stressed up over eoys!and i'n not one of them!haha! (: sadly,i fall under the catergory of "dead"..i can already see the headlines:-
"TEEN MEETS THE DEVIL DUE TO OVER STRESS"
scary!
how can i actually ever dream of going to the triple science stream?i must be crazy man!

my new life...
i had never expected that a bond can be so fragile and had actually broke due the spark that was created by a special connection with a 'family'.

i'm not an unreasonable person who have disputes with anyone and everyone over nothing.i dun work down orchard road and just pick out a random person and start shouting vulgarities and start hating them.i won't also not be so attention-thirsty to draw a huge crowd to look at me hurling 'colourful' language in the middle of orchard road.i ust be beserk to do that!and i'm certainly sane enough to maintain my composure.

also,i dun not start a dispute with someone over one thing.i usually 'give chances'.anyway,our friendship was already wobbling over the edge.anything could happen.it could have lost balance and fall off.or it could have swung back to safe land.apparently,it chose to shatter and i couldn't have avoided it.FATE,that's what it is.

we had kept up the 'cold war' for 3 days.however,we had something on today and we're together.when we were ready to leave,we were standing at the curb,ready to cross the road.however,this road had no 'middle' curb to seperate the two way road.i we were ready to cross when i noticed that a car was coming,while she was looking at the other side.and she even had stepped down from the curb.i was ready to put aside our dispute for that second and pull her back.she had also noticed a car from the other side and thought i was going to cross.she also held her hand out to pull me back.we held our hands out at the same time and we caught hold of each other and we haled ourselves back.we then turned toward each other as if nothing had happened between us.we smiled at each other and then realised where we are and who we were.we immediately let go and i turned away.that moment was sort of magical.i don't mean it in as in i like her or whatever.instead,it was magical in a friends kind of way.

my besties have asked me to make peace.however,it's difficult.i don't know how to explain.but i just have a feeling that i'm not looking at the full picture.i may be misunderstood atsome point.or i may have misunderstood her.my view is blur.

and now for pictures.hmmm.looking at them reminds me of the funky time we had together.i love my class!


isn't that me?and i'm FLYING!!!(please pardon the ugly everything) (:


and here is the picture where everyone is in the air! (:

unfortunately i dun have a full calss photo.shall find it and post it! (:

and lastly something i 'painted' myself,


and now,i shall sign off! (: takkaire people!oh yah!soon eng,GET WELL SOON!!!with lots of love,hazel (:

keke.i've had a wonderful day on friday.cause it was our 2e5'06 class outing.as joel would put it,"it was considered a successful one." (: anyway,i'm proud to claim that i've obtained a DARKER skin tone!!!yay! (: keke.anyway,we took pictures at siloso beach.so do visit again when i've uploaded them. (:

haiz.sian.i wanna say so many things buts very lazy to write down.sian.haiz.yesterday(sunday)was my mummy's birthday.then we went to Fish & Co. to have dinner.wah!spend $117 in total.i ate the grilled seasonal catch of the day in cacun sauce.wah!siok leh!i'm drooling already!haha.enjoyed so much.i have decided to come up with reasonable resolutions that i will what to meet by the end of this year,2006.

resolutions
1* stop cracking my knuckles
2* stop biting my nails(bad habit)
3* really carry out CAT
4* take real good care of myself, in and out

people,please help me if you consider me your good kaki.haha.jkjk.i'll try to do my best. (:

oh yah,today wilson didi got sore eyes and then go home then kena both eyes.he first got it because of his bro.then go home kena again.(i tld you it was air-borne)haha.takkaire my dear didi.

takkaire everyone! (: now alot people de immune system deteoriating.so TAKKAIRE!!! (:

haha.so long never update liao.ummm lots of thing happened and i dun wanna talk about it.but today is the first day for the song dedication for teacher's day.then i'm the DJ for the second recess until wednesday.haha.get to miss 4 periods.haha.haiz.then i stuttered twice.shitty mama.sory guys and gals.i really nothing to update about.

takkaire people!

haiz.so sian.on saturday,i after go see the chinese doctor in the morning,then i after awhile,severe headache!head throbbing hard man!then i go lie down.then i feel my body very warm but feeling super cold.then i take temperature, 37.77degrees.not very high but i feel super bad lah.feel like nua nua one.haiz.then i eat lunch then go lie down somemore.then fell asleep.then wake up go out with my mum.haha.but still very uneasy.somemore my bag so heavy.all the music books i need for class later.haha.

then today,got yppae.then got movement class.then very fun.then got one girl(dun think she will read rite?nvm,shan't spoil her "name"),she piss me off lah.she think she's oh so good arhs?always act,everytime act.as if like dun act will die.

made-up scenerio
gal: *starts acting,AGAIN*
me: can you just STOP acting?
gal: oh no,i can't.i'm under a spell.the "must-always-act"spell.if i dun act,i'll die a terrible death

haha.shitty mama lah.why must she act?and it's not only me that thinks so lor.others too.and i just can't stand it.so what if she learns dance?i too learn,but do you see me being cocky?crappy shit lah.

he didn't come again today.last week course got choir,but today dunno why.his lil bro also never come.

it was easier to forget you at the moment,cause you didn't appear.but i dunno if i'll be able to take it if you apear before again. ):

hmmm.if you're thinking why i so early already up.thats because i've gone to see the doctor and just got back.sian.i need to eat more medicine.and somemore is super bitter.bleah!>.< anyway,i have actually made up my mind.and it is to really CAT!!!and i've decided to try not to be so violent.haha.i'll TRY!!!not confirm guarantee chop!haha.

show you guys and gals a ballet photo again.

ain't she graceful?my gawd!i wanna be able to dance like her!!!but i know it'll never happen. ): if any of you pople got see any nice ballet photo,must tell me kaes?hehe!!! (:

takkaire people!spread the love and smiles!!!if need anything or wanna confide in anyone(and you dun mind telling me)then you can come and find me(: and i dun spread secrets of any kind!thats something i can 100%confirm guarantee chop(:

i've decided to give up on you.i dun wanna wait for something that has no ending. ):

haiz.i got nothing to post.but my esther ah ma made a request to update.so here i am...updating.haha.

i think ELVIN NG is a super duper uber hunkie hottie.here's his drama photos (Love at 0°)enjoy! (:


She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

Sun Yi Xin (acted by Rui En) & She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

Sun Yi Xin (acted by Rui En) & She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

Sun Yi Xin (acted by Rui En) & She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

Sun Yi Xin (acted by Rui En) & She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

and now for my FAVOURITE picture.(drumroll...)

She Wei Xiang (acted by Elvin Ng)

SHUAI rite?i know!!!i put super big so you peeps out there can see CLEARLY!!!

credits
all pictures have been taken from channel 8 (http://ch8.mediacorptv.com/shows/drama/view/749/2/.html)

sian

hmmm.let's see what happened today...oh yah.today science and geography teacher never come.then we knew we had to sing song and celebrate teachers' day on 31st august.the rachelle,lifang,esther and me got so HIGH!!!then we decided to compose our own song cause we can't think of any suitable songs.so we called faiz and joel to help.we decided to use the "High School Musical" one of the song, "When there was me and you"de tune.we rewrote the lyrics and voila, a SONG!!!then we used the OSL JJC leadership (that osl members went to) some cheers to add to our mini performance.we got really high.

on saturday, 12 august.we had our BVSS cross-country race.c division girls started first.then i from the back run all the way to the front.then when nearing the end, the stupid teacher direct me wrong and the stupid marshall ever even stop me.i had to detour and guess what? I FINISHED SECOND!!!dun worry i didn't type wrong.i got a BLOODY SECOND!!!can you believe it?i tell mr chan the teacher-in-charge and guess what he say, "nvm lah.sorry i very busy"!!!wth lah!!!how can liddat?NVM!!!of course nvm lah. you teachers never run rite?it means alot to me lor.and becuase of some bloody human error,i end up SECOND!!!it was the first time we were running there.they dun wanna direct properly then at least show us our route lah.never even give us the slightest impression of it and expect us to follow the BLOODY directions of the BLOODY TEACHERS AND MARSHALL!!!what fcuk?i fought all the way from the BACK to the FRONT and this is what i get?!i'm hurt lor.wah lao.this is not only the only problem lor.but i'm not going to post.

you're always on my mind, but your heart a different person.i try to wash you away,but you just keep clinging on.i try to forget you,but you just won't disappear.why oh why?you keep standing here?

down in my life

haiz.so sian.and my life is so down it can't be worse(i hope so)haiz.dun really wanna blog about my life cause it sucks.haha.lots happened and i hate it!especially when people blame and accuse you of doing things that you didn't do!

well i talked to him yesterday night(until my effing dad off the com) and also today!yay!i'm SOOOO HAPPY!!!i'm like in the world of euphoria!untili remember my miserable life and go sucked in back to reality.well, i really enjoyed talking to HIM lah!all my close kakis will know who i'm talking about! :)

i wanted to forget you,but you always make it so hard.your smile,you eyes, your everything just makes me wanna hold on a little longer.

I Love Xiangsheng

many people think that singaporean's chinese standards are of a very low standard.however,this group of students speak chinese like china kids.their chinese pronounciation is very good.i have watched their performance before and it was an eye-opener.many people have commented that their chinese is so powerful and excellent.they also said that the students speak such fluent and proper chinese that they were so impressed.many people who do not know them,thought that they were from china.their performance only needs two words to describe:"the best!"this show is a must-watch.you can bet that i'll be there to be wowed!

in case the picture is not big enough,
you can get you ticket from:
Young People's Performing Arts Ensemble(YPPAE) Blk 261 Waterloo St. #03-28 S180261
Tel:63366776
or you can get them through me.

performance times,price and date:
2000hours - 31/08/06 - $15 $18 $20
1530hours - 01/09/06 - $15 $18 $20
2000hours - 01/09/06 - $15 $18 $20

heyhey!

haha.today was ok lah.after school went to westmall de mini food fair.then i spend $6.50 leh!!!shitty mama!!!haiz.i spent it on the following food:
a)cai bing(fried veggie cake?) - $1
b)chicken wings - $2
c)durian pancake - $1.50
d)takoyaki balls - $2
haha.ok.so that means that i'm super duper uber broke for this week!haha.i like the durian pancake!its super nice!the pancake is crispy and then the mushed up durian flesh is cool and together,their heaven's match!Mmmmmmmmm!to some peeps who dun like durian think it smells shitty but to me,it smells heavenly!yay!haha.with all that food,i'm sure to grow fat fat fatty!haiz.

takkaire people!remember to smile always!spread the love and smiles!i will be here for everyone if you guys need me!

loving you was never easy but i'm willing to go through all obstacles just to see you smile,just to see you happy.i'll be waiting.even if it means forever.love ya lots.

:)

2nd post

haha.i'm so forturnate to have 3 xiao ke ai(s)!(小可爱)and they are:
a)yao yao!
b)wilson!
c)fan fan!

YAO YAO
he is super duper uber CUTE!!!he was once my xiao shuai shaui(小帅帅).it was this year.he was cutting he far too long bushy hair and turned out to be some cute shuai kid!i'm so proud to be his jie jie!haha.even i know he won't be reading this,i wanna thank him for being there for me always and just being so cute.on tuesday, i was like really pissed then he come and try to talk some sense into me.then i kinda scolded him.cause i told my friends to not to talk to me cause i not in a good mood then i scared i will anyhow scold them.however,he actually risked his life and come talk to me.but when i cooled a little,i apologised and he was like nvm.it's ok.haha.i love him lots!

WILSON
he is uber CUTE too!he smile very cute lor.then when he call me jie jie,he will make me smile no matter how pissed i am lor.you can see how cute and sweet those two wrds are when they emerged from his mouth!total cuteness!he in class is sit in front of me one.then he will ren me one leh.i sometimes will very high(okok!i admit!i everytime also high one!),then will make him.then he will just dun care and carry on his work.then sometimes will turn back and smile!haha.angie is so forturnateto have him as her bf!total cuteness!

FAN FAN
he is the skinniest guy in class!and he is uber duper CUTE!!!he smile then can see his cheekbone lor.haha.cuteness.he always very sick(ok maybe only sometimes),then will make me laugh with sick thoughts in my head(oops!i said too much!haha).then he will just do the hard gay's"HOOOOOOOOO~!!!"thing from time to time!

i'm so proud and forturnate to have these 3 xiao ke ai(s)to pei me!haha!yays!love yo guys lots and lots!dun forget me arhs!(oops!so bhb!haha)

i hate him!!!

haiz.today esther and dorr come my house do the art thing.haha.then later they go le.then after that my dad called!he scold me.say just now my school teacher call him tell him that i quit npcc and he know anot.then he scold ask me dun anyhow do.i tell him i got tell him.somemore twice.then he scold me ask me dun lie.WAH LAO!i effing pissed!whats his problem?he liddat say tomorrow the teacher sure come and find me one lor.he liddat happy liao lor.i fed up i say i dun care you wanna believe anot,i quit le.then he scold somemore!wah lao.tomorrow the teacher ask me see her then what should i say?

made-up conversation:
TEACHER:hazel,i called your father yesterday asking him whether he is aware that you have quitted NPCC.however,he was unaware.
ME:sorry teacher,i father is currently suffering from short-term memory.

if i did say that my teacher will either
a)dun believe me
b)kill me
c)both!!!

i can see the pool of blood le.haiz.i really can't see what his problem is.if he really suffering from short-term memory then dun come and hai wo.i hate him!he actually asked me to stop LYING!!!he ask me to stop lying that i have already told him.why would i wanna lie to him?if he really had STM,then dun come here and anyhow change the facts lor.if he wasn' my father,i would have blurted out all the vulgarities i know,whether i wanna CAT or not.and then ask all my friend go and scold him and tio him! WAH LAO!!!can't he just let me rest in peace and dun come and disrupt me?why can't he just love and treat me well like other people's father?he changed so much lor.last time,dote on me the most.now he makes torturing me his hobby.dumb shit lor.if i were able to depend on myself,i would go and live on my own rather then stay here and see his sickening face.then i earn all the money and return them and then just treat them well can le.i dun wanna stay here and see his effing face lor.wah lao!

haiz.i dun wanna complain liao.later people think i dun have and filial piety.puh-lease lah.i am filial one ok!haha.must really CAT liao.no matter how pissed i am.otherwise i'll never be able to rise to the challenge and conquer it.

bye peeps!remember to smile always!takkaire.spread the love and smiles.will always be here for whoever that needs me! :)

pissed off real bad

haiz.i'm so pissed off yesterday and today that i actually broke down and cried in class!yesterday my dad came home and immediately started to vent his effing anger on my big bro and me!whats his problem?*who spitted in his beancurd?*(**extract from mulan)and for no reason,he confiscated my handphone!dumb shit!then today got home econs.then that bitchy effing kartar very unreasonable like my dad.she keep on picking on me when others are also doing it lor!haiz.i'm so pissed off!then when i cry no one bother.like i care liddat.haiz.bt during mother tongue,i sleep and then after waking up i was feeling much better.then i pour out to doreen and felt pissed off again.then i cooled down and soon was my ture to calm and keep peace.haiz.watever!

apologies for my vulgarities.trying real hard to CAT.meaning Control And Terminate.i love acroynms*

haha.today went to esther ah ma house to waych mulan and mulan 2!i had a great time.its my favourite disney movie!yay!general shang is so hot!haha.in mulan 2,the both of them were so darn sweet and they got married.haha.they are a heaven's match!

shang asks for mulan's hand in marriage!

haha.i have made up my mind.i have decided to give up studying for the first class position le.i think i'll just do my best and let the others fight and compete for the class position thingy.i dun give a damn le.haha.best wishes from me.haha.

loving you wasn't easy.i dunno how long i can wait and endure the pain that you never knew my feelings for you.if you were to give me a chance,i'll shout out my feelings for you to the whole world to let them know that life is never complete without you.

failure!

haiz.today went for the qualifying rounds for 800m.lucky got li fang pei me.but only go watch.obviously i couldn't qualify.but i still go.actually dun want also have to go.haha.so went to run and obviously like the *other time*,i was suckilishly sucky!haiz.haha.not gonna tell my results.too sucky liao.(duh!of course its sucky!)
*other time* was last thursday,400m.i went alone and ran.was also sucky.haha.can't blame.i'm born to be sucky.haha.i'm not running material.haiz.i totally need to train real hard.i wanna really top something next year when i go for the following:
*wings cross country
*national cross country
*national track and field
but next year i'm competing in the 'D' division.which means i'm at advantage.but who cares.i just wanna train real hard.haha.(as if iwill be able to do.)

i'm really sian you know.so i'll post pictures of my *hip tag and my *serial number(haha.i'm a criminal.).

serial number!(haha)

hiptag for 400m heat1 lane7

hiptag for 800m heat2 lane14

haha...just lame-ed!haha.have a great day!!! :)

sorry

hey guys!sorry for not updated since i dunno when...haha.(i'm saying as though there are thousands of peeps waiting for this holy post!haha!)anyway lots happened and i shall talk about the few major events.

ballet workshop(5-10june)
so we had ballet workshop and i was(as usual)as sucky as always.haha.on 10th july,the demo day,i cried like twice.haiz.i was like very stupid.i made so many boo-boos.haiz.i miss ms berry!

yppae camp(14-16june)
haha.i love this camp.however got alot of casualties on second day.including myself.haha.i nose bled like dunno how many thousand times.then my sis and bros dun let me help.damn.say i too heaty then cannot go into the sun.haiz.suay.but i wanna think them anyway for caring for me.i poured out to some of my siss on my crush.and jin xuan jiejie told us all her love story.haha.it was good entertainment.haha.then ma is the same,piss us off.haiz.then last night there,i never sleep cause got sentry then scared cannot wake up for sentry and morning duty.haha.but anyway couldn't sleep before sentry.cause after the freakishly late bath,it was time for my sentry.hahabut slept for 10 mins while waiting for the first batch of bathing peeps.we exco bath at like 1++am lor.haiz.how we sacrafice.haha.love everyone there!

BVSS 20th anniversary(30june)
this was my second official councillor duty.and a very grand and important one too.had to wear whites and blasers.haha.court shoes too!(OUCH!)my duty was to usher the special invited guests.major!haha.in all,i had fun!:)

thats all that happened.haha.tomorrow is my race le.and i think i'm going to blow it!i really dropped in standard and stamina.then never train for very long.the trainings we had in the hols were to give us foundations.and of all 8 sessions,i only attended 3.good rite?

oh yah,on 2nd july,i was at yppae.first day.then received news from xue yu(wei neng's lil bro)that wei neng is in hospital for dengue.we were all "WHAT!!!"then decided to visit him the next day.we went to the hospital,me and yida.then he was about to get discharged.then visit him a while then follow them home and wait for xiao jun,liying anf yun zhou.he is super weak.we all bought him something.

haiz.i see him liddat so heart ache.haiz.

tired

i'm not sure of when i last posted.just can't freaking remember.but the days are just so freaking tiring!today having the 2nd training for x-country and i'm like super sucky!haiz.just very tired.dun feel like posting.haha.sorry.

crybaby

haiz.its been a while since i updated my blod.haiz.ok so i'll like to tell you everything i did since friday.wanna hear?

friday
so today we're doing our CIP at the science centre.we went there and realised that bukit panjang high was there too.we got divided very unevenly and unfairly to our work areas.i got the tentage and was with most of the class.there were booths ans there are single activities going on at the booths.most were puzzles.and i got one.haha.the day was well.but i was very warm and we were all sweating.haha.at the end,we roamed the place till it closed.haha.we ended like at 5 ++.haha.

saturday
today is my first official councillor duty.haha.was to usher parents to the place where the teachers of their child would be.haha.actually ushered THREE times wrong.haiz.was like super embarassed.and one pair were like super angry lah.when they left,there were like practically storming off.sian.then it was like super warm.and everyone was like perspiring likewe all just had a bath or something.haha.but on the whole it was ok.and i got praised.haha.at least let me brag a little mah.haha.

sunday
haiz.today i did a little boo boo.during da ban class,we all had to go up and do our thing like every week.but i was super not ready to do it lah.then is like i ask the girls to play all together.but the teacher didn't allow and stuff.then i cried cause i really didn't dared to do it lah.haiz.then i feel like a failure lah.haiz.then the teacher said tothe class in chinese"as you can see,these girls(yeu jia,ying jie and jin qing)are the best in this class cause they put in effort."at that very moment,i felt like a super failure lah.i dun think that the teacher mean to suan me and stuff.maybe he was but,i was like super on the verge to cry again and i did!haiz.sian.all i know is to cry.very failure leh.i just dunno how to explain.cause i'm a failure.and i'm dumb too.so i can't possibly know any other words to express myself.haiz.sian.

signing off.takkaire.

haha

now is the period after receass and is like we're in the computer lab for science to learn how to log in to our e-learning portal.haha.then after we know how to download the file,we can use the com.haha.watever.then is like now got free period lor.can use com and everything.haha.

today going to expo for the food exhibition.haha.cause li fang pull me go.haha.no lah.just go with her.haha.i'm like super pissed with alvin lah.haiz.super pissed.haha.i'll tell you all about it.it actually happened yesterday.but yesterday too angry to write.haha.

so ummm.yesterday got councillor investiture.then alvin was a student audience.haha.then we were supposed to like go collect shirts then at first only he only guy.then he was supposed to take most of the shirts cause their heavy.then he later say he dun wanna go.then left only the girls to go and take.haiz.so irresponsible.but if like got acceptable reasons then still can but his reason is cause he dun feel like going.wth!haiz.then in the end he go.so we were off after cleaning the area.(haiz.being a councillor isn't much fun at the moment.)so we were going then yasser said he'll go.then the girls told me that yasser was not feeling well so i asked him not to go.then alvin say he dun wanna go cause got no boy.but later last minute say wanna go then pull yasser.then in the end he never even bother about yasser then go and talk to the girls.wtf!!!haiz.i give yo examples.first,when we finished visiting the shop.angie wanna eat.so they go eat.then me and the remaining girls walk awhile.when we go back,cindy ask him where yasser then he was like"huh?oh yah!where is he?"sia lah.he only know how to eat.wtf!!!second,we at the busstop.then he keep on talking to the girls then never bother about yasser.then yasser wasn't even allowed any space to join the group lah.wtf!!!how could he.damn him!

i'm starting to look at him in a different light.a bad light!

pissed

ummm first of all,i wanna let the whole world know that i totally love my elder blood brother!haha.kor kor.if you're reading this,i love you!lots!

ok so if you've realised that my lastest post is like dunno how many dinosaur years ago,well thats because mymum won't let me use it.haiz.shan't talk about it.

today's my school's councillor investiture and then i was like super nervous.dunno why.haha.then i was like rushing through everything.haha.then fter that,we had reception.then kind of talked to the exco member.thats call bootlicing.haha.yeah rite.jkjk.so after that was like going to collect the class tee.then in the middle lots of things happened and made me super pissed.

in the middle,i was running down the stairs and haha,you guessed it.i slipped and fell.i twisted my ankle during the fall and i was like"@#$%^&*@!@#~!@##$%^^&^$$%^&&$^%$$!"haha.no lah.just kidding.so i was in super pain.then i stood up and started hopping and limping.haha.so my friends were telling me thats its sprained and stuff.i looked at my ankle and indeed it was swollen.but it got better.but not unpain.when i got home,i checked and it was swollen but dun feel like its a sprain leh.haiz.

dun feel like talking too much.just too pissed.bb and takkaire.

long weekend

haiz.the weekend is like many years.dunno why.我度日如年.it means that i spend my days like years.haha.let's start with saturday...

saturday
woke up at around 7.35am cause need to go school with yasser.haha.i prepared so fast that i was early.so i went down to wait.i dunno why.but i heard that we're meeting at 8.05am.but when i went down.he's not there.so i sat down and read.then he sms-ed me and like we"talked".then i asked what time we're meeting.cause i didn't tell him that i'm down already.he said 8.15am.haha.then i was like"really"?then he appeared and was shocked.so we went to school lor.went to national young leaders seminar.then after that saw jing ge and jia xuan at the end.called to jing ge but could call jia xuan cause i was talking to the teacher.so went to the mrt station and saw jing ge and went with him since his taking the train to city hall.haha.was a lil late for piano class and then went home lor.the end for saturday

sunday
woke up bacuse i felt a sharp thingy poking into my back.then realised that is my specs and that my specs is broken!ah!shit.then ate early lunch and went for yppae for camp meeting.then knew that wei neng kor is sick.get well soon!ummm.then had normal lessons and then went home and ate dinner.then came home.and i'm here.haha.

you have seen the cartoon...


now,here's the real thing...

lame

sia lah.i totally braindead lor.on wednesday,i was like never sleep the whole night.then i thursday go straight to school.never touch the bed sia.i am like so amazed at myself.haha.then today,i got councillor meeting.the very first official one.then got the announcement of the handing over and stuff.then we got the super mini rehearsal for the 20th councillor investiture.yup.should be liddat spell bah.haha.lazy check dictionary lah.haha.then tomorrow need to go back schol to go to expo for a knid of talk.then i need to leave on my own.can't leave with the school.cause i need to go for piano class.but still have tell ms gopal.haha.hope she can allow.haha.very sian sia.

broke up again and for the last time on tuesday.haha.but sometimes think whether its a good decision.haha.watever.whats done is done.haha.

hope to forget him.otherwise,i'll never move on.haiz.haha.

already made peace with doreen.but not with david and esther.then yijing trying to patch me and esther.i'm fine with it if she apologise.cause i'm not at wrong.but with david.its never gonna happen.even if she apologise.haha.

braindead~

trouble is brewing.bakstabbing will take place.suspicion and heavy feelings hang in the atmosphere.distrust is forming into a think fog present before us,among us.things dun look as simple as it seems.depression bombarded into my life.seizing daylight.causing me to fall into dark,cold loneliness.

DEPRESSION

sadness and loneliness are my friends.happiness and cheery smiles are my enemies.call me cowardy or freind-thirsty,well i am.but leave me alone and dun piss me cause i'll turn nasty.deep inside me.it's your choice to believe it.i'm not forcing you.

recalling memories,good and bad.Arousing pain and slashes,wounds.Chorus of masks on.Hell coming,getting near.Escapes routes are sealed.Losing sanity,hope,light.Letting lose my grasp for life.Extending my hand to nobody near.

sian~

haiz.already 3am and i'm still not sleeping.today's a school day!haiz.but just can't sleep.so talked to my big bro.now he's watching a match and doesn't need to go to school tomorrow.cause its his polling day hols.but i can't watch matches.i'll fall asleep.so here i am,blogging.haha.can't log on to msn.sian.i'm just wide awake!

long blog

haiz.i never blogged since last saturday.haiz.maybe cause too busy.and also because of me eye.

SATURDAY
so since today i didn't have piano class.i decided to go to orchard with my jie jie.but we both overslept and dragged the meeting time to 4.30pm.but we were both late.so it dragged near to 5++pm.haha.then we went and go.cause need to go to ah gong's house for dinner.yumyum.haha.

SUNDAY
woke up at 4.15am and realised then my right eye was swollen.haiz.but sill went for yppae.didn't do much there and i was super slack there.haiz.at night,my dad broughtme to see the doctor.got an mc and medicine.

MONDAY
still went to school cause these two days gonna check exam scripts.haiz.was super down.cause my marks are really borderline passes.only 1 A2?i dunno.just super sucky.

TUESDAY
saw all my miserable marks and then went for ballet.kinda cheer me up.cause ms tan was still here.not saying that i dun like ms mccully.but both teachers have their great points but ms tan is more detailed.cause her work allows that.ms mccully couldn't.cause she is totaly loaded with work.poor ms mccully.haiz.you know on national day,(since 19??)ms mccully was asked to choeograph the dances and stuff.its super cool.haha.she's my teacher.yay!

so its not too long.cause i summarise to super short.so yeah.haha.today's my school's polling day holiday.haha.bb.takkaire.

haha?

haiz.today woke up and went to aunty maggie's house to cut hair.she's like can say my family's hair stylist?cause is like when my dad was like super young,she was already cutting his hair.so yeah.but we're not blood related.haha.so i went her house and reached at 11++.then i wanted to:
1)change my hair parting to side
2)cut a fringe
3)trim and make my hair thinner.
so aunty maggie cut.was really enjoying it.but the result was like"shit!"i dun like my fringe.but on the whole still can.i look like lion liddat.haha.my big bro says the hair style doesn't suit me.WTF!!!how am i gonna go to school?shit.haha
my mum wanted to:
1)rebond her hair(cause she looked like a car drove through a barb wire wall and like all the barb wire was like shooting out liddat)
2)dye her hair(cause her white hair come out liao)
so from 11++,i was there till 3++cause my mum need to do alot of things.sian.

then today nothing really happened.haha.
tata.takkiare.and happy vesak day(though it's like super late.haha)

haha~thanx

haha.lets see what happened...

ok so today is art.the last paper.so difficult.dunno how to do.then mrs chan our last invigilator.then we ask her our science then she tell me that i didn't do well for section A and i was like shit!then she keep on saying hamzah very good.confirm hamzah get first.haiz.sad.i really drop lor.haiz.then we all zhao.

actually wanted to train with li fang.but she dun want then we all sit at level 1 discussing how to celebrate last paper and last day of the week.but we all very dejected cause heard about the science.haiz.sad.then in the end,rachelle and shenlynn go home and me and li fang and feng go makan at westmall then go cdans and bowl.when we go westmall,ms chua was there then we were like oh shit and we went in from the huge entrance.then decided to eat at koufu so we went up.then went we wanted to go in,then we saw limin they all.WTF!!!so we go popular wait awhile.cause dun wanna bump into them.then we wait very long then wanna go in.then saw the three bitches.WTF!!!so we got no more appettite.so we decided to go gombak then eat.so we went down by escalator.on the 2 floor,ms chua directly below us.so we went to the other end to take lift.we walk very slow so by the time we got there,she was down stairs.haiz.sad.so we quickly walk to the escalator.we got down successfully and when we were in the open space,she was up on the escalator.but she kept on looking at us.suay.

got to gombak then go 7-11 and buy food.i buy instant and slurpee.li fang also the same.then feng went to the bakery and buy bread.so we walk to cdans and find the boys who were going there to play.so we found them and we play lor.me and li fang play 3 games then wait for theboys.but the went home.haiz.so we wait with li fang for her bus then i walk feng to her house.but then i lazy and dun feel like going home alone.so ask her to sit at the playground for awhile and talk.then i call people who i think are out.then alot never answer then in the end yasser say he'll meet me at jurong station.then i zhao.

at jurong,we walk to our block there the area then we go there crazy.in the end we were wet in the rain.then 5 we went home.haha.today was kinda suay and fun.yasser is the best!haha.

i'll end here.bye bye and takkaire.

happy!or not

haha.so what happened today?

ok so today was maths paper2 and mother tongue paper 3(listening compre).the bitch needed alliance real fast and was bitching about me with doreen and rachel david.fuck their chi bai man!they are just some bitches who can't keep their mouths shut.i was really ok with esther and rachel bitching about me.cause i dun like them either.but doreen,well i treat her real good and this is how she thank me.haiz.disappointed.something unpleasant happened but i dun wanna talk about it.

so after 30 mins in class to sign our CA1 results which are super bad.we were behind time.haiz.sian.then go li fang's house makan and bath and change and blah and we when to orchard!yay!totally love it!today didn't splurge and i spend the least today comparing with my friends and for all past orchard outings.haha.

tired.so i'll stop here.bb.

mixed?

haha.let's see what happened today...

so school was today and there was science paper and literature.so i was sleeping last night when my nose bleed and woke me up.not once but twice!then during the papers,i bleed also during both of them!WTF!!!i'm like a blood tap lah.haha.so we were like discussing what to bring tomorrow lah.then got maths remedial.so i stay till 1.50.then during that period of time,i kinda let esther know of our secret plans.haha.sorry guys.

at ballet,carmen helped me take the pic and i'm like seriously disgusting.but anyway,i still send it.WTH!!!and today ms mccully wasn't here cause she had flown off.and ms tan was here!!!so was like really funny ann really pressurizing at times.i was on the verge to cry a few times.cause i really feel like i'm letting here down.haiz,i'm sorry ms tan.she's a really great teacher and i love her.and she can be really straightforward at times and thats way i was really depressed.haizbut with her around.there's a change in exercise speed and style.haha.

thats all.bye and takkaire.

super high?

haha.lets see what happaned today...hmmm.oh yah.today is history and home economic.i didn't study sia.so last night quickly study.then woke up and went to school to study again.WTF!!!the exam was like rock hard lah.haiz i think i'm gonna fail lor.cause for the essay part(50m)i whole thing write crap lor.WTH!!!then i confirm fail one lah.then during the recess period,i study for home economic.then the test i finish within 20 mins.then ah chia even more pro.by 10.55,he had already hit the table,sleeping.and the test started at 10.45 and ended at 11.30.haha.

so after the exams,we went to westmall,koufu to eat then go library study for science.we study study until sian then we go shop shop.we walk into this fashion then lifang tried on this super nice skirt.then look super nice on her lah.haha.then rachelle say she dun have mini skirt then wanna buy one.so we pick for her.but dun suit.so we went to op.so i saw so many shorts that are so nice and also saw 2 skirts that i like lah.they are gray and brown.so rachelle saw one purplish brown skirt.so she tried the purplish brown one and gray one.and lifang tried the brown and gray one.for rachelle,she didn't show us the gray one.but the purplish brown was super drooling nice lah.and she bought it.on the spot.she was like just took out 40 bucks and paid.i was like'WTH!!!"haha.then lifang was super drooling nice in the brown one but the gray one didn't suit her.so she decided to buy the brown tomorrow.ah!!!i also want!

so went home and called lifang.then we talk and talk till she had to hang.we decided to conference with rachelle later.so i called him and chat.then the girls called me and wanted to conference.but we both not ready to hang so decided to all conference together.haha.then we talk and discussed our plans for this wednesday.haha.its gonna be fun!

smiles~

haha.wondering why i so high?well you see,we patch le.haha.i very happy sia.can't believe that this is happening.but watever it is,we're gonna stick together andnever ever break.haha.

oh yah.i have yppae today rite?then during choir class,i spoke english.then she was like,"zidan,is speaking chinese that difficult?"(in chinese)i was like,WTF!!!chi bai lah.

then carmen was like ask me to pose at home and take the picture then send to her teacher cause the teacher needs it by monday.then i was like no way!cause i'm not planning to tell my parents so who is gonna take the picture.lots of small harmless squabbles took place then we settled with taking the pic on tuesday at ballet class if the teacher agreed.otherwise no picture.haha.watever.

today very little to post about.so yeah.takkaire.bb.

WT*!

i'm so pissed off.and when i said so pissed off,i really mean it.WTF!i really can't stand my mum.its like we're totally from a totally different planet.its like she has totally gven up on my big bro and me.so she has the only"power"left to concentrate on my lil bro(poor thing).so whenever i use the com,she'll say the i'm effcting him doing his hw and assignments.WTF!!!then its like i pitied my lil bro so i helped him and teach him to finish his two sets of hw.but it was like near 1++?i dunno lah.but of course my lil do a lil bit then dun want liao.today, i saw him playng com.i thought he finished his hw.but he didn't.my mum finally came down after controling her anger when she knows that my lil bro is using the com without finishing his work.she scolds us and we off the com.i teache him and comes to the com.then my mum checks the work and realised that he has lots of questions unanswered from last time and now.and she ask me to teach him.i was reluctant but just does it.i teach for a while and my bro just like gives me the sour face.i'm so pissed off cause i'm here helping him when i could be at the com and he gives me that face.i scolds him and he starts crying.after that,he starts the"mute"thingy and doesn't talk.it gets on my nerve and i had it.i walked to the com and use it.then it was like lunch time and i go to the table.he gives the"i'm pathetic and weak.and i need to cling onto someone but you must still listen to me"kinda face.WTF!!!

oh yah.i totally wanna patch with him(i know i sound despo).its like i totally wanna patch but i dun dare ask.so my bestfriend helps mye ask him why he doesn't wanna patch.but the prob is that we were in mass msn conversation.so i was like turned to jelly and the awkward pause made it worse.i could stand it mo more and left.he left after me and opened another window.he tells me nvm and ask me to talk to him alone.my bestfriend apologised to me and i said nvm,its ok.cause she had good intentions.haiz.i changed my msn nick to"lots of questions.but can you answer mine?"then he ask me"goo alot of questions ar?ask me lah."i was reluctant and dun dare to.but he just kept on asking and i asked.then his answer stabbed me in the heart really hard and i was really hurt.i blocked him and changed my msn nick to like let him know.he then asked ah chia to ask me to unblock him.WTF!!!i have already unblock him lor.he signs off and i'm like so pissed off.he changed his msn nick to"didn't mean to hurt you.sorry".WTF!!!

oh yah.was like typing then my father wants me to copy disc for him.then i dun want cause it will lag and then he say won't one.then i copy and the whole com lag and then this page off and i am now re-typing everything.WTF!!!i'm so pissed off!

carmen called me and asked me to like pose for a biology book.her (outside)art teacher is also in the publishing business and needs people to pose for a cover.carmen asked me and i agreed.haha.at least there's one thing that makes me happy.haha.

dun really feel like decorating my posts with colours today.so yeah only the top have like 2 or 3 lah.i know the words "so pissed off"are getting on you guys nerve cause i've been repeating them.but yeah.i really am.

the pictures are pofessional ballerinas and i hope i can jump like them one day.hopefully.haha.although i know its impossible.its fun to dream once in awhile.